November 14, 2019- Your dream life starts HERE, DAY 1

Dear November,

I decided to re-transform myself right here, right now. All this because I got a present, and it has to do with dream life. NOW is the best time, so not a minute to lose.

Well, she has used paper and pencil.

I am using the computer.

For writing also.

I have begun a play.

And I felt a bit out of sync with someone who didn’t appreciate enough my presence and was moaning his ex girlfriend.

Why did I go out in the first place?

I got invited, ok.

But is this enough?

So, yes, NOW is the time.

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November 13, 2019- Watching “Hamilton”, in London and rediscovering passion

Hello November,

and welcome back to passion! I just watched “Hamilton”, the musical, from the front row, and I was impressed with these characters’ passion, and the actors’ game.

These people were living and dying with purpose, which is something I need in my everyday life, or I need to rediscover. There are many great purposes out there, and purposes I believe in, so it’s time to say something.

All the rest, is for people who are not lovers.

In the first sense of the word.

I also found myself in a strange place.

Being invited by someone who didn’t know what exactly he wanted.

I know what I want.

And that, is a man with passion and conviction

A way to fall in love

November 13, 2019- Knowing how not to get affected by childhood dynamics

Hello November,

how is it that our parents have a way to get into us that other people don’t? Somehow, feelings become magnified when something is related to them. All the childhood memories, wounds, happy moments become activated.

When it’s good, it’s great.

I mean, not everyone has a chance to grow up with parents who take care of them as kids, so, having experienced that is a blessing in itself.

Still, we are all human beings and parents are also human. The best of them can also instil feelings of guilt on something, or not being good enough or worthy of X, Y and Z.

And then we might find partners or other people who reinforce this dynamic as we grow.

So what to do when we catch ourselves there?

It’s important to say: STOP and rewind.

Is this playing the same old film?

What if I step out and refuse to be part of it?

That’s what I do.

I step out for coffee.

I write in my blog.

I am not responsible for my parents’ happiness or unhappiness.

I may contribute, but it’s their life also.

And I can’t take the blame for anything that seems not to work.

Or for anything that does.

Let’s do the best I can.

And forgive them, and forgive myself for not being perfect.

And thank them, and thank me for who we are.

I likes this one :

When You’re Hard on Yourself: Replace Guilt with Self-Compassion

November 12, 2019- Growing up through pain and delight

Hello November,

I had a beautiful birthday with cake, candles and friends. At the same time I felt that loving ones are not with me, because it is not possible, and I felt between guilt and sorrow.

At the same time, I realise that mourning a part of our previous life is normal, it is growing up. Something needs to go away in order to free space for the new.

I can’t be an adult and have profound relationships if my only point of reference is my parents. This is not good in someone 20s, even. So much more when you are more of a grown up.

Not having yet a family unit of my own, makes me more attached to my original family. But this is an illusion.

There was never a paradise in any age, and our relationships need balance between giving and receiving.

Do I allow people to come near me in order to create adult relationships?

And when I think about adult, I mean anything from friendships, professional, love and romance, even animals.

It would be great to adopt an animal.

Or a human being.

In any case, start to become an adult;

At least in some aspects of my existence.

I am afraid there are still a few clothes on the chair and floor 🙂

November 11, 2019- Happy and Creative Birthday with a Good Feeling Spa

Hello November,

hello my birthday month, I am grateful for being here, on this planet, in London, this century, in a hair salon right now!

It was about time apparently, according to a prep friend who commented that I start looking like a hippie, with two months dark racine coming out of my otherwise ginger hair.

Despite anything, it is so great to be around, and I want to make plans again, to have objectives and to go for them!

Writing a play is on the top of the list, releasing feelings that have been bottled up.

Making beautiful fireworks!

And the everyday commitments?

There is time for them also.

The most important thing is to say, hello Beautiful, maybe you made mistakes, or you run into roadblocks, you shed tears, but you also succeeded, loved, been loved, and all this adventure has been quiet inspiring!

What would I want for the next step?

A Spa of feelings, where you are receiving extra treatment for feelings, enveloped in a warm, and light, and pampering glow of LOVE!

LOVE is the best feeling SPA, and it’s like money and energy, it needs to circulate.

So, for the next step, a Good Feeling Spa, for me and all the real and virtual friends!

November 7, 2019- Challenges and how to raise up to meet them: NaNoWriMo

Hello November,

I have arrived tired, and I feel that small or bigger things happening are pushing me around. I don’t come up as confident in the new job, and I lose my calm.

Add to that the seasonal flu, and you get the picture.

So, how do I face this? I try for something, it looks overambitious and misses the point.

Who should I talk to?

To begin with, I need my energy, or my Chi to get circulating again.

How about breathing?

Breath in and breath out.

How am I going to give myself a break?

The thing is, when we need one, we usually don’t have it.

Then, how do we create the right space?

By creative writing of course.

NaNoWriMo, this is the writing month after all.

But I want to write a play instead of a novel.

Let’s see how it goes.

I have the idea already.

And the characters.

Maybe in between, I can go back to my question.

How about doing something right now?

November 6, 2019- Unbottled feelings

Dear November,

my feelings range from excited, to fear, to angry, to sad, to happy. I am trying to decide if I should move closer to my new job. If I should stay in my new job. If they appreciate me in my new job.

Is there a moment to doubt? Ok let’s be honest with myself. I worked for about a year in this direction. Why do I start doubting?

Because I have a fear of commitment.

What if I feel alienated?

If they don’t understand, etc, me?

If I find it too difficult?

Maybe I am not good enough.

Or too different.

Something.

The funny thing with fears, when you stop to talk to them, is that they come from different directions.

How can it be both too difficult and I too good for it? Or not challenged enough?

It’s like dating someone we don’t feel attracted to, and then feel offended if this person wants to break up.

How dare you?

I was too good for you, to begin with.

So?

So, now I am here, where I am.

I think that I can look at this present, and love it for what it is.

Not what it should be.

Not what it will be.

How will I give it a serious chance to succeed?

Is moving out of London too destabilising for now?

I feel secure to be close to my old neighbourhood.

To keep something constant in the name of change.

https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/lifematters/features/modern-dilemmas/

November 1st, 2019- Beginning new adventures

Welcome November!

I went out for a walk this morning, thinking that letting go of some things makes space for new ones to come. Yes, some old and comfortable clothes with memories feel so difficult to part with, but it’s also possible to accept that we can be equally or more happy with new ones arriving.

And these new clothes might bring new aspects of ourselves, ready to express themselves out there!

I love this automne colours and the mysterious winter somewhere in the distance.

So, I am ready for new adventures, and I want to fill in my imaginary and real journal with rich experiences, love and success in growing. With many different ways to enjoy every minute.

And by thinking of long term goals and not just of day to day things to accomplish.

And art is a way of living after all, let’s put that to practice!

https://londonist.com/london/great-outdoors/autumn-trees-red-orange-leaves-walks-london