should I trust my emotions regarding a person, or my head? Or just give more time? I refer to people of course, potential love interests, friends, colleagues…
Sometimes people might seem nice and we start hanging around. Then there is an uneasy feeling about something. I say, may be I was picky that day. Then I find this feeling again. If this person doesn’t make me feel good should I withdraw? Where did the likeability go?
Is there something in the recipe which is not so good or should we try again?
You see, in London, I don’t know so many people, so I jump at the opportunity to make new friends and acquaintances. But spending time with just anybody, might not be the best thing for either.
We should make each other feel good most of the time no?
I don’t know if I feel angry with myself, with someone else or if I am just excited trying to swallow all this new information. Have you ever felt things are going fast and your feelings don’t have time to settle in your heart?
This is a little bit my day. It started when I learnt that I could have been eligible for a job, but I was told my profile was not adequate because the kind of artistic events I organise, didn’t count. And today, the very same person, who seemed well-informed, a senior artist, told me he would help out two other people who participated in my small summer event.
After feeling angry at him, I started being angry with myself. Shouldn’t I have asked another person and not have taken his opinion for granted? Yes, I should have.
And the same for the people who are like the wannabe boss. Why did I let them take power they shouldn’t have? Maybe I enjoy playing the victim?
Then, I realized there is still time to do something in the next few days.
And decided to think outside of the box. People who want to rule inside the box, are tiny tyrants. If you take them out, they feel completely helpless, and you realize they couldn’t have harmed you anyway.
In the sun, the change of perspective is doing miracles!
this is the second day I spent at the 13 arrondissement of Paris. I was to meet a friend and some colleagues of his, close to the metro Tolbiac. It was practically the first time I was in this particular neighborhood, although I happened to walk in the same street a few days ago, but at a different level. It is a very urban part of Paris, and very lively in terms of bars and cafés, probably because of the University that is situated nearby. This friend of mine was staying in a hotel at this area, so it was very practical to meet there.
For some reason, I was in a very good mood. Not that I haven’t been in a good mood before. But I couldn’t find any particular reason for it. Another friend of mine, a man with a lot of experience in his 60s, told me I look as a woman in love. And that everybody who knows me is aware of it. Is it so easy to tell?
My “business meeting” with this group of people went well. They all work for the realization of exhibitions. Some of them are in transit to another place, planning to leave Paris at the end of the week. With an ambiance between work and holidays.
Are we aware of our feelings? Or could it be that some acute observers could know more about our state than ourselves? For example I couldn’t associate the idea of being in a good mood with the state of feeling in love with B or anyone else. Is it what happened to the metro driver of the line 6 on my way home the same night? He started singing at the microphone, and from time to time was asking the passengers or his”public” of their opinion. Not that the public could react, but it was so funny! We started laughing with two or three other passengers, three girls in their 20s. They were very enthusiastic and would love to get to know him and ask him to be their Facebook friend.
Could it be that he would like to be auditioned as a singer?
after having visited different museums and expositions, after having slept four hours because of the heat and a mosquito, I went to the Platform. It was time to face the reality of my projects and events to be.
My friend T left early in the morning, as I told one of my friends, with whom we had coffee. I usually avoid the big Museums on weekends because they are crowded. This time I did something different. I also reflected on love and relationships.
T offered to the discussion his model of non-relationship. A sex-friendship? This was his way to function. For now. For the last year or two and maybe the next. Not until “death do us part”, but until each of the quasi-partners finds a “real” relationship. With feelings? With commitments? With children? With fights?
My friend gave me an example of a love affair where she was “dating” someone she liked for almost a year in a quasi-friendly relationship. But in their case, they had feelings they didn’t dare to reveal. They were walking around, going to the cinema together, but it took them a while to admit what they meant to each other; They even dated someone else in between. But there was always magic between them. They finally reached each-other.
There are also people who start from a sexual relationship and feelings develop after. But stay in a situation for more than a year where you admit there are no feelings? Maybe it is also called marriage sometimes. Is it possible to have intense feelings for a long period? And what if there is?
I don’t know. I am in love with B, so I am in a different mood. Feelings are sooo important to me, it is as if I were flying up in the sky. Even if I have some bruises when things don’t go exactly the way I expected.
A life without feelings is like a tasteless dish. A plastic flower. Something useful but without any form of beauty in it.