March 7, 2016- day 35 out of 60 day challenge-Comfort zone test

Dear March,

I am at the second half of my challenge to change myself and it seemed a good idea to take this test which measures my comfort zone. The questions concern adrenaline raising experiences but also relational, professional and other dimensions of our life. I scored 63,9 % .

If I break the score down, I take a lot of professional risks, moved to a new country, … but when it comes to more relational, like creating a family my score is less high, not to speak of adrenaline seeking experiences… diving, …I let you imagine.

So, should I challenge myself this way?

After all, the publication of my first book in France is already a challenge.

Couldn’t I concentrate on this? After all, this is my biggest heart’s desire.

How about relationships? Trying a long term relationship with someone in the same country or city? A friend of mine suggested I tried TINDER although I am not sure he is an exam

Or getting up early in the morning for a change?

I read in ELLE UK that Debbie Morgan, a columnist, took 30 day challenges for a whole year. It this an interesting tool?

Would you have any suggestions?

Résultats de recherche d'images pour « my comfort zone »

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jacob-morgan/why-getting-out-of-your-c_b_6660452.html

http://www.whatismycomfortzone.com/

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March 6, 2016: day 34 out of 60 day challenge- should we rely on our partner?

Hello March,

should we rely on our partners on certain questions or not? There used to be a model where women were to stay at home and raise the children; so men were to deal with the family income and they relied on women for everything else. Later, they both work, or both partners are unemployed. And they both take care of the children or … or… or…

Is it reasonable to rely on someone else for certain questions?

Or being an adult means that each person should look after their own needs at 100%?

And before you have a family, at the level of the couple: would you, if you were a woman, like a man to invite you to dinner? Or would you consider it “passé” and invite him? Or split?

http://www.mindful.org/the-perfect-love-we-seek-the-imperfect-love-we-live/

 

July 10,2015- Love and work

Here I am again July,

with another deadline to join an artistic team and plan something with them; I need to explain my vision and how it fits there in just a few hours… wish me luck!

I had a hard time to start this morning, my brain was not easy to get together, since last night I saw again someone I had been in love with in the past, and this was enough to disorganize me for a while. Questions arose: how come we couldn’t understand each other despite the attraction? Should we trust our instinct? And things like that.

But this is not the moment for a diatribe on love and relationships.

Nor questions like: do my colleagues like my work? Will those in power positions help me somehow?

I need to like what I do enough and have faith in it.

Believe there is something in my project that connects me to the rest of humanity … and this common and yet strange element will be my success recipe!

Recipe for Success

March 3- Challenge: a love from the past

Hello March,

what would you do in my place? If your first Parisian love, H, declared he has been thinking about you dearly for the last… years? Well, small detail, H is in a relationship and has a little boy. (If he is married? We are in Paris, dear, living with someone is almost as if…).

I personally, felt confused. He was my first Parisian crush. I was a small town girl, he was Parisian, with this “je ne sais quoi” air. But he seemed to be a “dom Juan” kind of person, changing relationships as fast as the traffic light changes from green to red. Mmm, yes, I had been one of these relationships. And then I left, it didn’t feel healthy. He was telling me he didn’t love me and was full of caprices. What do you mean so am I?

So now, H, who had been in Norway for his work, came back to Paris and contacted me. He seems to be very much in love with me. To cherish the moments we spent together a few years ago. And to be afraid of his attraction for me. Because I am such a “femme fatale”.

This is very flattering in a way, don’t you think?

But what if it were BS?

For example, may be he is nostalgic of his twenties and finding an ex-girlfriend of this period could make him feel good. Like a reunion in a way.

He hasn’t been a very faithful type of person in the past. He might just want to keep on with his relationship and have some distractions here and there. Why not declare his love?

He is bored with his life and tries to spice it up by confusing other people too.

He could even be sincere, but in the end, he seems to be pretty comfortable in his life style.

Because deep down I am a simple girl and think that a loving couple involves two people. And this is quiet enough.

Robert Doisneau - Le baiser de l'hotel de ville (Kiss by the Hotel de Ville © Robert Doisneau

http://www.filmsnotdead.com/2013/04/14/robert-doisneau-a-pioneer-of-photojournalism/

February 1rst- Welcome love-month ;-)

February welcome!

I should probably have waited before telling you this, but you somehow raise my expectations considering my love life. Saint Valentine’s day on the 14? Not that I  expect you to do everything, the way we wait for Santa-Clauss to bring the gifts while we sleep, but somehow, deep down, I might feel entitled for a miraculous intervention in that sector of my life.

