October 16 -Rainy Day and “Past Lives” film

Hello October,

after a moody start and some reminiscences of old traumas (isn’t it scary to do something and put yourself out there?) I ended up working in the afternoon and then accepting an invitation to watch “Past Lives”.

Yes, it was great, and yes, I cried when this lovely almost-couple didn’t get to live together in the reality of the film.

We talked about love, romance and friendship.

How do we look for partners?

As the result of a list to check?

As the person who seems to want to be with us?

As the person who ignites a passionate attraction?

Does any of this guarantee Happiness?

October 10, 2023- New Horizons in London

Hello October,

Yes, I have landed a job in London, where I first came end of 2015 to try my luck after Paris and the difficulty of getting a job there. The first couple of years consisted of experimenting with different jobs, and then the pandemic.

Now I am back!

I have been living in this vibrant city since the end of 2021! Some difficulties at home- mother passing- have put pressure on me- I am getting back to my journal to talk about everyday life and ways to reach our dreams- no time better than now! 

This is how my journal started: As a small-town girl, I first got to Paris, where I couldn’t get any stability professionally or personally, and I decided to try my luck with English and London. Now, with more experience, but always surprised by life, I am still here, writing and living up to my best every day!

Today, after a flu, I got up in a terrible mood and decided to go back to journaling every day for three months and see how it goes!

September 8th, 2021: Respecting our rhythm

Hello September,

Yes, I am in London again where everything is fast, and people are slowly but steadily going towards their pre-pandemic life styles; with precaution, vaccination and masks in the underground.

I still feel stressed, after living with my parents in our village at the South of France. It sounds idyllic, but with the lockdown and my mum’s health issues, it was difficult to keep the balance.

So, here I am, and I feel like a real holiday is in order: the kind of thing where you allow yourself to just BE, living fully in the PRESENT and admiring the birds, the food, the beach, each other, etc…

Without any form of guilt:

Rest and healing is not a luxury it is a necessity!!!

Holiday, here I come!!!

September 2nd: Back to London!

Hello September and hello London!

I am back!!!

My clothes and stuff is on boxes on the floor, I barely have space to walk and there are moths in my new room!

After moving in out and around between countries, and living with my parents during the pandemic, I am back to working face to face, with the mask as an accessory.

I bought a beautiful rose flower, a vase and a lavender pot to face the moths.

The rose was amazing and beautiful. The lavender pot that is supposed to serve as a remedy was half price. I wasn’t sure it will survive indoors.

These purchases reflect my current attitude:

Hope for a better future, with the rose

Fear with a plant that is not at its best.

I will give a chance to the lavender also, at least asking for advice to make it feel better.

Hope and fear might live in the same person.

But if we take more care of the hope, the fear might go away and do its job: guard us only when it is necessary.

January 11, 2021- day 7 out of 66- post-a-day: 2 imaginary life paths

Hello January,

so I start by answering a challenge: imagine two life-paths: one in a well-worn path, and the second, in the path less travelled.

This is based on Ryder Carroll’s suggestion in his “Bullet Journal Method”.

So, for the well worn-path:

1. April stays with her parents until they are no longer physically there, she is a bit bored, finally starts dating a neighbour without being in love. When she can move back to London she does, but she takes the least possible risks. She gets to buy a flat and owes a cat.
2. April starts a you tube channel embedded into her blog and an instagram account. She publishes ebooks and books, and gets to meet some people with common interests and passions. When she moves back to London, she is comfortable between her artistic work and her teaching art. She owes a home and lives with cats, dogs, humans and the love of her life. She can distinguish between people who want to grow and who are happy to see others grow and those who don’t. She gets away from the last species. She makes new exciting friendships. She meets a soul mate who is a loving and charming person and falls in love.

Ok, I like the second scenario better. In any case, there are cats in both.

January 7, 2020- Getting a promotion in 2020

Hello January,

have you ever felt like you were getting a promotion? I don’t know if you can be more than the first month of the year, but imagine you could. What would it be like?

Well, in my case, after realising how expensive is a latte in Notting Hill, I decided it is about time to get a promotion. After all, I have been working already for three months.

