April 29 – the star

Dear April,

Today I had a meeting with a former literature professor at school, a big favorite, who also became a writer. He is now close to retirement from civil service, but his writing career continues.

It was great seeing him again!

We met at the café, and between two bites of croissant and a coffee, we managed to catch up for last year. He was advising me on publishing houses for my book. Another friend of his joined after a while, and he told her I was a “star” student, and continued being a star.

Now a “guest star” in my hometown and hopefully a star in Paris, I thought. In case Parisians haven’t realized it yet, I will help them open their eyes soon… 🙂

I also treated him as a rock star, when he explained that a student was harassing him and he had to hide in order to escape and go home.

A bit later, during a conversation with another friend, she questioned certain artists’ vanity: their need to be acknowledged and admired for their work. I quiet understand this need: how difficult it is to accept criticism when you put something of yourself into your creation. Identity seems to fuse with the work, frontiers are blurred.

If we want to advance, we need extendable identities … to love our work for what it is, and at the same time to be nurtured by the feedback.

We need to be a bit“vain”, consider ourselves, simultaneously as perfect and able to transform

As artists, as humans, we love, we ask to be loved, we are lovable every single moment of our lives!

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April 28- Ruby Sparks

Dear April,

You want to know if I am advancing in my search for true love?

I haven’t been dating in my hometown, not exactly.

Talking to friends or watching a film, doesn’t qualify.

To begin with, what is true love?

The day ended with the film “Ruby Sparks”, written by Zoe Kazan, who personifies the role of Ruby.

To make a long story short, a young writer who has published a bestseller as an adolescent, is alone and lonely. He starts writing about his ideal woman who somehow comes into life and appears in his apartment out of the blue. She becomes his girlfriend.

Ruby, that is her name, meets his brother and rest of the family. She has become part of his reality. But this is not enough to make him happy; the ideal woman is ready to leave him. As he tries to stop her, he reveals his secret: that he is her “creator”, almost a god, and can make her do whatever he likes.

After a violent confrontation, Ruby leaves him. The writer decides to write the end of his book in a way that emancipates or “frees” his character and gives her the right to exist independently of him.

When he decides to write a book about his relationship with the woman of his dreams, his creation, it becomes a successful book. And he gets to meet a girl who looks like the “Ruby” of his dream relationship.

The line between fiction and reality is sometimes difficult to draw.

The kind of issues raised by the film is dear to my heart: I am writing, and it has happened to me to create an ideal man. Last year, I have fallen in love with someone who was making me think of this character.

But don’t we all, at some point, want to “transform” a little bit, a person we love or like, to match our “ideal”? Isn’t a list of desired attributes a way to control and frame the existence of another, so that it is impossible to hurt us?

The thing is, if it is impossible to hurt us, maybe we get bored and walk out of this “perfect” person.

Freedom is so important! A friend has told me that love is not to melt in one another, but to become emerged by the other without losing our unique qualities.

Our potential to become!

Writing, fiction, forms of creation are ways to stretch our own, but also other people’s identity; to propose a platform where we can meet.

 

 

April 27- rainy Sunday

Hi  April,

Spiderman came indeed in Alexandre’s sleep. He told me himself on the phone. His mother described him wearing on his head his underwear for a mask, and his socks as gloves, chasing around Marius, who copied him.

He wanted to speak with his godmother, who understands the Spider-mania.

And other “manias” of course.

His call found me at the local restaurant where I was having lunch with family and friends.

Outside, it was raining heavily.

Just after, I found a quiet spot and started taking notes for my next book.

That was good. I felt advancing.

 

April 26 – my philosophy

Dear April,

Today I continued playing in a lower key: for the first part of the day, I planned a meeting with one of my best friends. She used to live in Paris. It was time to catch up, especially since the weather was nice and we enjoyed siting outside. We talked about ourselves, families, friends, plans.

Then, I took a walk by myself, towards the old town: I watched the beautiful view, looked at the clouds passing by and meditated. It is important to be a realist, but also to have dreams and objectives. At least this is my philosophy: to keep my feet on the ground and the head in the clouds.

When there is a will, there is a way. And there is a will, if there is a dream. What is my purpose? I want my novel to be published and then translate it in English.

I also want to create inspiring events that help people find a meaning in their lives.

A meaning that includes being tolerant and loving to others

April 25- the return of Spiderman

Dear April,

I realize that you are leaving us soon, and I also decided to leave my hometown on the same day.

Since I had been seriously working and stressing the day before, I decided to take it easy on this Friday. I woke up late, spent too much time showering, fixing my hair, doing my exercise routine.

It was almost the afternoon, when my good friend and mother of my godson, Alexandre, rung me up to see if I could meet with them: Alexandre, Marius, and the happy parents could come nearby. It sounded like a great idea, and before I knew it, they arrived.

Alexandre was very excited to be outdoors -he is ready to follow any stranger if he is heading to the front door of their apartment-.

As a serious and conscientious godmother I took him to some toys, in the form of an air-balloon and a taxi, that become agitated as soon as you put some coins in the right place. But as soon as he perceived some balls with the form of Spiderman on the surface, he managed to get his hands on one of them.

He was so excited, impossible not to buy it! With this acquisition we all went to the café near a place where he could play. Alexandre was in ecstasy: he threw the ball on some of the tables where innocent bystanders were having a drink or coffee. Three adolescents were frightened when the ball almost landed on their head.

Come play with me! Alexandre demanded.

And there I was running up and down, trying to avoid proximity with café clients. It was fun. Spiderman was at his best: he was going up, down, changed hands, feet.

I had a chance to talk to my friend A when P, Alexandre’s father was in charge of the Spiderman ball and the two kids.

