June 12, 2017: Taking the morning for myself

Hello dear June,

after working until midnight on my poems, I woke up with a mood; some positive thinking didn’t work wonders, so I decided to take the morning off. Just for me.

I had a sense of emergency the whole weekend. This and that and the other.

But this epiphany was enough.

I am heading towards hot chocolate, to begin with.

I am getting outside.

There is some sun, we will eventually meet.

And I might look for a hairdresser I had postponed.

Emergency or not, I want to feel good now.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/17/morning-routines_n_5348994.html

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May 4, 2017- In the mood for love

Hello May,

So, spring is here, everybody is in love, so why not us?

It feels like something is on its way, even though it is not clear what.

London is cloudy, and chilly but underneath it all, you know it is time to expand, in the way nature does.

Any May resolutions?

Well, yes, apparently, to love ourselves enough so that we don’t become clingy and obsessive when hit by the arrows of love, nor depending, nor anything of the kind.

Falling in love is so great, but if we are in love with ourselves, who can resist us?

 

March 9, 2017- How to make a mistake and still feel confident :-)

 

Hello there March,

I had a discussion with a friend yesterday about making mistakes and still feeling Great! It is a bit challenging to realise you did something “stupid” and still feel so intelligent and on top of things.

My friend told me she is a pessimist, but she goes about with a huge smile. So different perspectives could work differently for different people. I proclaimed myself an optimist, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling messed up sometimes.

And then what?

Is there a way to fix things?

And to boost self-confidence?

Here are some ideas I found:

http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/6-ways-to-boost-your-confidence-after-making-a-big-mistake.html

January 29, 2016: Challenge day 2 for quantum leap: being kind to oneself

Hello January,

being in the mood for love is a great way to expect a quantum leap, I guess. And with February 14 approaching, I need a detox from anything but that.

A friend of mine told me he is impressed with the faith I have on people, him being more cautious probably. Can we trust others? And why not? After all, a lot of injuries come from ourselves, not from others.

A way to train to better one to one relationship apparently, in order to prepare for an awesome February 14 and after, is to speak kindly to oneself.

You might object: wait a second, when I speak to myself I usually turn my voice off. What are you talking about?

And YET, apparently, there is a special tone of internal voice we apply when we talk to ourselves. Is it kind? Do we speak to our pet in a nicer way?

If I say for example to myself with a smile:

Good morning gorgeous April, hello my beautiful Goddess, hello sunshine… or how was your day my talented genius, … it is a little bit different from

hey, April, still haven’t figured out how to do x and y? This is not a way I would treat a friend, not even an acquaintance, so a diet of kind and valorizing self talk is something I commit to, together with stopping using sugar for my coffee 🙂

At least for a while 🙂

 

praguetimesherald.com

October 5, 2015- How to dissolve haters

Hello October,

I am in the middle of a relocation from Paris to London, and this is going to be the last week of my everyday Parisian lifestyle. This Saturday it was “nuit blanche“, with artistic installations and exhibitions both indoors and outdoors. Our environment and its future was the big underlying question. What a fantastic idea!

Néle Azevedo for example encouraged participants to create a frozen character they could place on the stairs and wait until the sun dissolves this figure in the morning. I like this idea as a metaphor : it is the best method to dissolve haters!

I fell into one or two every now and then. The last two, people who judged my work for a competition I tried to win in March. I only got a chance to read their report today. It just couldn’t be worse! To resume their saying, there was nothing original in my proposal, the quality was bad, my work shouldn’t be considered and I was a fraud in every possible way. Had I only them to count on, I would have thought I was good for nothing in my field.

Nuit Blanche 2015 : le parcours Nord-Est

Well, the thing is this type of haters influence some other people who decide on my artistic funding in France. What should I do? Impossible to fight back. They position themselves as experts.

Maybe that particular position, as an artistic consultant was not for me. Or maybe it is. But another time at another temporality.

Thank you dear haters, for teaching me to love myself better, so I don’t need to prove anything to you. I only need to be creative and look for the right environment to blossom 🙂

So how do you dissolve this influence dear October?

With light of course.

I can hear you say “April just shine and let them DISSOLVE!”

Focusing on something else could also help.

