February 11, 2021: Post-a-day and Self-praise protection before and after receiving nasty criticism- we need both

Hello February,

yes, it is a beautiful winter day today; I am feeling better after vertigo, thank you for asking. Indeed, this is why you haven’t seen me more. But it was probably necessary to slow down a bit.

It felt as if I pushed myself too hard with resolutions and to do lists, and I forgot that the most important thing is to enjoy the moment and feel grateful for the air we breathe…

I also admit that I was sad with some criticism I found harsh, and it brought back fears and insecurities.

Taking criticism personally, or being afraid that whatever it is about will be difficult to deal with, this is what made me feel bad.

I realise, that if we believe in our self-worth, criticism can be faced constructively. It is like, “of course, I can learn how to do this better”, or to go towards something I enjoy more.

On the other hand, even when you try your best, someone might not be happy. It is important to put some boundaries to malevolent criticism. Like, thank you, but no, thank you.

Like: “I am sorry you don’t feel well about yourselves, critical guys, and you need to throw all this in my front door. This belongs to you, not to me”.

I sympathise, but I need to go though a ceremony of self-Praise before I deal with that.

Let me make it more concrete.

Let’s say, I am a student, and I have failed, or had bad marks in my assignments. I receive a particularly nasty comment from my professor with personal comments on laziness, not getting the point, making me feel stupid, lazy, not delivering anything worth while. There are also points about not getting my degree.

On my side, I think this is what I love. I felt that I have tried a lot, despite difficult circumstances. What do I do?

Finding at least five reasons I am great for each negative comment. Then, looking at this negative critique and trying to see if there is any concrete, any actionable material.

If there is, then I take note.

Then, I wear my best, and praise myself in front of the mirror. Isn’t it great, to be able to deliver an assignment which almost passed, despite working part time, having to help my family and to face some blues? I am an awesome person. Then, have some coffee and a piece of chocolate.

Now, let’s see if I can get some constructive feedback from someone who is positive, and then try to see how to address the couple of useful points made. And forget about the third one, it was just the bad mood of this critique.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

https://www.inc.com/scott-mautz/doing-this-1-simple-thing-in-face-of-criticism-gives-your-self-confidence-a-tremendous-boost.html

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November 16, 2020-Making space for what is important, day 9- or how to find yourself when working from home

Dear November,

yes, I am back in my parents’ home in a small town, at the South of France, in my forties. An idea I would have hated as an adolescent. Nevertheless, COVID19 didn’t exit in my teens, neither online work from home.

So, yes, I find myself here, because I haven’t created yet a family unit of my own, and I am not completely established in London, in a home where my mother is going through the residues of a stroke, with a lot of difficulties.

How do I keep positive and cool when I see her suffer and sometimes accusing me of not having found the way to make her feel good?

I realise, that regardless of the reality of the stroke, this is what most parents ask of their kids, and it is way unjust.

Kids are here for the purpose of life and not to fulfil any particular purpose, I, think. Happiness is growing in certain circumstances, but an active collaboration is required. I know I couldn’t have made her happy if she didn’t find her way to happiness.

So, how is it possible to navigate these waters and to balance between humanity, love but also love for oneself?

Lockdown makes us look inside to find the answers.

Where they were found all the way.

Maybe this is the lockdown’s blessing.

We may realise that a change of perspective is essential for our happiness, and nothing outside will not replace this trip.

Should we take it alone?

No, we need to ask for help, and help is given in many forms 🙂

Asking for help is not a weakness but a strength.

July 12, 2020- Day 4 out of 66 for new habit- self confidence and self love

Hello July,

so, 4th day to get myself to care for me in a deep way: in terms of food, relationships, work, body, feeling deserving for good things.

After having a haircut and communicating with my love interest, I realised he is having a lot in his plate right now, and maybe flirting is not in his priorities.

Or almost. I could leave him some space and if he wants to discuss anything or share it with me, I will be there. But I will also have my heart and eyes and ears open for love.

He seems to be paralysed because he can’t make up his mind and make a decision about his future. This is something I have experienced also, from time to time.

In this case, I think it’s better to step back and take a holiday. Pray, listen to the birds, (there is a pigeon next to me right now, singing … as nice as it can get …).

I am also happy to continue writing my new book.

And grateful for everything.

It’s important to realise we are not as intelligent and knowledgeable as we think and be ok with that.

In other words, even when we think we have enough information to make a decision, we usually don’t. Or, even worse, we don’t know ourselves and our wishes enough.

What are we to do?

Listen to the occasional pigeon (if nothing else is around) singing, and be laid back. Then, try to get some information from people and sources which might be worth listening to, and also consult our gut feeling.

Voilà!

So today, I will go see some friends, trying to keep a physical distance 🙂

New Habit

7 Steps To Developing A New Habit

April 23, 2020- Self-pampering and resilience after a cat scratch

Hello April,

here I am again, at home, after being scratched by my parents’ cat-Bella; she wanted to be petted, but then it was too much and she scratched me. Well, how do you change your mood to positive without letting a random event become an excuse for grumpiness?

Some chocolate might help actually.

Also some self-pampering.

Showering ourself with extra love if our cat is not doing that today.

A piece of chocolate

Some affirmations

Grooming ourselves

Giving ourselves a hug and a medal for something we did:re

https://www.lifehack.org/845540/building-resilience

May 29, 2018- Loving who we become

Hello May,

are you always the same or do you notice any change in you as time goes by? And I am not talking about growing up, or aging, but about the changes in the way we see things and the way other people see us.