We talked about life, friendship, ex-boyfriends, choices, what I look for in a man, growing up, having a purpose.

It was 23.00 when they decided it was time to go. Marius, already asleep didn’t have an objection, but Alexandre was not ready to go home.

Spiderman will come and pay us a visit this evening, I told him. But we need to have our eyes closed, if we want him to really manifest. I was hoping that if he closed his eyes, he would go to sleep.

I am not sure I have given him the right advice.

I’d better keep my eyes open when Spiderman drops by for a visit.

 

April 24- Danny Brillant

April hi,

I will go to the essentials: today I finished the application for the job and mailed it. This has been my biggest accomplishment of the day.

The second is that I finished working on the documents I needed, while listening to Dany Brillant’s albums. The café owner is a big fun and I followed his entire career from “Suzette”, to “On verra demain“.

I like Danny too; if I succeed I might have to thank him for the inspiration.

I couldn’t stay, for once, at my parent’s house. There was a plumbing problem and everybody was agitated. Between the plumber and Danny,  the plumber didn’t stand a chance.

I also realized that if I continue drinking “café au lait” with croissants and pains aux chocolat, exercising only to change table at the café, I will only put on unnecessary weight.

It is time to go back to Paris.

 

P.S. an example of the café’s music selection (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOzZ1zBBw2A)

April 23- love and secret identities

Hey April

You were supposed to be sunny but you were also cloudy today. My deadline for the application is tomorrow, so I worked on the CV and some other documents, from the same spot of the local café.

But there is something that was distracting me the whole day: the conversation I had on the phone with my old flame, the day before.

Here we were, talking after two years. When I practically “disappeared” after I learnt he had been unfaithful. Why didn’t I tell him he hurt me? Instead of saying something like: “I wish you good luck”! I could have been angry, face him.

Was it pride? Partly, yes.

I thought, this makes no sense, if I just don’t want to see him again. You communicate when you want to continue a relationship and try to work things out.

Two years later, I pretended being kind of cynical or “blasée”, like him.

Why not show my emotions and say what I really want? I was afraid of being hurt, of course. Or, that I would have been considered naïve.

It can be fun to have a secret identity online. You hide, but at the same time this allows you to reveal an important aspect of yourself.

But when it comes to love, shouldn’t I take off the mask to connect to another person?

April 22- a love from the past

Hello April,

how did I do today? I have declined a proposal to go out for a drink in order to work on my CV as a serious and conscientious adult.

I admit that the first part of the day found me struggling against laziness, in my favorite café, despite the urgency of the approaching deadline. I even had the time to listen to the conversation of two men who had a business meeting on real estate and bank loans.

My CV needs to tell a story that is well written and easy to understand. Luckily, a friend will help me with the form. But still, I need to update it and translate part of it in English. And, yes, my spelling is not as perfect as I would have liked it to be.

When my summer event associate and old friend S, joined me, the café owner wondered if I was planning to move there on a permanent basis. S was worrying that he couldn’t find accommodation for our artists, since it is the South of France, and our event takes place during the tourist season.

I thought of my acquaintances who know the whereabouts, and X, a man I had been in love with in the past, crossed my mind. I called him on the spot. I had dated him two summers ago, and had a crush on him, until I found he was “comforting” the widow of a friend for her loss.

I was disgusted when he confessed and decided not to speak to him again.

Was the summer event an excuse to see how he is doing? Maybe. I am not angry any more, although I don’t see any other possible relationship with this person than hotel contact information, and rooms to let.

Still, I felt something while I was on the phone. I was happy to talk to him. Because I like him after all. He is part of a group of friends, and although there are a lot of reasons I don’t want to have him around – negative view about life, egotistic, unfaithful- there are also things I love: his artistic side, imaginative, creative.

I wish you well X. I just need someone who is brave enough for love.

Oh, and thank you for the contacts

April 21- success stories

April hello again,

My hometown challenge continues. I have avoided serious work and spent time walking around and chatting with former neighbors who happened to be at my favorite local café.

I am tempted to lie when I am asked about what I do: to present an idealized picture of my life in Paris: did I make it?

After all, I don’t owe the truth to everybody I meet.

But I owe the truth to myself.

What is success to me?

I would have liked to live from what I love to do: writing, and event organizing for example.

And to share my life with people who can connect and co-create with me.

Is the Platform the place for that? It is a school, where I learnt a lot –or at least so I think –  on human beings, relationships, diplomacy. I also have a chance to meet with international artists.

Do I live from what I do? No

Do I connect with people in similar wave length?

There have been waves: In this period, more than I did in the past.

Writing a blog helps me to be clearer about my objectives.

I see that I need to go towards other people with suggestions.

Appreciate what I am and what I am becoming. Accept my drives and desires.

My parents suggested that I find something closer to my hometown. In a smaller structure. Of course, it is not the first time they say that.

Should I go for something smaller close to my hometown or something bigger in another country?

Or strengthen the relationships I have in Paris? And at the same time develop an international network that will allow me to be flexible?

Because I love Paris…

April 20- challenge

Hello April,

How do I keep positive thoughts for 10 days when I participate in my hometown and family lunches and dinners? There is a family and hometown dynamic with its own rhythm.

After an intensive eating, drinking and chocolate consuming, family conversations form a bubble. It is a challenge not to let oneself being absorbed by the group.

I went for a walk by myself; it was sunny and beautiful, visited my primary school, said hello to the spring roses, the butterflies and had coffee at my favorite café.

Called friends who live in the area and planned to meet up in the next few days.

Did some reading.

Emailed a guy I like back in Paris.