October 30, 2018-Bounce Back Big day 29- Getting rid of false memories

Hello October,

I was sharing a memory when I was talking to my friends at lunch and I realised this is not at all compatible with what I think now: in other words, it was a common sense idea I have grown out of. But if I didn’t discuss it, it would have been stored as truth, influencing my decisions.

Years ago, I had a Western professor married to a Japanese. He had a bad divorce, due to infidelity on his side, and he gave me a negative idea about his Japanese wife. Since he was someone I was looking up to in a way, I retained this information as true.

When I retold the story, years later, my more experienced self said: wait a second, this doesn’t sound like true, or like the way I am thinking now.

It’s good I recalled this information, and I dusted this memory.

In this way I can change it, and attach a different judgement to it.

The same goes with other memories.

Certain things we learnt or heard when very young, can dictate the way we think and act.

Shouldn’t they be dusted and tested against reality?

This could help me go forward.

It has nothing with being true to our younger self.

It has to do with unfounded beliefs

I realize some of my beliefs are unfounded.

And it’s time I do something about it.

Clean up my brain!

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October 29, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 28 – meetings as opportunities

Hello October,

today I have a meeting I can’t figure out, in the gallery which turned down my collaboration for a project. They have a job opening there, and the guy in charge accepted to see me in person.

I am wondering: could there be an opportunity? It looks too good to be true. On the other side, any meeting is an opportunity. Because there is something to learn and to understand.

It’s better to see it that way and to continue my path.

To believe in myself.

To present myself in my best colours.

How is this possible if you don’t feel having the means to dress up?

By being clean, wearing something simple that is good for you body type and wear a smile 🙂

Actually, after my meeting, I was told my profile is great but they are looking for something closer to their vision, and what I propose is too extravagant at the moment…

What next?

I suggested to him to participate in one of my projects. Not sure he will, but let’s see.

I am kind of running out of time here.

So?

So let’s be very inventive, let’s keep my eyes open.

 

 

 

October 24, 2018- Bounce Back Big day 27- today is my lucky day

Hello October,

I just had a setback I was expecting: I had a NO from a gallery I was collaborating with last year, I did some work for them, and now I asked for a job. The person I was working with and I was counting on supporting me, pulled out.

Now what?

I was kind of expecting it, since she was silent the last time I emailed her.

I went out for a coffee.

At the same time, I have this killer project. This mentality of theirs is defensive of privileges.

How about mine?

I am used to being rejected actually, because I always felt as a minority.

But did I really like the way these people worked?

Deep down, I think they are conventionally good but boring. I went there for the name of the gallery.

It can be important.

Maybe, I can start from giving value to myself.

How did my last relationship end?

In a similar way.

With someone who was not appreciating my full value.

Am I appreciating myself enough?

What would I do if I consider myself a star and the main character in my life?

I would look for help and collaboration with people who really inspire me.

So, let’s do that.

October 23, 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 26- Serendipity

Hello October,

with a feeling of cold and sneezing, I feel a lack of focus, and I need to focus to find luck:

some fruit for vitamin C to begin with, and a cup of tea.

And then, let my mind wonder and wander …

It was kind of helpful because it helped get a new idea: what if I combine X and Y and try my luck in something slightly different?

This idea made my mood and I contacted an older friend who has been like a mentor to me.

Let’s see how it will go 🙂

 

October 22, 2018- Bounce Back Big day 25, unfolding

Hello October,

I have presented a draft of my idea, and I caught myself stressing up: fear of judgement, of not doing a perfect of whatever, of not being accepted.

I stopped there, it usually comes as a bodily sensation, and I put some music, something uplifting and the type of thing I can dance with, and breathe!

After all, who cares? Millions of years later, no one will remember that part.

It will not be included in any historical account.

So, why bother now?

And then that’s why the word feedback has been created: “feed’ has to do with food, kind of positive. So giving back something. It’s like a present.

You give something.

The other person gives something back.

We exchange ideas and discuss.

We become richer and more knowledgeable.

This is a process.

So breath and let the process unfold April!

October 19: Bounce Back Big, day 24 – broaden my scope

Hello October,

Friday is here, and I am back 🙂

I continue my Bounce Back Big journal, although I missed writing for a week;

What on … have I been doing?

I have advanced in my projects, so there is something collaborative that I put together, I found help to polish my CV and I might have resolved some of my practical issues.

Still, some ideas are on the basis of a potential, and I probably need to decide myself what is the absolute priority:

The priority, is to continue developing my creative project.

I need the help of other talented people for this.

But I also need the right environment, with the culture that promotes this type of activities.

Is it London?

I need to broaden my scope in the world, if I don’t want to repeat what happened to me in Paris. I was trying so desperately to fit in, desperately because my working culture is different, and I knew I didn’t really want to give up my creativity for this.

So?

