March 30- The day after

Hello dear March,

how are you doing? For me it is the day after … a battle, where I didn’t win the prize. My bones hurt and I allow myself to feel tired. Is there a lesson to learn? Was my proposal good enough? Did I advertize it as much as I should have? Did I find a champion to defend it? Many questions, that I can answer later.

Right now the most important thing is to relax, feel good, and then, I will have the time to learn whatever lesson there is to learn.

I deserve a special treat. Going to my favorite café. Eating a piece of chocolate. Listening to my favorite music. Talking to a close friend. Kissing someone I am in love with and being kissed. Or something close to that. Read or write a poem. Or both.

After all, I did better than last time. And I should acknowledge this fact and appreciate my effort. Putting myself at stake, out there, demanded some courage.

I can also think of the larger picture. Getting this funding or job, is a step, an intermediate goal, towards the Big One: not only advancing with my personal work and diffusing it but creating an inspiring Platform where people will be stimulated to give their best, and they will find the means to realize their dreams. A place where we will put together something worth transmitting to future generations 🙂


March 26- Looking for sunshine on a cloudy day

Hello dear March,

I don’t know how to say it, but the day started cloudy and rainy, with some results that didn’t go in the direction of my wishes. I had some “inside” information that my project will not be chosen for funding.

Now, I still need to see what was said about it from the people who are taking the decisions. Just to help me see if it is something I can learn and try again, or not. Right now I am not sure what to think.

Am I unreasonable to try in the same direction? Well, it depends to who I ask the question to.

I will ask it to people I respect, and who know how this system works, to help me see more clearly.

But after this, I needed something agreeable to think, so I went to FNAC, the culture department store in France, where you find from books, music, to computers, … theater tickets…

I was looking around and fell into someone I have briefly met in the past. He gave me a precious information. Where I can find a person who might help me understand what is going on with my artistic endeavors.

That was a sunbeam that brightened my day.

And the presence of an American writer, who happened to talk about his work at the moment I was there:

Michael Connelly.

I liked something he said on his writing style.

He doesn’t make a plan, he starts and then lets the story guide him. (Maybe he has an idea of an ending he is looking for, a sort of goal).

But he couldn’t tell us about all the steps.

I might learn something from this technique and apply it to my life.

I know I have a purpose.

It’s ok if I don’t see all the steps from where I stand right now.

I can trust and be comfortable with the unknown.

March 24b- Lunch with a friendenemy

Do you have friendenemies March?

What do I mean by that? Let’s say, someone who seems to be kind to you, who invites you for lunch for example. Someone who is supposed to be your hierarchical superior, a sort of mentor. He gives you “advice” and seems eager to help you, but only when it doesn’t cost anything to him. And also puts you down in a subtle way.

I had lunch with this sort of ex-mentor. It was to see if he could advise me on my art project that I submit for funding. But through the conversation, it was clear he was only nice at the surface. He was telling me to give up.

The thing is, I learnt from another source he has a candidate he prefers over me.

Why did I go see him if I had this information? Was it necessary? Just to lower my spirits?

On the other hand, since the idea came to my mind, I thought, maybe there is a reason, I might understand something more about the situation.

The friendenemy or false mentor, is like a bad parenting figure. A parent who likes one child better than another, and you are the least loved one. You are always not as good as, there is not much expected of you, and your parent attributes a failure to your incompetence. A possible and more healthy solution is to change environment and choose to be with positive people who believe in us.

How do we recognize friendenemies? I think it is our feelings. When a person seems to be kind to us, even flattering us, but at the end of the interaction we feel bad, we should confide into our gut-feeling.

So I bid farewell to my ex-mentor.

He can do his best for his new “champion”.

And I will look for another mentor 🙂

March 24- I have Confidence … :-)

Oh, dear March,

Have I confidence? Do the members of the committee who will read my art project have faith in it? We will find out at the end of the week. Right now I am emailing influential people, and listening to the “Sound of Music”, that I had discovered as a child, … as a form of soundtrack …

These old musicals, they are timeless… in French it is different, … I need to check for uplifting songs… 🙂

A song somehow stirs emotions in a way a simple text will not, it combines ideas with powerful emotions… a song we love 🙂

March 23- A final step of this month’s challenge: advertizing myself :-)

Dear March,

I thought I could play around and be lazy for a while after the intensive first two weeks, but I just found out the decision on my art project is taken this weekend! That means there is some serious last-minute advertizing of myself that needs to be done.

I am divided between stressing up, and showing a motivated, yet, cool attitude.

The thing is, I am kind of a perfectionist, so the public relations department has not conducted my campaign with enough fervour until now (meaning me, myself and I).

A friend told me I look too cool, so people might think there is another chance for her, she is not “hungry” enough.

How do I find the right balance between being eager, not feeling afraid to say “vote for my project”! and still have this interior peace I am looking for?

Probably when I don’t think about myself and what people think of me, and concentrate more on my project and vision?

March 20- Singing -almost- in the rain

Of course I am not talking about you dear March,

today it was a half-eclipse half-sunny day. I mean that I was mistaken on the date of my ticket for the musical “Singing in the rain”, at the Châtelet theater in Paris. My friends just texted me: “where are you”? since the performance started half an hour ago.

Well, too bad I wasn’t careful! On the other hand, although tickets are sold out, I might try my luck tomorrow and get in the theater in case someone has changed plans, or got confused – I shouldn’t be the only one in the world.

Where was my mind? Was it the fault of the eclipse? I had been working on a fast rhythm the weeks. After I finished my March 13 challenge there were still things to be done in the next few days, so I decided to relax, go to the hairdresser and walk around the city.

I had been sleeping early in the morning for the last few days and it takes some time to get me back to the old style 🙂

So I am singing by myself as I finish this blog-post, hopping to see the performance tomorrow!



