I am still in front of my desk with my eyes kind of aching after all these words I have been reading, writing, erasing, rewriting.
Actually I admit I have a publishing fear: I am writing, and then I don’t really show my work to the publishers I could have. Especially in the world contacted. Especially when it comes to writing a project for my other activity, the artistic project organization, I seem to feel overwhelmed: I still have on my mind the words of my critics, it doesn’t make sense, it is not well written, it is … not publishable for the brochure of the exhibition… you’d better stick to contact the catering… who do you think you are, the curator?
Just to make a long story short.
The thing is, I have dared to publish a book. But I went to find a publisher in my French village, probably hoping no one will find about it.
At least none of my Parisian, high brow critics.
I am a great performer, so I dare to explain things in meetings.
But when it comes to writing the text, there is something in the form that doesn’t fit the gallery’s standards.
I decided to change that.
I will sent as many projects as possible. They will wonder how on earth I found the time.
I have committed in writing every day, so we will keep each other company for the next few days.
By the way, I sent my manuscript to a new publishing house and have a good feeling about it;
In this way I am moving in the direction of my heart’s desire. This action has fuelled up my motivation and chased the feeling of helplessness that was dwelling around.
I was picturing myself alone, misunderstood, with a mountain of challenges to face. Like a damsel in despair at the approach of a dreadful dragon.
The film “the Life of Pi”, released in 2012, that I watched recently, somehow inspired me: Pi, a shipwreck victim, is an Indian adolescent. He is stranded on a life boat with a tiger that was transferred on the ship, and he finds a way to survive in its company. The film is extremely rich in meanings, but I will just choose a point of view relevant to my experience:
I dreamt of myself as a Tiger. There was another animal attacking me, and I was hopelessly trying to defend myself or make it go. Then, I had to come to a realization: I can’t escape or win, as I am right now. I need to transform into something else, something more powerful. And there it was, I became a huge Tiger, roaring. That settled everything.
As a tiger, I need to change my eating habits. I think we eat on average six kilos of meet a day. Also sleeping hours; and I need a territory to chase. But I will figure out everything.
The most important is that no Platform animal should come bother me if it is the moment for starters 😉