Such as?

LONDON!

http://www.sortiraparis.com/arts-culture/balades/articles/94870-nuit-blanche-2015-le-parcours-nord-est

May 29, 2015- Spring Update, Part 1

Dear May,

you are leaving us in a couple of days and I have to admit I have left a lot of things pending in my work. Projects I have promised to fulfill, artistic work, my book, etc. Emails I haven’t answered. I wouldn’t come out as dependable these days in the artistic event organization.

Am I responsible for this? Yes, partly. It was I who wanted to go against the current, I who daydreamed as a form of escape when the wannabe boss was giving me a hard time.

When things become hard, the hard get going? Do we need to fight or fly?

I did both. I fought, as much as possible. The wannabe boss threw me out of the Platform. But the Platform was not a form of Paradise.

I also fled.  In my imagination. I disappeared! I took a spring break. I worked alone. On my project A that is not, as usual, bringing me money right away.

I didn’t bother to email people who complained, and instead, I wrote blog-posts.

So, I found a way to keep me happy, for most of the time, and made some other people unhappy, but for unimportant questions. My email wasn’t the center of their existence, after all.

Has this behavior affected my image as a professional? A little bit. But I can wash myself clear if I take action now.

The thing is, it is important to feel empowered. To feel again that my action can change the direction things will take.

And for a while, I wasn’t sure about this.

Now that I am ready to act again, independently of the presence of a wannabe boss, I realize how precious it is to find a group of like-minded and like-hearted, creative people.

One can be great, but an encouraging environment can transform us to something even better!

 

And after all, talents are important only when they are developed and used for the common good 🙂

http://quiz.metaskillsbook.com/

 

January 26- Update on love and work

Dear January,

yes, I am ready for an update since the month of April 2014, the beginning of this blog. What were my objectives and what has happened?

The idea was to transform myself in order to reach important goals that can contribute -I think- to my happiness:

a. find true love (and be found by it).

b. get a real job that I love (meaning getting paid enough to live and …enjoy art, fashion, traveling, offering gifts, having a luxurious home, etc) (https://april4june6.wordpress.com/about/).

Now, if I want to be honest with myself, it would seem as if I haven’t accomplished my goals, at least not completely. But it is important to acknowledge the progress I have made:

A. In terms of true love, I found myself lovable, and try to live up to a true love of me, which is a way to love other people also.

Writing a blog, is a positive action, it has helped my emotions to unfold. So it weighs in the balance, on the side of true love, I would say.

I know you will tell me, come on, April, be more specific: are you on a relationship with another human being, a man right now? Mmm, not exactly. I have dated someone though during this period of time.

I still have an imaginary crush on B, the guy I occasionally meet at the café. But our romance -which could be one-sided- has not advanced more than the occasional greeting kiss on the cheek (la “bise”). And we have been in the presence of a whole bunch of people.

Being in love is essential to me. B is a source of inspiration, but it could be interesting to have more interaction or to choose another romantic interest. Varying a bit the cafés I go to, might be helpful 🙂

B. In terms of work, I decided two things:

a. to be my own Boss. This was a big decision, and I feel proud for taking it. I have a new artistic project I am attached to, and I want to see it materialize.

b. my second decision is to do everything it takes for a position I have in mind, in the artistic world. It combines a lot of things I really like.

Ok, I have to admit that during this period I kind of got “fired” by the wannabe boss. Kind of, because he wasn’t paying me anyway.

The projects I had submitted for funding last April and passed the first evaluation in June, was not accepted in the end. Actually, it would involve leaving Paris, so, I might not have wanted this to happen in reality.

My spirits were occasionally low and that was the period I was daydreaming instead of answering emails or writing a report. It is communicating what I have done, emailing, that I am not very eager to do. But, I don’t come up as very professional and efficient that way, despite the good work that has been done.

So have I transformed? I am in a process of transformation.

Have I reached my goals? I have reached intermediate, but very important goals. I am on the way of accomplishing these goals and I keep walking!

In the end, I think that walking in the direction of a goal, or a dream, not only transforms me, but also my dream.

NYE

http://bpar.org/new-years-resolutions/

January 18- Excellence Award!!!

