July 12, 2020- Day 4 out of 66 for new habit- self confidence and self love

Hello July,

so, 4th day to get myself to care for me in a deep way: in terms of food, relationships, work, body, feeling deserving for good things.

After having a haircut and communicating with my love interest, I realised he is having a lot in his plate right now, and maybe flirting is not in his priorities.

Or almost. I could leave him some space and if he wants to discuss anything or share it with me, I will be there. But I will also have my heart and eyes and ears open for love.

He seems to be paralysed because he can’t make up his mind and make a decision about his future. This is something I have experienced also, from time to time.

In this case, I think it’s better to step back and take a holiday. Pray, listen to the birds, (there is a pigeon next to me right now, singing … as nice as it can get …).

I am also happy to continue writing my new book.

And grateful for everything.

It’s important to realise we are not as intelligent and knowledgeable as we think and be ok with that.

In other words, even when we think we have enough information to make a decision, we usually don’t. Or, even worse, we don’t know ourselves and our wishes enough.

What are we to do?

Listen to the occasional pigeon (if nothing else is around) singing, and be laid back. Then, try to get some information from people and sources which might be worth listening to, and also consult our gut feeling.

VoilĂ !

So today, I will go see some friends, trying to keep a physical distance 🙂

New Habit

7 Steps To Developing A New Habit

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April 13, 2020- Old wounds masked as today’s lack of confidence

Hello April,

why haven’t I finished my work? Why didn’t I submit it after all the work I have put on it? Why have I left my stuff in Paris abandoned?

Because I thought I couldn’t face all these challenges and then I felt that the sky was falling on my head as Astrerix and Obelix in the famous cartoon would say.

But after all, all wounds are there and they stir up the sauce even if I pretend to ignore them.

Can I do something?

Let’s finish my work, to begin with.

As if it were somebody else’s.

Let’s act.

Let’s accept those hurt feelings and honour this girl who went through all these.

My past self.

Image titled Forgive Yourself Step 14

https://www.wikihow.com/Heal-Old-Wounds

January 16, 2018- Facing Beginner’s Stress- Prepare, Breath and Play

Hello January,

starting today my part-time job, I felt kind of self-conscious and stressed up: will I rise to the occasion? Will I like it enough to give my best? Etc etc…

So, what to do in this case?

To begin with, I need to identify the source.

Deep down, I wonder if I have time to write and publish, my no 1 heart’s desire, or almost.

If I stay relaxed in a busy way, I will have an hour a day. If I am focused, this should be enough, that’s how I wrote my first book.

Second, do I like what I do, well enough to invest serious effort?

I like it well enough, so I should do some serious preparation.

Apparently, if you see some pictures of handsome Brits and Irish men, as a girl, you feel better:

http://calmingbrits.tumblr.com

November 17, 2017- Produce our best work: asking for feedback, not validation

Hello November,

how do we produce our best work?

I heard a speaker on the importance of combining talents and passions: in other words, not only do what we love, but also, use our talents, what we are good at in the process.

If becoming an astronaut looks good, do I really want to hang from the ceiling like this?

But again, what if I love the result and then I can learn to like or to get over certain inconveniences?

Is it a luxury to think about these issues when we don’t have enough to go around the next day?

No, it isn’t.

Long term thinking, is very important. Daily.

I can see that, because I have everyday practical questions to deal with.

But somehow, it feels that I need to focus on the long-term.

And then, only then, look into my everyday questions.

Writing, is my soul’s desire.

Some of the process has become less spontaneous, due to rejections I had from some publishers.

But is there another reason?

Do I expect validation from others for my work?

Feedback is important, but feedback and validation are two different things.

It’s also up to us to discriminate who is capable of giving good feedback.

If not, it is as if you are a goat and you ask the wolf to become your baby’s godfather.

Think about it twice

 

http://www.wideopenpets.com/10-baby-goat-names-new-farm-friend/

July 15, 2017- Building up confidence

Hello July,

I woke up at 5.30 and reflected on the way to reach my goal. And this goal is, to get the bet job in my field, and to be the best person for it. To contribute to something beautiful and meaningful through my art.

What do I do with fears, rejections etc? Can I hide them under the carpet?

They might come back.

Fears that I am fooling myself.

Ok, even if this were true, I can act as if.

What if I don’t persuade anyone else?

I can start from persuading myself.

What could I bring that is  useful ?

I think I have a unique way to see things.

Can I bring people with me? It feels kind of lonely up here.

Well, this is secondary. But eventually, you need to try to see how it goes.

Don’t look for approval, but feedback is good.

How do I change my routine to keep up the energy and the confidence?