Am I already mastering my new job? Not exactly, but I am working on it. What is more, I feel I have a lot more to give.

So, after having indulged myself in huge quantities of chocolate and pastries, and been lazy and sick with a flue, I made up my mind: 2020 is going to be a Promotion Year.

Let’s see: I am learning what I need to learn to get to the next level.

Is this credible? Or incredible?

Both, and of course I see myself there already.

For the time being, I prepare my suitcase.

I am coming back to London!

January 1st, 2020- New Year, NEW ME

Welcome 2020,

Welcome my dear New Year! Here I am, having a glass of wine and feeling extremely hopeful and in a good mood. There is no particular reason for this. I am having a party by myself, after my parents got to sleep in my small French village, and I am listening to some music.

I spent much time being afraid in 2019, but despite everything, I am proud to have pulled it through in a decent way and to have reached a milestone compared to my previous life.

There is something that is appearing as a possibility to live from my whatever activity.

And also, I want to choose my friends as to real friends, because I don’t need “figurines” or replacements because I can stand by myself. Anyone who wants to stand by me could be because we are enjoying it and not because we are afraid.

Happy 2020,

Prosperous 2020

Beautiful 2020,

November 13, 2019- Knowing how not to get affected by childhood dynamics

Hello November,

how is it that our parents have a way to get into us that other people don’t? Somehow, feelings become magnified when something is related to them. All the childhood memories, wounds, happy moments become activated.

When it’s good, it’s great.

I mean, not everyone has a chance to grow up with parents who take care of them as kids, so, having experienced that is a blessing in itself.

Still, we are all human beings and parents are also human. The best of them can also instil feelings of guilt on something, or not being good enough or worthy of X, Y and Z.

And then we might find partners or other people who reinforce this dynamic as we grow.

So what to do when we catch ourselves there?

It’s important to say: STOP and rewind.

Is this playing the same old film?

What if I step out and refuse to be part of it?

That’s what I do.

I step out for coffee.

I write in my blog.

I am not responsible for my parents’ happiness or unhappiness.

I may contribute, but it’s their life also.

And I can’t take the blame for anything that seems not to work.

Or for anything that does.

Let’s do the best I can.

And forgive them, and forgive myself for not being perfect.

And thank them, and thank me for who we are.

I likes this one :

When You’re Hard on Yourself: Replace Guilt with Self-Compassion

November 11, 2019- Happy and Creative Birthday with a Good Feeling Spa

Hello November,

hello my birthday month, I am grateful for being here, on this planet, in London, this century, in a hair salon right now!

It was about time apparently, according to a prep friend who commented that I start looking like a hippie, with two months dark racine coming out of my otherwise ginger hair.

Despite anything, it is so great to be around, and I want to make plans again, to have objectives and to go for them!

Writing a play is on the top of the list, releasing feelings that have been bottled up.

Making beautiful fireworks!

And the everyday commitments?

There is time for them also.

The most important thing is to say, hello Beautiful, maybe you made mistakes, or you run into roadblocks, you shed tears, but you also succeeded, loved, been loved, and all this adventure has been quiet inspiring!

What would I want for the next step?

A Spa of feelings, where you are receiving extra treatment for feelings, enveloped in a warm, and light, and pampering glow of LOVE!

LOVE is the best feeling SPA, and it’s like money and energy, it needs to circulate.

So, for the next step, a Good Feeling Spa, for me and all the real and virtual friends!

November 7, 2019- Challenges and how to raise up to meet them: NaNoWriMo

Hello November,

I have arrived tired, and I feel that small or bigger things happening are pushing me around. I don’t come up as confident in the new job, and I lose my calm.

Add to that the seasonal flu, and you get the picture.

So, how do I face this? I try for something, it looks overambitious and misses the point.

Who should I talk to?

To begin with, I need my energy, or my Chi to get circulating again.

How about breathing?

Breath in and breath out.

How am I going to give myself a break?

The thing is, when we need one, we usually don’t have it.

Then, how do we create the right space?

By creative writing of course.

NaNoWriMo, this is the writing month after all.

But I want to write a play instead of a novel.

Let’s see how it goes.

I have the idea already.

And the characters.

Maybe in between, I can go back to my question.

How about doing something right now?