November 17, 2018- Bounce Back Big Update of 31 days

Hello November,

I started a Bounce Back Big 31 days, trying to do something differently.

I got in touch with mentors and asked questions, I also tried to follow these suggestions:

  1. Do the thing you always wanted to do
  2. Say what you always wanted to say
  3. Feel emotions you never let yourself feel
  4. Allow space for discovery and uncertainty in your life
  5. When you feel a desire, follow it all the way through
  6. Do one thing in the direction of your dreams
  7. Express yourself creatively
  8. Be vulnerable
  9. Take a risk
  10. Do something you’ve never done

1. I did small things I wanted, but not something major. For example, I always wanted to ride a horse, or to become an actor, a playwright, a pilot, … but I didn’t really start something major. It felt like I needed to find myself a job

2. I said things I wanted to say, but there are much more, and the thing is how to say them without insulting others, especially when I disagree with something I see

3. I have a range of emotions I don’t allow myself to feel, especially negative ones, should I go there?

4. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life, and I have tried something new in this period

5. I have followed my desire for creation

6. I did one thing in the direction of my dreams, I found a new partner

7. I started a new novel

8.I got vulnerable by telling people some things that hurt me

9. I took many risks (personal, financial, professional, …)

10. I did something I never have done before

🙂

RĂ©sultat de recherche d'images pour "bounce back"

 

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November 6, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 31- What really matters

Hello, November,

Who am I after all? Am I the person who is trying to get somewhere by knocking in closed doors? Or the person who creates change?

An idea, like a baby, needs a village to take care of it. And this village should include people who want it to see grow and prosper.

When I face resistance, I should look for a new place.

I face resistance when I am asking those I was in contact with in the past to accept my new me.

This doesn’t happen because I have changed.

So I am to find people and places who are my new fit.

But do I have the energy for this?

It doesn’t feel good to get a rejection.

Sometimes it’s worse to get a yes from a place you don’t want to be.

It happened to me last year.

So, let’s see where my new project takes me.

And be open enough to read the road signs on my path!

RĂ©sultat de recherche d'images pour "take a chance"

 

October 31, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 30- Halloween strengths

Dear October,

Happy Halloween by the way! I am to go around with some friend’s kids for treat or trick, close to a neighbourhood where there are a lot of Americans who celebrate decorating their homes 🙂

Before that, I write on my blog 🙂

A blog friend, davidjrogersftw has mentioned that he would like to see me as “to be the star of your life–proud, more confident despite setbacks–that kind of strength”. I couldn’t agree more.

What am I searching? Among other things, I am searching a “home”, where I can live, create and learn with other loving people. To live from my creations.

Up to now, I have changed countries, I had successes and setbacks, and I am jobless right now.

So, this is a concern. And it might include feelings of guilt: “am I doing something wrong”? and “is there something wrong with me”?

In reality, a lot of things can get better. And a lot of things are not exactly my “fault” but have to do with more general trends.

So, how do I feel proud and confident when I consider that I am hiding part of my reality?

When I realize that most people share the same feelings.

And that some of our biggest vulnerabilities are our biggest strengths.

Tickets for Happy Halloween - Adults Only in Claremont from Ticketbooth

October 30, 2018-Bounce Back Big day 29- Getting rid of false memories

Hello October,

I was sharing a memory when I was talking to my friends at lunch and I realised this is not at all compatible with what I think now: in other words, it was a common sense idea I have grown out of. But if I didn’t discuss it, it would have been stored as truth, influencing my decisions.

Years ago, I had a Western professor married to a Japanese. He had a bad divorce, due to infidelity on his side, and he gave me a negative idea about his Japanese wife. Since he was someone I was looking up to in a way, I retained this information as true.

When I retold the story, years later, my more experienced self said: wait a second, this doesn’t sound like true, or like the way I am thinking now.

It’s good I recalled this information, and I dusted this memory.

In this way I can change it, and attach a different judgement to it.

The same goes with other memories.

Certain things we learnt or heard when very young, can dictate the way we think and act.

Shouldn’t they be dusted and tested against reality?

This could help me go forward.

It has nothing with being true to our younger self.

It has to do with unfounded beliefs

I realize some of my beliefs are unfounded.

And it’s time I do something about it.

Clean up my brain!

October 29, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 28 – meetings as opportunities

Hello October,

today I have a meeting I can’t figure out, in the gallery which turned down my collaboration for a project. They have a job opening there, and the guy in charge accepted to see me in person.

I am wondering: could there be an opportunity? It looks too good to be true. On the other side, any meeting is an opportunity. Because there is something to learn and to understand.

It’s better to see it that way and to continue my path.

To believe in myself.

To present myself in my best colours.

How is this possible if you don’t feel having the means to dress up?

By being clean, wearing something simple that is good for you body type and wear a smile 🙂

Actually, after my meeting, I was told my profile is great but they are looking for something closer to their vision, and what I propose is too extravagant at the moment…

What next?

