November 18, 2018- Bounce Back Big, year update I

Hello November,

so this is my honest last year’s update I as to work and work:

I took a risk, financial, professional, I worked long hours and it doesn’t look to have paid: I wonder, is there something I could have done differently to have a better result?

It felt as if I tried things and nothing worked out: especially in my area, I have started collaborations with high-profile people, but they supported my idea reluctantly and then when I wanted a sign of support they vanished.

I completed a difficult project but I didn’t get the funding.

I worked on the side in a job that was not fulfilling to be able to work on my project.

I suffered in this job.

I loved the project.

What could I have done differently?

Have I knocked at the wrong door?

It’s like making everything for a relationship to work and then it doesn’t and you have to pay for the divorce.

Overall, I felt like I have been working so hard in two directions.

The first, I did it to earn my living in London. I taught some adolescents who were painful, they didn’t appreciate it, and in an institution which gave me an unprepared course to teach. I accepted because I thought I didn’t have a choice and I failed.

The second, the one I liked, my art project with some established galleries. When we didn’t get funded, they removed their support.

The thing is, they didn’t see my project as enough to give them credit personally.

I relied on three or four different people, without giving more importance to the contribution of one of them.

In this case, I liked the idea, but I felt like I had to please people as if I were a slave in the feudal system. And they were never satisfied, believe me.

So, what now?

I need to treat myself with more respect.

I deserve some credit, and my sacrifice even if it didn’t pay materially, at least it should make me realize there must be another way.

Do I give up?

NEVER

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November 6, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 31- What really matters

Hello, November,

Who am I after all? Am I the person who is trying to get somewhere by knocking in closed doors? Or the person who creates change?

An idea, like a baby, needs a village to take care of it. And this village should include people who want it to see grow and prosper.

When I face resistance, I should look for a new place.

I face resistance when I am asking those I was in contact with in the past to accept my new me.

This doesn’t happen because I have changed.

So I am to find people and places who are my new fit.

But do I have the energy for this?

It doesn’t feel good to get a rejection.

Sometimes it’s worse to get a yes from a place you don’t want to be.

It happened to me last year.

So, let’s see where my new project takes me.

And be open enough to read the road signs on my path!

Résultat de recherche d'images pour "take a chance"

 

October 31, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 30- Halloween strengths

Dear October,

Happy Halloween by the way! I am to go around with some friend’s kids for treat or trick, close to a neighbourhood where there are a lot of Americans who celebrate decorating their homes 🙂

Before that, I write on my blog 🙂

A blog friend, davidjrogersftw has mentioned that he would like to see me as “to be the star of your life–proud, more confident despite setbacks–that kind of strength”. I couldn’t agree more.

What am I searching? Among other things, I am searching a “home”, where I can live, create and learn with other loving people. To live from my creations.

Up to now, I have changed countries, I had successes and setbacks, and I am jobless right now.

So, this is a concern. And it might include feelings of guilt: “am I doing something wrong”? and “is there something wrong with me”?

In reality, a lot of things can get better. And a lot of things are not exactly my “fault” but have to do with more general trends.

So, how do I feel proud and confident when I consider that I am hiding part of my reality?

When I realize that most people share the same feelings.

And that some of our biggest vulnerabilities are our biggest strengths.

Tickets for Happy Halloween - Adults Only in Claremont from Ticketbooth

October 29, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 28 – meetings as opportunities

Hello October,

today I have a meeting I can’t figure out, in the gallery which turned down my collaboration for a project. They have a job opening there, and the guy in charge accepted to see me in person.

I am wondering: could there be an opportunity? It looks too good to be true. On the other side, any meeting is an opportunity. Because there is something to learn and to understand.

It’s better to see it that way and to continue my path.

To believe in myself.

To present myself in my best colours.

How is this possible if you don’t feel having the means to dress up?

By being clean, wearing something simple that is good for you body type and wear a smile 🙂

Actually, after my meeting, I was told my profile is great but they are looking for something closer to their vision, and what I propose is too extravagant at the moment…

What next?

I suggested to him to participate in one of my projects. Not sure he will, but let’s see.

I am kind of running out of time here.

So?

So let’s be very inventive, let’s keep my eyes open.

 

 

 

October 23, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 26- Serendipity

Hello October,

with a feeling of cold and sneezing, I feel a lack of focus, and I need to focus to find luck:

some fruit for vitamin C to begin with, and a cup of tea.

And then, let my mind wonder and wander …

It was kind of helpful because it helped get a new idea: what if I combine X and Y and try my luck in something slightly different?

This idea made my mood and I contacted an older friend who has been like a mentor to me.

Let’s see how it will go 🙂

Résultat de recherche d'images pour "luck and serendipity"

 

October 22, 2018- Bounce Back Big day 25, unfolding

Hello October,

I have presented a draft of my idea, and I caught myself stressing up: fear of judgement, of not doing a perfect of whatever, of not being accepted.

