May 29, 2015- Spring Update, Part 1

Dear May,

you are leaving us in a couple of days and I have to admit I have left a lot of things pending in my work. Projects I have promised to fulfill, artistic work, my book, etc. Emails I haven’t answered. I wouldn’t come out as dependable these days in the artistic event organization.

Am I responsible for this? Yes, partly. It was I who wanted to go against the current, I who daydreamed as a form of escape when the wannabe boss was giving me a hard time.

When things become hard, the hard get going? Do we need to fight or fly?

I did both. I fought, as much as possible. The wannabe boss threw me out of the Platform. But the Platform was not a form of Paradise.

I also fled.  In my imagination. I disappeared! I took a spring break. I worked alone. On my project A that is not, as usual, bringing me money right away.

I didn’t bother to email people who complained, and instead, I wrote blog-posts.

So, I found a way to keep me happy, for most of the time, and made some other people unhappy, but for unimportant questions. My email wasn’t the center of their existence, after all.

Has this behavior affected my image as a professional? A little bit. But I can wash myself clear if I take action now.

The thing is, it is important to feel empowered. To feel again that my action can change the direction things will take.

And for a while, I wasn’t sure about this.

Now that I am ready to act again, independently of the presence of a wannabe boss, I realize how precious it is to find a group of like-minded and like-hearted, creative people.

One can be great, but an encouraging environment can transform us to something even better!

 

And after all, talents are important only when they are developed and used for the common good 🙂

http://quiz.metaskillsbook.com/

 

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April 1rst 2015: 1rst blog Anniversary!

Hey April, welcome!

you know this is my first blog anniversary don’t you? A year ago, I decided to transform myself in order to find true love and a paid job that I love. The wannabe boss, a sort of aggressive figure in my world environment inspired me to put my thoughts down and watch how things go.

And now what?

Have I fulfilled all I was looking for a while ago? Have I transformed some of my wishes? Myself? Neither? All of them?

There is a form of transformation happening, taking different forms.

Has my everyday life changed?

Well, I still don’t have some sort of financial stability.

The wannabee boss kicked me out of the Platform of artistic events, and I didn’t succeed in my funding efforts or job applications during this period. I haven’t moved my stuff out yet, and I am looking for a new working place.

But, I might have a possibility to associate myself with new partners I have just met,  mmm I don’t know if I can trust them yet.

I am happy to have advanced with my work, and there is a publication project in France for something I have written a while ago, a small publishing house is interested in it.

The love of my life? I have flirted, kissed one or two people, daydreamed with B at the café. I have listened to the almost love confession of H, my ex, currently in the middle of another relationship. No, I am not interested.

There is also a four-year old little boy who has invited me to go on holidays “just the two of us”. I might need to wait fourteen years and see if his offer is still valid.

So, romantically speaking there is progress, but still scope for improvement.

Hmm, I am the love of my life for now, with the possibility to extend this love to another person, the rest of humanity, animal/physical and non physical entities, ….

As to blogging, it has been such a great experience!

So much fun and it gave me the possibility not only to express thoughts and feelings, to keep track of them, but particularly to interact with wonderful and creative co-bloggers!

Somehow, I don’t feel desperate if my X or Y application doesn’t work. In the past, I was really sad, thinking, am I not good enough for them? Should I give up? As if this was my unique chance.

Now I feel more confident. Somehow, I will make it. I can apply to x and y, learn where I want to go and not just throw applications for positions which don’t mean much to me. And feel that I have a bigger project and these small steps are intermediate goals, part of a larger picture, not the main purpose.

Happy Birthday April4June6, and thank you for this beautiful adventure!

May 11- tranformation and self-love

Dear Sunday May,

I was to have tea with a Chinese friend, but canceled it because there were things I needed to work on this afternoon. He was so kind to say: never mind April, another time!

I couldn’t have finished in the morning, for the simple reason that I woke up late, after having been out last night. So my Sunday started practically after 12.00 when I decided to take my computer and go out in one of my usual Sunday headquarters. Just a parenthesis to specify that certain cafés are closed on Sundays in Paris, so for a café-lover as me, I need a Sunday hangout.

The first step, is usually a café where I meet up with a group of friends who leave at about 13.00 to have lunch elsewhere. So, I skipped this step and went directly to the second. It is a place where I often have lunch, tiny, with good prices and friendly waiters. Great cocktails at night.

I worked a lot, talked to a friend who joined me at some point. Chatted with the guy next table who wanted to know if he looked fine in his jeans.

I answered yes. This triggered a thought about liking, or loving oneself and self-transformation. Being liked, loved by others, is so important, we are ready to do almost anything to assure this love. Write a blog, become a rock star, sacrifice for others:

But how do we like ourselves? We can choose nice-cut jeans. We can eat well, buy ourselves beautiful things, or things that others consider valuable. We can become very accomplished, beautiful, rich, famous, helpful, powerful.

But is this liking or loving oneself? How about the desire for change? Is it based on self-love or self-hate?

In my case, I think self-love is to accept I have valuable things to offer and not feel diminished every time I ask others to join a project, an idea or even a date. If they yes, fine. If they say no, it is fine also.

If I ask for an approval I risk liking myself less every time I get a negative answer.

If I concentrate in co-creating, I am conscious of having something valuable to offer, but so do others. It is just different, that is why we are complementary.

Finding the right partner-s is necessary to love, grow, transform and create.

PS. Thank you Kimberly for the post on liking yourself! http://kimberlyharding.wordpress.com/

http://www.leclairparis.com/