I suggested to him to participate in one of my projects. Not sure he will, but let’s see.

I am kind of running out of time here.

So?

So let’s be very inventive, let’s keep my eyes open.

 

 

 

October 24, 2018- Bounce Back Big day 27- today is my lucky day

Hello October,

I just had a setback I was expecting: I had a NO from a gallery I was collaborating with last year, I did some work for them, and now I asked for a job. The person I was working with and I was counting on supporting me, pulled out.

Now what?

I was kind of expecting it, since she was silent the last time I emailed her.

I went out for a coffee.

At the same time, I have this killer project. This mentality of theirs is defensive of privileges.

How about mine?

I am used to being rejected actually, because I always felt as a minority.

But did I really like the way these people worked?

Deep down, I think they are conventionally good but boring. I went there for the name of the gallery.

It can be important.

Maybe, I can start from giving value to myself.

How did my last relationship end?

In a similar way.

With someone who was not appreciating my full value.

Am I appreciating myself enough?

What would I do if I consider myself a star and the main character in my life?

I would look for help and collaboration with people who really inspire me.

So, let’s do that.

October 23, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 26- Serendipity

Hello October,

with a feeling of cold and sneezing, I feel a lack of focus, and I need to focus to find luck:

some fruit for vitamin C to begin with, and a cup of tea.

And then, let my mind wonder and wander …

It was kind of helpful because it helped get a new idea: what if I combine X and Y and try my luck in something slightly different?

This idea made my mood and I contacted an older friend who has been like a mentor to me.

Let’s see how it will go 🙂

RĂ©sultat de recherche d'images pour "luck and serendipity"

 

October 22, 2018- Bounce Back Big day 25, unfolding

Hello October,

I have presented a draft of my idea, and I caught myself stressing up: fear of judgement, of not doing a perfect of whatever, of not being accepted.

I stopped there, it usually comes as a bodily sensation, and I put some music, something uplifting and the type of thing I can dance with, and breathe!

After all, who cares? Millions of years later, no one will remember that part.

It will not be included in any historical account.

So, why bother now?

And then that’s why the word feedback has been created: “feed’ has to do with food, kind of positive. So giving back something. It’s like a present.

You give something.

The other person gives something back.

We exchange ideas and discuss.

We become richer and more knowledgeable.

This is a process.

So breath and let the process unfold April!

October 19: Bounce Back Big, day 24 – broaden my scope

Hello October,

Friday is here, and I am back 🙂

I continue my Bounce Back Big journal, although I missed writing for a week;

What on … have I been doing?

I have advanced in my projects, so there is something collaborative that I put together, I found help to polish my CV and I might have resolved some of my practical issues.

Still, some ideas are on the basis of a potential, and I probably need to decide myself what is the absolute priority:

The priority, is to continue developing my creative project.

I need the help of other talented people for this.

But I also need the right environment, with the culture that promotes this type of activities.

Is it London?

I need to broaden my scope in the world, if I don’t want to repeat what happened to me in Paris. I was trying so desperately to fit in, desperately because my working culture is different, and I knew I didn’t really want to give up my creativity for this.

So?

I need to keep my eyes open

Starting from an action today.

What is up in other continents for example?

RĂ©sultat de recherche d'images pour "broaden scope"

 

 

October 10, 2018- Bounce Back Big, Day 23- You can see the essential with your heart

Hello October,

I found myself at a reception with people who had refused my job application, people who know me and seemed to like me.

At a certain point, I addressed one of them with a question: why does x new building has to be ugly?

He kind of took it personally, getting defensive. As if I was accusing him of responsibility.

I answered that maybe functionality or something else is the priority.

Thinking back at the scene, I realize that this dialogue is more than what it looked like.

I still hold kind of grudge because these people didn’t help me. When I was asking in a critical way, it was as if I was asking this person: why didn’t you support me?

And he feels a bit guilty, so it’s like, it wasn’t all me making the decision.

People can speak up words, but sometimes, what they really say is different.

Saying that, I also realize that I can come out as a bit aggressive when I feel wronged.

Should I stay in the vicinity of these people? Or forget it and go another way?

Hmm, it certainly doesn’t pay to be around just to be around.

To begin with, holding a grudge is only bad for me.

Feeling hurt could make us aggressive to others or towards ourselves.

How do we get over this feeling to focus on our creation?

By being self-compassionate:

Sometimes, not succeeding in something is the best thing.

That doesn’t mean we are not good, or that the others are better.

It could mean that this is not our “niche”, the right place to be.

It’s like insisting in being love by a person who doesn’t give back.

Why not try with another?

Open up our scope?

Open our eyes to see?

And as the “Little Prince” would say, “you can see what is essential only with your heart”.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

http://mentalfloss.com/article/64148/12-charming-facts-about-little-prince