I have been extremely busy and almost burned out, I have sweat in the London heat and now I can ask, even in the heat of the action: is what I am doing meaningful? Does it take me to the direction of my dreams?
Heat in London, and everything slows down or speeds up, it change…
So, if I compare with the last two summers is there a change? I am again organising an artistic exhibition and stressing up… I really love it but there is some pressure to get everyone and everything together.
I now realise that even when the situation seems the most important, as if it were going to be critical for my future, it is not in the way I think. Another one comes equaly critical. And after all, I am still in this field.
But enjoying the process, is so important!
And after all, what matters more is the bigger picture, the reason why I do all these…. and it has to do with creativity and creation!
I realise you are a very demanding month, the last two years I find myself organising summer art exhibitions and there is always a last-minute cancellation to fill in everybody’s nerves tense, and still… will pull it through…
So should I let myself stress? I try different solutions… after all, these summer exhibitions haven’t changed my life in a spectacular way… they contribute to the path I have taken, but there is not this one moment which determines everything… I guess there is always a possibility to change, to correct, …
This is what I tell myself, it is a marathon we are running for success, so the most important thing is to stay fit and continue running … not to sprint for 100 meters and then fall down breathless…
so there is this blogger meeting, the Blogger’s Bash I intend to attend for the first time, and meet people who share the same passion: writing and publishing something on line on a regular basis!
In the meanwhile, I have been dealing with practical questions: how to keep my environment organized, satisfy my flatmate who thinks I don’t clean the surfaces in the Kitchen every time I finish cooking -she might have a point- with creative writing, organizing my next artistic event and also looking for funding opportunities for another round in the UK.
Hmmm… and last but not least, I need to walk more than 15.000 steps a day so that our team wins the trophee at the working platform I am attached to.
So, where is the time for romance? Passion? Exhuberation? Soul searching?
To be honest, I start from soul-searching and being open to inspiration.
This is why I can forget spraying Dettol on the kitchen or to put my clothes in order.
This is also the reason why I start my working day after lunch.
And why I finish so late!
Do I want to change that?
I like writing late, the feeling that I am the only person around.
There is something rebellious about it, I am not sure I can find early in the morning.
I am still in front of my desk with my eyes kind of aching after all these words I have been reading, writing, erasing, rewriting.
Actually I admit I have a publishing fear: I am writing, and then I don’t really show my work to the publishers I could have. Especially in the world contacted. Especially when it comes to writing a project for my other activity, the artistic project organization, I seem to feel overwhelmed: I still have on my mind the words of my critics, it doesn’t make sense, it is not well written, it is … not publishable for the brochure of the exhibition… you’d better stick to contact the catering… who do you think you are, the curator?
Just to make a long story short.
The thing is, I have dared to publish a book. But I went to find a publisher in my French village, probably hoping no one will find about it.
At least none of my Parisian, high brow critics.
I am a great performer, so I dare to explain things in meetings.
But when it comes to writing the text, there is something in the form that doesn’t fit the gallery’s standards.
I decided to change that.
I will sent as many projects as possible. They will wonder how on earth I found the time.
these last two days I kind of crashed a party: it was for my work not for pleasure; or maybe both 🙂
I was told about the launch of an event in the near future and I had inside information about the whereabouts of the group who would prepare it. I vaguely know the person in charge so I appeared on the day X with an innocent smile: oh, I was just in the neighborhood!
Finally they asked me to stay and it is even possible that I will become part of the group in a formal way: at the same time I take a risk of passing the tolerance limit of the person in charge who might find me undisciplined …
I was feeling between happy for my risk and afraid I overdid it… is it worth being intelligent and coming up with good ideas if this was not the moment to speak my mind? Because when I get somewhere I forget about strategy and like to enjoy myself.
“Cerise sur le gâteau” : one of the senior star-artists who was invited had a crush on me; he emailed me something that looked like a love letter today; he is definitely not my type and that could complicate things.
The only plus: he is living in Vancouver; so we might only see him again next month:
tonight, at the cocktail party that followed the launching of an exhibition, I run into an old flame. He is a Belgian I had been in love with, briefly, during the preparation of an event,artistic event, and then he vanished somewhere in Germany. He has proposed to me to collaborate and I accepted even though working with him brings back memories.
He is in a relationship now, and he doesn’t seem very happy: this is probably the reason why he is bitter about my plans and perspectives. Not exactly what I need. Of course I need precision, I need to ask people with experience; but it is also good to have cheerleaders around who will tell you: just go for it!
At the same time I think he is talented and his idea makes sense. I shouldn’t throw it away but take a first step and see what it feels like working together again; in any case we don’t need any geographical proximity. And a lot of other people would be involved 🙂