I need to keep my eyes open

Starting from an action today.

What is up in other continents for example?

 

 

October 10, 2018- Bounce Back Big, Day 23- You can see the essential with your heart

Hello October,

I found myself at a reception with people who had refused my job application, people who know me and seemed to like me.

At a certain point, I addressed one of them with a question: why does x new building has to be ugly?

He kind of took it personally, getting defensive. As if I was accusing him of responsibility.

I answered that maybe functionality or something else is the priority.

Thinking back at the scene, I realize that this dialogue is more than what it looked like.

I still hold kind of grudge because these people didn’t help me. When I was asking in a critical way, it was as if I was asking this person: why didn’t you support me?

And he feels a bit guilty, so it’s like, it wasn’t all me making the decision.

People can speak up words, but sometimes, what they really say is different.

Saying that, I also realize that I can come out as a bit aggressive when I feel wronged.

Should I stay in the vicinity of these people? Or forget it and go another way?

Hmm, it certainly doesn’t pay to be around just to be around.

To begin with, holding a grudge is only bad for me.

Feeling hurt could make us aggressive to others or towards ourselves.

How do we get over this feeling to focus on our creation?

By being self-compassionate:

Sometimes, not succeeding in something is the best thing.

That doesn’t mean we are not good, or that the others are better.

It could mean that this is not our “niche”, the right place to be.

It’s like insisting in being love by a person who doesn’t give back.

Why not try with another?

Open up our scope?

Open our eyes to see?

And as the “Little Prince” would say, “you can see what is essential only with your heart”.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/64148/12-charming-facts-about-little-prince

 

October 8 and 9- Bounce big days 21 and 22- Life as a hop on hop off bus

Hello October,

I am looking at my posts since I decided to Bounce Back, and I need to congratulate myself for doing a very good job.

I have come back to London, overcome, or almost a feeling of sadness due to family issues back to France, financial and others.

At the same time, I catch myself here and there, feeling a bit down, tired or overwhelmed. So I need to boost myself a bit more.

Eat well. – More fruit and better breakfast in the morning

Ask for help on practical questions that get on the way.

What if we use the metaphor of a hop on hop off bus for our lives? Let’s say that the bus is our inner self, and maybe the people we are connected with: some hop on and hop off during our life time.

There are beautiful things to visit, we can hop off ourselves and then hop on again with more energy and dreams.

What happens if we have an unpleasant or difficult experience somewhere? A waiter is insulting, we don’t like what we experience? We can hop on again and take the time to digest the experience.

Something new is coming our way.

Because actually, we are on the move.

Constantly.

The earth is moving and we move with it!

So whatever is bad, will pass.

Some good things pass also.

But others will take their place.

And yes, we can even take a nap on the bus!

October 5-7 2018- Bounce Back Big day 18 to 20: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Hello October,

so, I decided to do what I would do if I had resolvedall the issues troubling me, meaning, go out with friends and go to the cinema. It has been a while I haven’t really been in an actual public cinema with a group of friends; I don’t consider watching films from my tablet to be equivalent. It doesn’t have any contact with real human beings.

Apart from that, looking at my CV, has given me mixed feelings: parts where I have suffered from setbacks, that I have tried not to show.

And yet, especially when it comes to issues like harassment, not talking is like being ashamed of something on behalf of the person who has harmed you.

That doesn’t make sense.

It’s not good either to spent all the time consumated in hate or revenge thoughts.

Time is valuable.

SO?

I think that my CV, like anybody’s CV should include lessons learnt.

And to be proud of who we have become in the process.

October 3 and 4 2018- Bounce Back Big, day 16 and 17- Act in faith and allow things to happen

Hello October dear,

no, champaign and proseco is not the best way to relax and get up full of energy! I was invited by my flatmate who holds much better her liquor than me, and trust me, no.

So, I go back to my list of things:

I have contacted people I wasn’t in touch with, but still, I also need to follow their advice or suggestions.

I also know I need ot keep on at my work instead of making the looking for positions all I am doing.

How about having fun?

How about getting more energy?

Eating better?

It’s 10.20 and some fruit might be good instead of just latte.

And then? Then some granola probably.

And a lot of faith that things will get well, in the best possible way

Allowing to unfold, without judgement for myself and others:

By the way, I run into this blogpost, which is great:

http://www.betterself.sg/2017/10/allow-life-to-unfold/

Allowing

All you have to do is to allow things to unfold. Here are 10 ways to let life start unfolding:

1. Do the thing you always wanted to do
2. Say what you always wanted to say
3. Feel emotions you never let yourself feel
4. Allow space for discovery and uncertainty in your life
5. When you feel a desire, follow it all the way through
6. Do one thing in the direction of your dreams
7. Express yourself creatively
8. Be vulnerable
9. Take a risk
10. Do something you’ve never done