March 13- Mission of the day accomplished :-)

Hello March,

do you months sleep or not?

for the last three nights I have been staying late working, emailing, writing, until about 4.00 in the morning. No, don’t come start a conversation when I wake up, it might be impossible to get something intelligible out of me.

Did you know that intelligent people are supposed to sleep late? What do you mean this is not proof enough?

Ok, let’s talk about something else. Actually, I fulfilled the last step for the professional challenge of March 13. It was the difficult part where I had to contact people of some influence in the world of art and ask for their help. Somehow, I would rather hide, invisible, and expect/fear to be discovered some day.

To get myself on the spot, knock on doors and defend my creation is not exactly my cup of tea. So I postponed it as much as possible. Self-sabotage? Where did you hear about this?

My work was not ready enough, or this is what I told myself until the last-minute. It was as if I prepared for the scenario: here is my work, could you help me and say something in my favor? Oh, yes, it is the last-minute. I see, you are so busy, you don’t even have time to take a look at the future event proposal. I understand, I should have told you before.

With this scenario, I don’t get completely brushed of: the person in question, just doesn’t have the time to take a look. It isn’t as if he/she said he doesn’t like what I do. So, I don’t get a result, but I neither get a negative feedback.

It is as if you almost ask someone out. You tell them at the last, very last-minute. Would you go out for a drink at 19.00? And it is already 18.45. If the person invited says no, you can’t attribute it directly to the fact that he doesn’t want to. It is understandable to have another project. So a doubt persists. An ambiguity. Maybe B likes me after all. Maybe not. Maybe. It could be better than no, but some times, it could be worse.

Despite my resistance, I fullfilled the third step of my professional challenge.

And despite some self-sabotage, I managed to get together some support and present myself to people I didn’t know. (I had a glass of wine before for this last one, but I don’t see it as a permanent solution).

Will it work?

It is important that I have asked. And in this way, there might be a result. For this step.

In any case, I feel that my work has evolved since last time I tried in this direction 🙂

March 12- How to extend Time and Luck

Hello March,

would you have an idea on the question of luck and time? If only we cold clone ourself and send our different selves to the errands we want to fulfill it would be just great. Or if we could extend time so that the day would last twice as much, and the same with our energy. But then, this is why our time and experience is so precious, because it is rare, and our attention is the best gift we can offer to someone we love.

On the other hand, you are right, what would I do with all the time in the world and an army of clones if they don’t do the right thing? It is like having employed people without any qualification and unwilling to learn.

The solution? Good Luck :-), or the “miracle solution”.

Did I see you smile? I got it this time?

I found a post with interesting ideas on luck. Just to resume some main ideas, we need to be like children, experienced but daring middle-aged and wise elderly. especially, the lucky attitude is not afraid of contradictions. You keep all your options open.

Work, but also be relaxed. Focus, but take it easy.

When it comes to relationships, it would be work on a relationship but also smile to the attractive guy who is sitting next to you at the Parisian café.

Ok I might exaggerate a bit, but well…

If I get back to my affairs, I was late with many things, but I have fulfilled the step no 2 and 3 for my March 13 challenge. I just need to work today and tomorrow and take it easy;

This year my proposal is much better than last year.

I am proud because I see progress.

Now, the only thing missing is that the others also see it, and unanimously agree to hand me the position 🙂

Luckily 🙂

Good Luck Google Rock


March 10- The most successful person I know

Hello dear March,

I have a few tasks to accomplish, so a success quote might be what I need right now. The weather is a bit grey in Paris but they offered me a chocolate at my favorite café 🙂

So, yes, I want success, you want to know what I mean by it?

I checked it up at the dictionary, here is what I found:

Success is

a. the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame

b. the correct or desired result of an attempt

c.  someone or something that is successful : a person or thing that succeeds

You want to know what I think about it, don’t you?

a. Ok, so the first one is achieving something that is socially agreeable: fame and respect have to do with other people. But I could still not be happy. Many famous people are wealthy and famous and yet, don’t seem to have a good time. What about wealth? It is a plus. But it doesn’t stand by itself. So there is a secret ingredient that makes all the others count, and without it they are meaningless.

b. the second is the one I have been a little bit at a loss the last few years. I have made attempts, but the desired outcome has not always come up. For example, I have applied for funding, here there and elsewhere. And I got something but yet, many times I haven’t 🙂

Yet, Michael Jordan could jump up here and have a word of encouragement:

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed”.

You might object, yes but this is Michael, not you April. I agree, I don’t try to be a world-class basketball player 🙂

As to the third definition of success, a person or thing that succeeds it is my favorite, because it shows how arbitrary these things are: who decides if a person is successful? what if I decide for myself?

I am most successful, the most successful person I have been closely acquainted to, yesss (I don’t think I am as closely acquainted with anybody else). Whose word would be enough to contradict me?

Society? It is very vague. Even people who seem to agree, they might doubt. I might get dressed as a queen and go to a fashionable café. If my way to behave lacks confidence, if I seem to ask forgiveness for my existence, my expensive designer clothes will not be enough even for the anonymous “others”.

So, let’s give ourselves a vote of confidence as successful people! Let’s be the most successful person we are closely connected to in our life!

Why? Because We say so 🙂

Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. - David Frost

March 8- For women and men

Dear March,

19 degrees Celsius in Paris and a sunny day, isn’t this already spring time? Is this a special gift for woman’s day you are offering us?

My friends who visited for the weekend from Belgium just left, so here I am, on this Sunday afternoon, celebrating “Woman’s day” at my latest favorite café 🙂

Let’s have many days of women and men, because it feels to me that when women are not respected, men also have a hard time 🙂