February 24, 2021-Cognitive Flexibility to find new balance

Hello February,

when something takes us out of balance, literally or metaphorically, how do we establish a new balance? Has it ever happened to you, when one year you have 28 days and another 29?

Cognitive flexibility is something I read about, and it seems very appropriate to develop a new sense of balance and resilience.

After having some vertigo, I was told it is important to walk out and to use my brain to a new sense of balance. It’s probably the same when something is disturbing our mental or emotional balance.

A new one needs to be established and a flexibility in the way we see things is important.

I was talking to a friend who is looking for the love of her life during the pandemic. She mentions that she is decided to meet someone, but she excludes any form of online communication. In my eyes, this is a bit restrictive.

But I realise, that I am equally set in my ways, when someone else points out a way of action I don’t approve.

I might be more open in one respect, and closed and fixed in another.

But if we change everything, will we have principles after all? A strong sense of self?

Probably if we dissociate strong from fixed.

Strong is flexible. Strong is not afraid to mutate and to change.

I seem to believe that not many people will understand me and accept my lifestyle and goals.

Is this actually true?

Have I formulated and communicated what I want and believe to other people or spent more time hiding it to fit in?

That is something to consider 🙂

February 11, 2021: Post-a-day and Self-praise protection before and after receiving nasty criticism- we need both

Hello February,

yes, it is a beautiful winter day today; I am feeling better after vertigo, thank you for asking. Indeed, this is why you haven’t seen me more. But it was probably necessary to slow down a bit.

It felt as if I pushed myself too hard with resolutions and to do lists, and I forgot that the most important thing is to enjoy the moment and feel grateful for the air we breathe…

I also admit that I was sad with some criticism I found harsh, and it brought back fears and insecurities.

Taking criticism personally, or being afraid that whatever it is about will be difficult to deal with, this is what made me feel bad.

I realise, that if we believe in our self-worth, criticism can be faced constructively. It is like, “of course, I can learn how to do this better”, or to go towards something I enjoy more.

On the other hand, even when you try your best, someone might not be happy. It is important to put some boundaries to malevolent criticism. Like, thank you, but no, thank you.

Like: “I am sorry you don’t feel well about yourselves, critical guys, and you need to throw all this in my front door. This belongs to you, not to me”.

I sympathise, but I need to go though a ceremony of self-Praise before I deal with that.

Let me make it more concrete.

Let’s say, I am a student, and I have failed, or had bad marks in my assignments. I receive a particularly nasty comment from my professor with personal comments on laziness, not getting the point, making me feel stupid, lazy, not delivering anything worth while. There are also points about not getting my degree.

On my side, I think this is what I love. I felt that I have tried a lot, despite difficult circumstances. What do I do?

Finding at least five reasons I am great for each negative comment. Then, looking at this negative critique and trying to see if there is any concrete, any actionable material.

If there is, then I take note.

Then, I wear my best, and praise myself in front of the mirror. Isn’t it great, to be able to deliver an assignment which almost passed, despite working part time, having to help my family and to face some blues? I am an awesome person. Then, have some coffee and a piece of chocolate.

Now, let’s see if I can get some constructive feedback from someone who is positive, and then try to see how to address the couple of useful points made. And forget about the third one, it was just the bad mood of this critique.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

https://www.inc.com/scott-mautz/doing-this-1-simple-thing-in-face-of-criticism-gives-your-self-confidence-a-tremendous-boost.html

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