March 17, 2017-How to value Creative CHAOS

Dear March,

I have read a lot of “how to” advice and I feel a bit confused: do you have a rule of thumb about the best way to be effective and to materialize my wishes?

For example, I wish my room to be tidied while I am writing, to see the trousers and sweaters go directly on the right drawers, I see a vacuum cleaner and even small etiquettes with the names of each category;

I also see myself dressed, clean, with perfect hair and nails, in my impeccable outfit;

I see job applications completed by themselves, and future employers astonished at the profile and qualities they read. Not to mention the style of the application, absolutely perfect.

I also see all my finances in order, bills, …

My handbag is also very much ordered, my library, my head.

How is this possible?

It is so funny but at the café I am right now, I listen to people make comments on other people. Two friends in French and a couple in Portuguese.

And me?

I see my book advancing at a rhythm I couldn’t imagine; and another book written; and a translation of my current book in English.

All this happens while I lay here, and I relax in front of my coffee cup. In London.

All this happens miraculously.

But even if all this order and perfection is not present at the moment, I am quiet happy with the messiness and creativity of my imaginary musings 😉

I see people inviting me to give lectures on my books, which have a great impact.

And the love of my life by my side but respectful of my writing time and need for alone moments.

After all, order is born from chaos and creativity needs a chaotic moment;

 

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November 2- Allow ourselves to feel good

Dear November,

have you ever felt guilty? Not doing enough of the things you should have done to honour your name? Not enough brown leaves, Not yet Christmas, if you compare to December.

Comparison with others, is something that I have already written about. But comparing to some imaginary standards that we impose to ourselves? That our family, friends, coworkers have?

When I was a child, I was feeling guilty because I was reading literature instead of studying for school. Or watching my favorite tv series. Or playing.

Pleasure was coming first. But, this pleasure was poisoned with guilt: I didn’t want to give up on being a serious student.

It is clear that for my parents, studying for school was essential.

Have I really changed?

Is it possible to both go all the way in the direction of our desires, and not feel dependable to someone else who expects something different of us?

When we live in society, things get complicated.

But feeling guilty for having fun, is not assuming who we are. Ok if our pleasure is self-destructive, like taking drugs, we should do something about it.

But what if it reveals our inner being?

Or we simply do something nice for ourselves? Do we have to justify it?

If I have too many expectancies of myself, I am never good enough, worthy to be loved; that is what it means.

As if I failed myself in an imaginary exam.

What if life were a birthday party instead of an exam?

Do we have to be worthy to get a birthday present?

I think we all deserve one.

http://www.atelierenfant.com/stage/Atelier_de_Chocolat

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kimberly-berg/guilt_b_1825702.html