November 2nd, 2020-Making time for what is important, day 7

Welcome November, birthday month!

I started the day with fruit juice, exercised, read something and even went to run small family errands while taking a short walk; before emerging myself in my online work environment, my laptop screen.

I was zen before my father came up with a list of things for me to do, urgent, in his view, while I made it clear I could deal with them from Thursday.

I realised I got angry, like feeling nothing is enough for this family to be satisfied in this quasi-adult situation. But why did I get mad after all? Because deep down, I guess, I still wait for my parents approval. Here, there are two choices: either I try to respond to every demand they make, asap. This will not make them happier, it will just make me exhausted and frustted. Or, I can put my limits and give myself an accolade for doing this.

So, my adult self, instead of getting angry with myself should be: well done, girl, this is a way to behave as a quasi adult. The ideal adult wouldn’t gat mad, I guess. She would smile and make a philosophical comment on the fact that we can’t satisfy everyone all the time.

What if nobody likes us that way? Well, we need at least to make sure we give us a vote, so that will make one person. And if a second, or a third one comes, so much the better.

So, yes, April, you did great. You are a lovable, inter-dependent woman, who knows when to take a break with a cup of coffee in the sun, (it’s autumn so we should make the best of it) and when to think that x or y is an emergency.

And for this, I grant you a piece of 85 percent sugar, dark chocolate 🙂

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April 5, 2020- Sunday morning at home :-)

Hello April,

yes, from home again. I realise how important it is to have a daily schedule and daily rituals when days look similar and you don’t have the kind of variety that work and others used to paint your life with.

First things, first: being grateful for being here

Smile to the face in the mirror

Play with the cat

Feed the cat

Give fresh water to the cat

Have breakfast

Have coffee

Have a nice cookie

Meditate

Talk to family members

Dance

And dance again!

 

December 23, 2019- Dream life and flu in my family home

Hello December,

two days before Christmas in my village in the South of France. Yes, it is charming. But when you arrive from London and you get a flu right away, plus the problems of my parents, it is a bit too much.

Or, maybe it happened with a different order. First I got stressed, and then I got the flu. And instead of doing all these necessary but also pleasurable things I was meant to, I am at home with the cat, watching the Hobbit 1, 2 and 3.

In any case, instead of moaning or becoming a female Ebenezer Scrooge from the homonymous story, I write about my feelings.

After working a lot, stressing and doubting my marvellousness at my new job, I thought that I could do some fun things before starting to work on my student’s art portfolios.

And finally, yes, finally, I realise that after Hobbit 1, 2 and 3, and the necessary things like bills and the like, there will be no time left.

TIME.

But maybe I just need to reevaluate pleasure. Why is it pleasurable only to live on a bike expedition and discover the hidden paths of the South of France as my neighbour does?

Is Hobbit not a work of art after all?

And my parents, and the cat less worthy company?

Some Christmas music, and I might prepare myself a Grog instead of drinking this horrid cough syrup.

After all, when is the best time to Dream than taking advantage of this flu time?

November 13, 2019- Knowing how not to get affected by childhood dynamics

Hello November,

how is it that our parents have a way to get into us that other people don’t? Somehow, feelings become magnified when something is related to them. All the childhood memories, wounds, happy moments become activated.

When it’s good, it’s great.

I mean, not everyone has a chance to grow up with parents who take care of them as kids, so, having experienced that is a blessing in itself.

Still, we are all human beings and parents are also human. The best of them can also instil feelings of guilt on something, or not being good enough or worthy of X, Y and Z.

And then we might find partners or other people who reinforce this dynamic as we grow.

So what to do when we catch ourselves there?

It’s important to say: STOP and rewind.

Is this playing the same old film?

What if I step out and refuse to be part of it?

That’s what I do.

I step out for coffee.

I write in my blog.

I am not responsible for my parents’ happiness or unhappiness.

I may contribute, but it’s their life also.

And I can’t take the blame for anything that seems not to work.

Or for anything that does.

Let’s do the best I can.

And forgive them, and forgive myself for not being perfect.

And thank them, and thank me for who we are.

I likes this one :

When You’re Hard on Yourself: Replace Guilt with Self-Compassion

November 12, 2019- Growing up through pain and delight

Hello November,

I had a beautiful birthday with cake, candles and friends. At the same time I felt that loving ones are not with me, because it is not possible, and I felt between guilt and sorrow.

At the same time, I realise that mourning a part of our previous life is normal, it is growing up. Something needs to go away in order to free space for the new.

I can’t be an adult and have profound relationships if my only point of reference is my parents. This is not good in someone 20s, even. So much more when you are more of a grown up.

Not having yet a family unit of my own, makes me more attached to my original family. But this is an illusion.

There was never a paradise in any age, and our relationships need balance between giving and receiving.

Do I allow people to come near me in order to create adult relationships?

And when I think about adult, I mean anything from friendships, professional, love and romance, even animals.