Dear January,

I am just retrieving a gift, very kindly bestowed to me by Erika Kind, inspiring author and blogger: (https://erikakind.wordpress.com/2014/12/05/excellent-award/).

I have been extremely grateful for this nomination, but was thinking that it involved answering questions, and since I was busy with both important and useless errands, I was procrastinating. Could it be that I felt overwhelmed and not worthy enough of an award that is talking of “excellence”? Excellence seems like a cousin to perfection. And even if it is important to accept praise and distribute it, there is a critical non-loving side hiding somewhere, smirking: “Do you consider yourself excellent April?

Ok shadow self, what is your problem if I do? Go get some “galette des rois” (french cake for the Epiphany, delicious by the way), and relax a little bit.

So Erika, thank you, not only for this nomination, but especially because you has been reading this blog and for all your insightful comments!

Here are the rules once accepting the award:

1) The nominee shall display the respective logo on her/his blog.
(Done, this is an easy one 🙂 )

2)  Link to the blogger that has nominated her/him.
(Ok done also).

2) The nominee shall nominate ten (10) bloggers she/he admires, by linking to their blogs and informing them about the nomination. (This is always more tricky because there are many blogs I admire, it is difficult to choose).

Among the blogs that I admire with the order that they come to my mind. Among these blogs you can find artists, thinkers, educators, inspiring authors. I love them all!

https://kimberlyharding.wordpress.com/

https://julesgemstonepages.wordpress.com/

https://rachelcarrera.wordpress.com/

https://closetoeighty.wordpress.com/

http://yoursuccessinspirer.com/

https://tellingthetruth1993.wordpress.com/about-me/

http://movingtowardsthelight.com/

https://rubyspolaroid.wordpress.com/

https://chaitalibhattacharjee7.wordpress.com/

http://damiengwalter.com/2015/01/19/

excellence

November 18- Being the best and taking it easy :-)

Dear November,

I am expecting friends to visit and felt overwhelmed between cleaning up the house, keeping on track with my goals and taking some time for myself.

A lot of things have been accomplished, but the side of me that is critical, is not completely satisfied: is this good enough? There is an ideal of “perfection” that is hiding somewhere, ready to say a word.

I could compare this to the feeling I had as a child when I first stepped into a huge library. Is it ever possible to read all these books? And then, shouldn’t I, if I am a good pupil or student?

One of my teachers laughed at me and told me that with the time I will realize a lot of things are not worth reading, so that limits the number to quiet few in the end.

Maybe this is a bit arrogant, but at the same time it is a way to limit options and make a choice: what is important to me today?

Or, how do I follow an objective and at the same time stay cool?

It’s like being a tender mother to ourself, encouraging and loving no matter what, and at the same time giving ourself incentives to grow and get off  the beaten track 😉

Love Yourself Step 21.jpg

http://www.wikihow.com/Love-Yourself

 

November 2- Allow ourselves to feel good

Dear November,

have you ever felt guilty? Not doing enough of the things you should have done to honour your name? Not enough brown leaves, Not yet Christmas, if you compare to December.

Comparison with others, is something that I have already written about. But comparing to some imaginary standards that we impose to ourselves? That our family, friends, coworkers have?

When I was a child, I was feeling guilty because I was reading literature instead of studying for school. Or watching my favorite tv series. Or playing.

Pleasure was coming first. But, this pleasure was poisoned with guilt: I didn’t want to give up on being a serious student.

It is clear that for my parents, studying for school was essential.

Have I really changed?

Is it possible to both go all the way in the direction of our desires, and not feel dependable to someone else who expects something different of us?

When we live in society, things get complicated.

But feeling guilty for having fun, is not assuming who we are. Ok if our pleasure is self-destructive, like taking drugs, we should do something about it.

But what if it reveals our inner being?

Or we simply do something nice for ourselves? Do we have to justify it?

If I have too many expectancies of myself, I am never good enough, worthy to be loved; that is what it means.

As if I failed myself in an imaginary exam.

What if life were a birthday party instead of an exam?

Do we have to be worthy to get a birthday present?

I think we all deserve one.

http://www.atelierenfant.com/stage/Atelier_de_Chocolat

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kimberly-berg/guilt_b_1825702.html