so this is my honest last year’s update I as to work and work:
I took a risk, financial, professional, I worked long hours and it doesn’t look to have paid: I wonder, is there something I could have done differently to have a better result?
It felt as if I tried things and nothing worked out: especially in my area, I have started collaborations with high-profile people, but they supported my idea reluctantly and then when I wanted a sign of support they vanished.
I completed a difficult project but I didn’t get the funding.
I worked on the side in a job that was not fulfilling to be able to work on my project.
I suffered in this job.
I loved the project.
What could I have done differently?
Have I knocked at the wrong door?
It’s like making everything for a relationship to work and then it doesn’t and you have to pay for the divorce.
Overall, I felt like I have been working so hard in two directions.
The first, I did it to earn my living in London. I taught some adolescents who were painful, they didn’t appreciate it, and in an institution which gave me an unprepared course to teach. I accepted because I thought I didn’t have a choice and I failed.
The second, the one I liked, my art project with some established galleries. When we didn’t get funded, they removed their support.
The thing is, they didn’t see my project as enough to give them credit personally.
I relied on three or four different people, without giving more importance to the contribution of one of them.
In this case, I liked the idea, but I felt like I had to please people as if I were a slave in the feudal system. And they were never satisfied, believe me.
So, what now?
I need to treat myself with more respect.
I deserve some credit, and my sacrifice even if it didn’t pay materially, at least it should make me realize there must be another way.
Do I give up?