summer solstice today, hey, this is great, I had some sun on my head when I went for tea today in London, but it was raining all morning. Just to cheer us up, I found this beautiful sun designed by Megan, an artist from Chicago.
By the way, I also decided the best way to deal with Mega goals is to act in a spontaneous way. I will let you know how that works. You see June, I am not good at pushing myself. I think self deserves a chocolate from time to time, a hug, a nice cup of tea and other similar things. So even if there is a list of things to be done, I will give them their time and I will take mine!
a small change I can try today is how to learn from feedback without letting it throw me off-balance. Yesterday I invited an artist to participate in an event I will organize back to France. He told me the gallery is not good enough for him and he wouldn’t know of anyone who would be interested. From his acquaintances.
That kind of shook me because it triggered older insecurities. I believed in this project and I mean to go back to Paris to talk with the gallery people. This idea of hierarchy somehow made me sad.
Is he right? Should I try to connect to the places/people with the best possible reputation instead of going the other-way round? Meaning, instead of collaborating with those I like and whose work I appreciate without checking on their reputation?
My former way of doing things has not been very productive from a material point of view. But starting from the utility of people and things is not in my philosophy.
Coming to London, is an opportunity because I have connected to a lively artistic platform with a good “reputation”: How can I evolve from here in a way that I am in harmony with my values in life?
more than 31° Celcius today in Paris! My summer clothes and shoes were still hiding and all of a sudden I had to find something light to wear! It felt like a holiday … almost… things changed in the evening with a storm.
This day could serve a metaphor for me: I started in the morning with a visit to a “salon de beauté”. It is something to do when I get stressed up. And then I have to work until almost midnight. I guess I am a night-bird.
It was at about 1.00 that I went back to my different projects:
-Istanbul, to begin with. I am to get there by the end of the month with a group of artists. Will I get paled? Probably no. Will I get funding from the wannabe boss? He promised, but …
-A Brazilian artist I work with arrives in Paris just before this event and I am in touch with him for whatever he might need in terms of organization.
Then, there is something else for early September.
Am I spending much time for things that might not pay off materially? Yes and no.
Not right away.
I need a strategy. That is the thing.
Am I in denial, ignoring the realities of the artistic life in Paris?
I probably am.
One of my strategies has been to built international collaborations, but it hasn’t worked well enough.
have I mentioned that I promised to organize a mini artistic event in Istanbul by the end of the month? I had invited some artists, but there is a risk that the wannabe boss might not pay for their expenses. He promised to do it as a “bonus” to me, if I leave “quietly”, without protesting complaining.
Maybe because I am more powerful than I think.
On the other hand, I had a really hard time to reimburse my artists last year for the event in the South of France. What do you mean if there is any written evidence of the promise. No, there isn’t any.
And yes, I could have been more organized and asked instead of avoiding the question for the last two months. But I felt overwhelmed with other issues and it was too much to add this one.
On the other hand, I really want to go to Istanbul, a mythical city. And somehow, deep down, I feel that I am going to make it.
The other thing I need to keep in mind is that this is a good time to look for jobs and this is more urgent.
Istanbul is a great project, it blows my mind but it is like a firework, and I need some steady fire to warm my home and cook dinner.
how are you doing? For me it is the day after … a battle, where I didn’t win the prize. My bones hurt and I allow myself to feel tired. Is there a lesson to learn? Was my proposal good enough? Did I advertize it as much as I should have? Did I find a champion to defend it? Many questions, that I can answer later.
Right now the most important thing is to relax, feel good, and then, I will have the time to learn whatever lesson there is to learn.
I deserve a special treat. Going to my favorite café. Eating a piece of chocolate. Listening to my favorite music. Talking to a close friend. Kissing someone I am in love with and being kissed. Or something close to that. Read or write a poem. Or both.
After all, I did better than last time. And I should acknowledge this fact and appreciate my effort. Putting myself at stake, out there, demanded some courage.
I can also think of the larger picture. Getting this funding or job, is a step, an intermediate goal, towards the Big One: not only advancing with my personal work and diffusing it but creating an inspiring Platform where people will be stimulated to give their best, and they will find the means to realize their dreams. A place where we will put together something worth transmitting to future generations 🙂
I have spent the day in quasi-friendly professional meetings; the objective was to find allies (and get the wannabe boss off my back). Did it work? I don’t know, but I spent a lot of energy on that…
At this Platform, or network of artistic event organizers I belong to, I have a small budget to spent. The wannabee boss who is no 2 or this structure wants to push me out. He gave me some objectives he thought I couldn’t fulfill. I succeeded but he has been looking for excuses not to give me the budget that was allocated to me. During the summer months I have organized artistic events and promised some funds that haven’t come yet. And I am not eager of meeting with the wannabe boss and his nasty assistant. They are insulting and try to put me down.
Then why do I stay? The Platform could be an interesting place, in Paris, a city I love. If I am a star, part of a galaxy, the Platform is a network of galaxies, that is called an AMA in astronomy. My objective is to attach myself to another galaxy with another boss.
Going back to my day: my first meeting involved a group of people, I presented my projects and that I am out of blue as to the means to accomplish them. This took me a while, and then I needed to be at the Platform, for lunch with another group. I arrived late, and they were already at the desert phase. But I was excused and joined them for coffee.
Then a third meeting followed, with a colleague who is also a friend, for a debriefing of the situation on my side and hers. She also needed my advice on her projects. We ended the discussion late, and when I got back home, all I could do was to buy myself a chocolate cake.
I would have finished it by myself as a form of consolation, but fortunately I run into another friend and suggested to share it. Probably the best thing to do …