After all, is it possible to grow without changing?

And what type of change are we talking about?

I am talking about the caterpillar to butterfly change.

Is it possible in any stage in life and any age?

Well yes, if we talk about personal development, shining, glow related to being balanced, loving and caring to ourselves and others.

I am having my morning coffee and a waitress agreed I need to go to the hairdresser.

Yes, I know.

Is this the reason I might have less dates?

Would I want a date who only cares of my hair?

How about my gorgeous smile and body?

How superficial are we after all?

Ok, let’s say that taking care of ourselves is a first sign that we respect ourselves.

But shouldn’t this start internally?

Appearance of confidence and taking care of oneself are appealing, but the REAL thing is so much more valuable!

I see people who only have the appearance, to be willing to give up their money in order to get the feeling of it.

But is the internal thing enough to get around if your hair starts looking like a bird’s nest?

All this comes from having a partial rejection from a man I had a drink with.

Well, meeting people is nice, but doing it from our “home”.

When I am in my center, I feel balanced, and my connexions might be.

Any connexions

11 Ways to Love Yourself

http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/04/09/11-ways-to-become-the-person-you-love/

June 12, 2017: Taking the morning for myself

Hello dear June,

after working until midnight on my poems, I woke up with a mood; some positive thinking didn’t work wonders, so I decided to take the morning off. Just for me.

I had a sense of emergency the whole weekend. This and that and the other.

But this epiphany was enough.

I am heading towards hot chocolate, to begin with.

I am getting outside.

There is some sun, we will eventually meet.

And I might look for a hairdresser I had postponed.

Emergency or not, I want to feel good now.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/17/morning-routines_n_5348994.html

May 4, 2017- In the mood for love

Hello May,

So, spring is here, everybody is in love, so why not us?

It feels like something is on its way, even though it is not clear what.

London is cloudy, and chilly but underneath it all, you know it is time to expand, in the way nature does.

Any May resolutions?

Well, yes, apparently, to love ourselves enough so that we don’t become clingy and obsessive when hit by the arrows of love, nor depending, nor anything of the kind.

Falling in love is so great, but if we are in love with ourselves, who can resist us?

 

March 9, 2017- How to make a mistake and still feel confident :-)

 

Hello there March,

I had a discussion with a friend yesterday about making mistakes and still feeling Great! It is a bit challenging to realise you did something “stupid” and still feel so intelligent and on top of things.

My friend told me she is a pessimist, but she goes about with a huge smile. So different perspectives could work differently for different people. I proclaimed myself an optimist, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling messed up sometimes.

And then what?

Is there a way to fix things?

And to boost self-confidence?

Here are some ideas I found:

http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/6-ways-to-boost-your-confidence-after-making-a-big-mistake.html

January 29, 2016: Challenge day 2 for quantum leap: being kind to oneself

Hello January,

being in the mood for love is a great way to expect a quantum leap, I guess. And with February 14 approaching, I need a detox from anything but that.

A friend of mine told me he is impressed with the faith I have on people, him being more cautious probably. Can we trust others? And why not? After all, a lot of injuries come from ourselves, not from others.

A way to train to better one to one relationship apparently, in order to prepare for an awesome February 14 and after, is to speak kindly to oneself.

You might object: wait a second, when I speak to myself I usually turn my voice off. What are you talking about?

And YET, apparently, there is a special tone of internal voice we apply when we talk to ourselves. Is it kind? Do we speak to our pet in a nicer way?

If I say for example to myself with a smile:

Good morning gorgeous April, hello my beautiful Goddess, hello sunshine… or how was your day my talented genius, … it is a little bit different from

hey, April, still haven’t figured out how to do x and y? This is not a way I would treat a friend, not even an acquaintance, so a diet of kind and valorizing self talk is something I commit to, together with stopping using sugar for my coffee 🙂

At least for a while 🙂

 

praguetimesherald.com

October 5, 2015- How to dissolve haters

Hello October,

I am in the middle of a relocation from Paris to London, and this is going to be the last week of my everyday Parisian lifestyle. This Saturday it was “nuit blanche“, with artistic installations and exhibitions both indoors and outdoors. Our environment and its future was the big underlying question. What a fantastic idea!

Néle Azevedo for example encouraged participants to create a frozen character they could place on the stairs and wait until the sun dissolves this figure in the morning. I like this idea as a metaphor : it is the best method to dissolve haters!

I fell into one or two every now and then. The last two, people who judged my work for a competition I tried to win in March. I only got a chance to read their report today. It just couldn’t be worse! To resume their saying, there was nothing original in my proposal, the quality was bad, my work shouldn’t be considered and I was a fraud in every possible way. Had I only them to count on, I would have thought I was good for nothing in my field.

Nuit Blanche 2015 : le parcours Nord-Est

Well, the thing is this type of haters influence some other people who decide on my artistic funding in France. What should I do? Impossible to fight back. They position themselves as experts.

Maybe that particular position, as an artistic consultant was not for me. Or maybe it is. But another time at another temporality.

Thank you dear haters, for teaching me to love myself better, so I don’t need to prove anything to you. I only need to be creative and look for the right environment to blossom 🙂

So how do you dissolve this influence dear October?

With light of course.

I can hear you say “April just shine and let them DISSOLVE!”

Focusing on something else could also help.

Such as?

LONDON!

http://www.sortiraparis.com/arts-culture/balades/articles/94870-nuit-blanche-2015-le-parcours-nord-est