I stopped there, it usually comes as a bodily sensation, and I put some music, something uplifting and the type of thing I can dance with, and breathe!

After all, who cares? Millions of years later, no one will remember that part.

It will not be included in any historical account.

So, why bother now?

And then that’s why the word feedback has been created: “feed’ has to do with food, kind of positive. So giving back something. It’s like a present.

You give something.

The other person gives something back.

We exchange ideas and discuss.

We become richer and more knowledgeable.

This is a process.

So breath and let the process unfold April!

October 19: Bounce Back Big, day 24 – broaden my scope

Hello October,

Friday is here, and I am back 🙂

I continue my Bounce Back Big journal, although I missed writing for a week;

What on … have I been doing?

I have advanced in my projects, so there is something collaborative that I put together, I found help to polish my CV and I might have resolved some of my practical issues.

Still, some ideas are on the basis of a potential, and I probably need to decide myself what is the absolute priority:

The priority, is to continue developing my creative project.

I need the help of other talented people for this.

But I also need the right environment, with the culture that promotes this type of activities.

Is it London?

I need to broaden my scope in the world, if I don’t want to repeat what happened to me in Paris. I was trying so desperately to fit in, desperately because my working culture is different, and I knew I didn’t really want to give up my creativity for this.

So?

I need to keep my eyes open

Starting from an action today.

What is up in other continents for example?

Résultat de recherche d'images pour "broaden scope"

 

 

October 8 and 9- Bounce big days 21 and 22- Life as a hop on hop off bus

Hello October,

I am looking at my posts since I decided to Bounce Back, and I need to congratulate myself for doing a very good job.

I have come back to London, overcome, or almost a feeling of sadness due to family issues back to France, financial and others.

At the same time, I catch myself here and there, feeling a bit down, tired or overwhelmed. So I need to boost myself a bit more.

Eat well. – More fruit and better breakfast in the morning

Ask for help on practical questions that get on the way.

What if we use the metaphor of a hop on hop off bus for our lives? Let’s say that the bus is our inner self, and maybe the people we are connected with: some hop on and hop off during our life time.

There are beautiful things to visit, we can hop off ourselves and then hop on again with more energy and dreams.

What happens if we have an unpleasant or difficult experience somewhere? A waiter is insulting, we don’t like what we experience? We can hop on again and take the time to digest the experience.

Something new is coming our way.

Because actually, we are on the move.

Constantly.

The earth is moving and we move with it!

So whatever is bad, will pass.

Some good things pass also.

But others will take their place.

And yes, we can even take a nap on the bus!

October 5-7 2018- Bounce Back Big day 18 to 20: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Hello October,

so, I decided to do what I would do if I had resolvedall the issues troubling me, meaning, go out with friends and go to the cinema. It has been a while I haven’t really been in an actual public cinema with a group of friends; I don’t consider watching films from my tablet to be equivalent. It doesn’t have any contact with real human beings.

Apart from that, looking at my CV, has given me mixed feelings: parts where I have suffered from setbacks, that I have tried not to show.

And yet, especially when it comes to issues like harassment, not talking is like being ashamed of something on behalf of the person who has harmed you.

That doesn’t make sense.

It’s not good either to spent all the time consumated in hate or revenge thoughts.

Time is valuable.

SO?

I think that my CV, like anybody’s CV should include lessons learnt.

And to be proud of who we have become in the process.

October 3 and 4 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 16 and 17- Act in faith and allow things to happen

Hello October dear,

no, champaign and proseco is not the best way to relax and get up full of energy! I was invited by my flatmate who holds much better her liquor than me, and trust me, no.

So, I go back to my list of things:

I have contacted people I wasn’t in touch with, but still, I also need to follow their advice or suggestions.

I also know I need ot keep on at my work instead of making the looking for positions all I am doing.

How about having fun?

How about getting more energy?

Eating better?

It’s 10.20 and some fruit might be good instead of just latte.

And then? Then some granola probably.

And a lot of faith that things will get well, in the best possible way

Allowing to unfold, without judgement for myself and others:

By the way, I run into this blogpost, which is great:

http://www.betterself.sg/2017/10/allow-life-to-unfold/

Allowing

All you have to do is to allow things to unfold. Here are 10 ways to let life start unfolding:

  1. Do the thing you always wanted to do
  2. Say what you always wanted to say
  3. Feel emotions you never let yourself feel
  4. Allow space for discovery and uncertainty in your life
  5. When you feel a desire, follow it all the way through
  6. Do one thing in the direction of your dreams
  7. Express yourself creatively
  8. Be vulnerable
  9. Take a risk
  10. Do something you’ve never done