May 26, 2015- Getting clear about what I want

Dear May,

have you have ever felt confused about something you did? You decide for example that you want more flowers, and instead of the good weather that we normally expect, you become windy and cold, one day, warm the next. I had also decided to go in one direction and then I just did something that points into another!

Let me explain: for quiet some time I have been working on an artistic project and would like to get it funded. I am at a crossroad right now professionally speaking, and not only. I am going to move out of my office at the Platform and out of the mean wannabe boss.

So I thought this is a good time to get in touch again with people who I have met the last years and I appreciate. They could become a source of inspiration. Among them, a young informatics guy who is helping artists with their installations. I decided to call him because he is very competent and he has always been on my side. I thought this would motivate me.

When we had met, I was working on something different which I have put aside. I could call it my plan B. So naturally, he mentioned it right away. He thought I called him for this purpose, and started giving me ideas and suggestions. He is so eager to help me, that he is ready to lend me a book that would be most helpful.

I am so grateful, but I also felt overwhelmed because I accepted to borrow this book. And I feel bad because I didn’t dare tell him I am not interested.

I should have said: N, look, I just wanted to talk, or see you because you are a vitamin. But I am not on plan B right now. I work on plan  A.

Am I going to borrow his book this Friday or excuse myself and do something else?

I need to be clear with my purposes and feelings; say what I want and need!




February 21- Speaking up your mind

Dear Feb,

I hope you don’t mind this form of intimacy, February. You have been around for a while, so it feels like this is the moment to have a conversation with you: on speaking up my mind. No, I don’t mean I have been lying to you until now. Don’t be susceptible!

What I mean is, you have been watching me interacting with people, so you will understand.

Let’s say we go out for a drink, coffee, or herbal tea. We engage into a conversation, and then you say something I don’t like. It might be on purpose or not. I find it hurtful, in any case. So, how do I react? Do I answer back? Tell you, wait a second here, … ?

It could be a casual friendly relationship, a flirt, it could be an intimate relationship, and this is more tricky.

What I do, personally, is that I might think:  “I don’t like what you say, but I’d rather not tell you directly, I don’t want an argument”. 

But still, I will not feel ok, and this will affect our relationship, because I might withdraw.

So is it better to speak up my mind?

If one person for example starts criticizing something I like, let’s say, blogging, or being a Parisian café fun, …

Finally, YES, I think it is better. It is good to say: “you are trespassing here, darling. I don’t like what you do to my personal garden, that I nurture with care and love”.

If I don’t, I might be an indifferent gardener. And this is not a basis for any kind of healthy relationship.

So, dear, you don’t have to like my habits, approve of my behavior or life-style.

But if you want to be friends, respect our difference and love what you don’t understand.