May 29, 2015- Spring Update, Part 1

Dear May,

you are leaving us in a couple of days and I have to admit I have left a lot of things pending in my work. Projects I have promised to fulfill, artistic work, my book, etc. Emails I haven’t answered. I wouldn’t come out as dependable these days in the artistic event organization.

Am I responsible for this? Yes, partly. It was I who wanted to go against the current, I who daydreamed as a form of escape when the wannabe boss was giving me a hard time.

When things become hard, the hard get going? Do we need to fight or fly?

I did both. I fought, as much as possible. The wannabe boss threw me out of the Platform. But the Platform was not a form of Paradise.

I also fled.  In my imagination. I disappeared! I took a spring break. I worked alone. On my project A that is not, as usual, bringing me money right away.

I didn’t bother to email people who complained, and instead, I wrote blog-posts.

So, I found a way to keep me happy, for most of the time, and made some other people unhappy, but for unimportant questions. My email wasn’t the center of their existence, after all.

Has this behavior affected my image as a professional? A little bit. But I can wash myself clear if I take action now.

The thing is, it is important to feel empowered. To feel again that my action can change the direction things will take.

And for a while, I wasn’t sure about this.

Now that I am ready to act again, independently of the presence of a wannabe boss, I realize how precious it is to find a group of like-minded and like-hearted, creative people.

One can be great, but an encouraging environment can transform us to something even better!

 

And after all, talents are important only when they are developed and used for the common good 🙂

http://quiz.metaskillsbook.com/

 

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April 1rst 2015: 1rst blog Anniversary!

Hey April, welcome!

you know this is my first blog anniversary don’t you? A year ago, I decided to transform myself in order to find true love and a paid job that I love. The wannabe boss, a sort of aggressive figure in my world environment inspired me to put my thoughts down and watch how things go.

And now what?

Have I fulfilled all I was looking for a while ago? Have I transformed some of my wishes? Myself? Neither? All of them?

There is a form of transformation happening, taking different forms.

Has my everyday life changed?

Well, I still don’t have some sort of financial stability.

The wannabee boss kicked me out of the Platform of artistic events, and I didn’t succeed in my funding efforts or job applications during this period. I haven’t moved my stuff out yet, and I am looking for a new working place.

But, I might have a possibility to associate myself with new partners I have just met,  mmm I don’t know if I can trust them yet.

I am happy to have advanced with my work, and there is a publication project in France for something I have written a while ago, a small publishing house is interested in it.

The love of my life? I have flirted, kissed one or two people, daydreamed with B at the café. I have listened to the almost love confession of H, my ex, currently in the middle of another relationship. No, I am not interested.

There is also a four-year old little boy who has invited me to go on holidays “just the two of us”. I might need to wait fourteen years and see if his offer is still valid.

So, romantically speaking there is progress, but still scope for improvement.

Hmm, I am the love of my life for now, with the possibility to extend this love to another person, the rest of humanity, animal/physical and non physical entities, ….

As to blogging, it has been such a great experience!

So much fun and it gave me the possibility not only to express thoughts and feelings, to keep track of them, but particularly to interact with wonderful and creative co-bloggers!

Somehow, I don’t feel desperate if my X or Y application doesn’t work. In the past, I was really sad, thinking, am I not good enough for them? Should I give up? As if this was my unique chance.

Now I feel more confident. Somehow, I will make it. I can apply to x and y, learn where I want to go and not just throw applications for positions which don’t mean much to me. And feel that I have a bigger project and these small steps are intermediate goals, part of a larger picture, not the main purpose.

Happy Birthday April4June6, and thank you for this beautiful adventure!

January 26- Update on love and work

Dear January,

yes, I am ready for an update since the month of April 2014, the beginning of this blog. What were my objectives and what has happened?

The idea was to transform myself in order to reach important goals that can contribute -I think- to my happiness:

a. find true love (and be found by it).

b. get a real job that I love (meaning getting paid enough to live and …enjoy art, fashion, traveling, offering gifts, having a luxurious home, etc) (https://april4june6.wordpress.com/about/).

Now, if I want to be honest with myself, it would seem as if I haven’t accomplished my goals, at least not completely. But it is important to acknowledge the progress I have made:

A. In terms of true love, I found myself lovable, and try to live up to a true love of me, which is a way to love other people also.

Writing a blog, is a positive action, it has helped my emotions to unfold. So it weighs in the balance, on the side of true love, I would say.

I know you will tell me, come on, April, be more specific: are you on a relationship with another human being, a man right now? Mmm, not exactly. I have dated someone though during this period of time.

I still have an imaginary crush on B, the guy I occasionally meet at the café. But our romance -which could be one-sided- has not advanced more than the occasional greeting kiss on the cheek (la “bise”). And we have been in the presence of a whole bunch of people.

Being in love is essential to me. B is a source of inspiration, but it could be interesting to have more interaction or to choose another romantic interest. Varying a bit the cafés I go to, might be helpful 🙂

B. In terms of work, I decided two things:

a. to be my own Boss. This was a big decision, and I feel proud for taking it. I have a new artistic project I am attached to, and I want to see it materialize.

b. my second decision is to do everything it takes for a position I have in mind, in the artistic world. It combines a lot of things I really like.

Ok, I have to admit that during this period I kind of got “fired” by the wannabe boss. Kind of, because he wasn’t paying me anyway.

The projects I had submitted for funding last April and passed the first evaluation in June, was not accepted in the end. Actually, it would involve leaving Paris, so, I might not have wanted this to happen in reality.

My spirits were occasionally low and that was the period I was daydreaming instead of answering emails or writing a report. It is communicating what I have done, emailing, that I am not very eager to do. But, I don’t come up as very professional and efficient that way, despite the good work that has been done.

So have I transformed? I am in a process of transformation.

Have I reached my goals? I have reached intermediate, but very important goals. I am on the way of accomplishing these goals and I keep walking!

In the end, I think that walking in the direction of a goal, or a dream, not only transforms me, but also my dream.

NYE

http://bpar.org/new-years-resolutions/