How about start with taking a confident posture? this is important.

apparently, when you put your hands on your belt you already feel more confident.

So exercise is good;

But it has to feel good so that we treat our body with respect

 

https://hubpages.com/health/How-to-Build-Confidence-with-Your-Voice-and-Body-Language

November 9, 2016: Mind Power

Hello November,

here you are again and I need your energy. I realize my self-confidence needs boosting for the kind of things I want to accomplish.

I know I am good at my work, and I am talented. But when I need to perform and put myself out there I am not my best ally.

So, can you become my coach?

How do I develop a ‘moral d’acier, good enough to take me where I need to go and even further?

Yes, I am listening!

 

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June 1rst, 2016: Getting my self-confidence to work for me

Welcome June!

what if it’s cold and rainy in London, summer has arrived! And I will need your full suport for my plans, so listen carefully and come up with useful advice!

I had a meeting with an old friend and successful artist, who has built an international career; he has been presenting his work in different parts of the world. When we had first met we were both at the beginning, but it seems that my way had more road blocks. He evolved mainly in the States, I was in France. Now, he has become curator for a very avant-gard museum and also finds time for his work.

Somehow I felt stressed up at the end of this lunch, comparing his it to my situation.

Not again April, you might say.

Yes I know, I am more than lucky and grateful to find myself in London, but greed seems to be part of our culture; I want MORE

Is more better?

I need my self-confidence to work for me instead of sabotaging me. Is it worthwhile wondering, is my writing good enough? Is it going to be recognized by some powerful figure who decides on allocation of resources?

How about getting my power back and doing what I like better? The power figure is me!

Will my self-confidence be my personal trainer and coach?

 

Building Confidence

Developing Self-Confidence from within

April 25, 2016: Post day 12- You are Awesome no matter what!

Good morning April,

I had a great day today, finding two like-minded artists who would like to join me in a project.

So I am having some chocolate to celebrate and I remind myself and you too:

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November 10, 2015- Being an alter-native and enjoying it

Dear November

today I went through some major self-questioning on my work: what if people who read my text find my writing alter-native, strange and the worst a bad interpretation of genuinely good writing? I had the feeling that I might be using the same words but I the combination comes up as something different. Am I part of a community or an Alien lost in translation?

What is worst, my freshly acquired mentor in London was not to be found after I send him some of my art work and I started imagining the worst possible scenario. He didn’t want to tell me how he disliked it so he was avoiding me instead.

After some hours of paranoia I decided to call him and we might meet tomorrow.

But in any case, whether he likes what he sees or not, I might need to assume some part of my alter-native-ness, explain and communicate better what seems to be important.

And continue looking for people who would like to come and inhabit my Alter-Land 🙂

alternative teacher certification

http://www.teaching-certification.com/alternative-teaching-certification.html

April 7, 2015- Self Esteem and the smile of the Cheshire Cat

Oh dear April,

have you doubted about yourself? Saying maybe March is the first month of Spring, and then May brings the roses, etc, what am i doing in the middle? No recognition at all?

Never thought of it? So much the better…

Well today I was kind of obsessed with the idea of the evaluation of my last project. It will be sent to me in a … month.

I started thinking of the worst scenarios. Maybe it is bad. Maybe my enemies in Paris, no, France, have come together and decided my ideas are not at all interesting, original, comprehensible. A shame to all the illustrious artists ever breathed in France and abroad.

Maybe they found my project arrogant, shameless, a sort of blasphemy to … whatever should ever be respected!

How could I face this mountain of imaginary criticism?

Well, in the past, I have been traumatized with the idea that I am alone with my little flame.

A flame which has been judged for not being clear, beautiful, possible to communicate.

I have angered people because I disagreed and fired back. I have faced haters. And although it is not something that happens to me every day, the memory of it is enough to make me deadly scared.

After all, it is as if they were saying: “April you are not accepted as a member of the artistic community of Paris. Your work is not worthy enough for… this important funding, and you may not hold this important position at this xxx museum”.

I am saying: look here is what I do, it is just a little bit different, let me join in and play with you.

I am between the desire for a community that will encourage me and the need to be creative in an independent way.

There are different forms of evaluations here and there.

How do we learn from them without getting destroyed every time we go through the process?

Maybe when we see ourselves as something much bigger than the work we present.

Our work might be our “child”, but still, we can remodel it and create new ones, all of them lovely, some more wonderful than others!

So, dear evaluators, you might criticize or not accept my work, but I am so much more, and I can still smile to you with it like the cat of the Cheshire Cat in Alice’s wonderland!

Tennel Cheshire proof.png

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheshire_Cat