It would be great to adopt an animal.

Or a human being.

In any case, start to become an adult;

At least in some aspects of my existence.

I am afraid there are still a few clothes on the chair and floor 🙂

December 22, 2017- Christmas around the corner

Hello December,

with Christmas on the doorstep, some season’s songs are a must. The only thing, they don’t inspire me to finish this project, and it’s for today.

They inspire me more to stay home with a cup of chocolate and a good book 🙂

Well, both could be possible if I prioritize.

It’s great to take some time to recharge our batteries with people we love.

November 16, 2016: Ladybug challenge day 1

Hello November,

yes, I know, I announced a challenge but let some time pass… between the moment of decision and the moment of the execution there is a gap but it is always time for a good idea!

So here I am with lots of tasks, trying to be on top of my game and how should I respond to the challenges that arise keeping my purpose on sight?

It feels as if I have been busy, but not always with my no 1 purpose.

So it is time to define it.

1. Writing a book on art this year
2. Writing literature
3. Finding a well-paid regular job
4. Being found by the love of my life

Now, how do I keep my level of energy up and my optimism to the highest? Mind power? Super resilience? Top self-confidence?

I want to have fun on this also!

How about doing one unexpected thing a day!

March 5, 2016-day 33 out of 60 day challenge: Love Again!

 

Hello March, the title is ment both as an incentive to fall in Love yet another time, for those who are out of love, but also, speaking of Love again, after the Valentine’s amorous period.

I don’t know exactly where I stand myself, regarding love feelings. At least that is what I have told my “compatriote” from the South of France who happened to be passing by for business purposes. We went out for a drink to catch up since he is returning to France tomorrow.

He told me how lucky he feels, to be In Love again, so soon after having broken up from a former girlfriend. They had been together for years, and despite feelings of love, they didn’t see life in the same way. It was mostly her decision and a month ago we were still speaking of his ex and his feeling of loneliness. Now, his face was shining. The new person in his life is someone he had already met through a group of friends. He thinks there is a connexion between them she is the “one”.

But this was not the first time I heard a love story today. This is why I say, Love Again.

This time, it is the love affaire of a woman who should be about 75 year’s old. She is an old school teacher with whom I have kept in touch. She told me that when she met her husband at University, in her early twenties, he was in a rock band: she fell in love instantly. They were still together until he passed away, last year. And the last time I saw them together, they seemed to be a loving couple, and two wonderful people.

I don’t know if my first friend is right about his new partner. I hope he is. But I would definitely like to end up in a couple as the one of my former school teacher.

Do you think we can fall in Love Again? And are there Love Stories that last a life-time?

 

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3754438

February 22 and 23, 2016: day 26 and 27 out of 60 day challenge- I meet a writer!

Hello there February,

I was having some coffee and lucky me, I came across a book presentation! A best-selling Irish author, Sinead Moriarty was presenting her new book, “The way we were”. To be honest, I didn’t know who she was, but decided to buy her last book and I got a dedication from the author herself!

Now, do you want to know if I read it? Or if I like it?

Ok, I will try to answer in an honest, April-like way.

I liked a lot her idea of a plot. The father of a happy family decides to take a professional assignment in Africa, gets kidnapped and the family thinks he is dead. They reorganise their lives and then, the father comes back in flesh and blood. What happens next? Aha!

I also liked the way she presents different people’s emotions. It rings so true.

I also loved her dedication at the beginning: ” to all aspiring writers”, it felt so personal!

In any case thank you Sinead 🙂

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25242231-the-way-we-were

December 21, 2015: Hints for Santa

Dear December,

we are driving towards the end of the year and my letter to Santa has not finished yet! Yes, I have been busy in my hometown, but I have also been absorbed by my older self still alive in the eyes of family and old acquaintances. It is like telling them my hair is red now, and they insist telling me it is brown.

Can’t you see I have changed? Why do you still talk to the old April?

But mostly, why do I respond as the old April?

As the adolescent I have been?

Because this April is still living in me, ready to take offence and get mad when she is looked down upon.

You get the picture.

Is my inner child still hurt?

Dear Santa, how do I bring a gift to this little April and let her be happy?

What would she have liked?

She would have liked everyone to be happy. Herself included.

And she feels overwhelmed when people around her are not.

But there are limits to that. We can’t make other people happier than they decide to be.

It is like consuming a nice dessert, or a piece of chocolate. It can bring instant gratification.

But it doesn’t last if the person consuming this gift is not capable of offering a gift back.

So, little April needs to understand this and produce gifts for herself and others but also, be ready to receive her own gifts.

April would like her own family and friends,

Those who appreciate and love her,

those who believe there is good in this world,

the good we create as chocolate,

there is creative imagination,

there is beauty,

there is hope

and Santa is here for the rest 😉

http://eventstocelebrate.net/2013/11/letter-to-santa-free-printable/