we are driving towards the end of the year and my letter to Santa has not finished yet! Yes, I have been busy in my hometown, but I have also been absorbed by my older self still alive in the eyes of family and old acquaintances. It is like telling them my hair is red now, and they insist telling me it is brown.
Can’t you see I have changed? Why do you still talk to the old April?
But mostly, why do I respond as the old April?
As the adolescent I have been?
Because this April is still living in me, ready to take offence and get mad when she is looked down upon.
You get the picture.
Is my inner child still hurt?
Dear Santa, how do I bring a gift to this little April and let her be happy?
What would she have liked?
She would have liked everyone to be happy. Herself included.
And she feels overwhelmed when people around her are not.
But there are limits to that. We can’t make other people happier than they decide to be.
It is like consuming a nice dessert, or a piece of chocolate. It can bring instant gratification.
But it doesn’t last if the person consuming this gift is not capable of offering a gift back.
So, little April needs to understand this and produce gifts for herself and others but also, be ready to receive her own gifts.
April would like her own family and friends,
Those who appreciate and love her,
those who believe there is good in this world,
the good we create as chocolate,
there is creative imagination,
there is beauty,
there is hope
and Santa is here for the rest 😉