Of course, I will do my part. I have almost accepted a party invitation for Valentine’s day. Almost, because it comes from an extravagant friend who usually has expensive plans and I want to stay on budget. Other options? I could have as an objective to date as many men as possible this month. But is quantity the only thing that matters? Of course not.

I can also be forgiving to this ex of mine who tries to contact me again. But not too forgiving as to let him get too close.

Or I could be open to the people I meet every day, change some of my habitual ways, cafés, the road I take to go to the Platform, or to any other place.

Or just relax, and listen to more love songs, smile and daydream. Or a combination of these ideas.

If I try to avoid questions on my professional goals? Not at all. I don’t know where you got this idea!

Here, isn’t this Edith Piaf’s love-song beautifully interpreted by Daniela?

 

January 26- Update on love and work

Dear January,

yes, I am ready for an update since the month of April 2014, the beginning of this blog. What were my objectives and what has happened?

The idea was to transform myself in order to reach important goals that can contribute -I think- to my happiness:

a. find true love (and be found by it).

b. get a real job that I love (meaning getting paid enough to live and …enjoy art, fashion, traveling, offering gifts, having a luxurious home, etc) (https://april4june6.wordpress.com/about/).

Now, if I want to be honest with myself, it would seem as if I haven’t accomplished my goals, at least not completely. But it is important to acknowledge the progress I have made:

A. In terms of true love, I found myself lovable, and try to live up to a true love of me, which is a way to love other people also.

Writing a blog, is a positive action, it has helped my emotions to unfold. So it weighs in the balance, on the side of true love, I would say.

I know you will tell me, come on, April, be more specific: are you on a relationship with another human being, a man right now? Mmm, not exactly. I have dated someone though during this period of time.

I still have an imaginary crush on B, the guy I occasionally meet at the café. But our romance -which could be one-sided- has not advanced more than the occasional greeting kiss on the cheek (la “bise”). And we have been in the presence of a whole bunch of people.

Being in love is essential to me. B is a source of inspiration, but it could be interesting to have more interaction or to choose another romantic interest. Varying a bit the cafés I go to, might be helpful 🙂

B. In terms of work, I decided two things:

a. to be my own Boss. This was a big decision, and I feel proud for taking it. I have a new artistic project I am attached to, and I want to see it materialize.

b. my second decision is to do everything it takes for a position I have in mind, in the artistic world. It combines a lot of things I really like.

Ok, I have to admit that during this period I kind of got “fired” by the wannabe boss. Kind of, because he wasn’t paying me anyway.

The projects I had submitted for funding last April and passed the first evaluation in June, was not accepted in the end. Actually, it would involve leaving Paris, so, I might not have wanted this to happen in reality.

My spirits were occasionally low and that was the period I was daydreaming instead of answering emails or writing a report. It is communicating what I have done, emailing, that I am not very eager to do. But, I don’t come up as very professional and efficient that way, despite the good work that has been done.

So have I transformed? I am in a process of transformation.

Have I reached my goals? I have reached intermediate, but very important goals. I am on the way of accomplishing these goals and I keep walking!

In the end, I think that walking in the direction of a goal, or a dream, not only transforms me, but also my dream.

NYE

http://bpar.org/new-years-resolutions/

December 13- Preparation: for love, Christmas, …

Dear December,

preparing for Christmas is quiet a thing… and preparing for love?

If we go to a party, we usually prepare: our hair, clothes, …

If we invite friends to our place, we prepare something, (at least the table if we order!)

If we have a job interview or important professional meeting, also.

There is Advent to prepare for Christmas.

So why would love be different?

I am sleepy, so I will get to the essentials, after a quick search:

a.  Re-Learn Yourself: love oneself

b Get rid of all the dirty laundry (aka exes) that is no longer serving you. 

c. Create a life you adore

c Open to the mystery of life

What does it mean? Oh, you are asking too many questions December! I told you I had a long day. I can refer to an article, and will get back to it … tomorrow 🙂

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alexis-meads/11-steps-to-prepare-yourself-for-really-awesome-love_b_5787262.html#slide=start

Cuddle up: Pottery Barn's advent calendar pillowcase ($59) doubles up as a form of festive decor 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2844772/Who-needs-chocolate-panties-dog-treats-FEMAIL-reveals-unique-advent-calendars-help-count-Christmas-style.html

 

June 16- the power of love

Dear June,

It is so great to feel part of a network of emotions, ideas, relationships, that unite us with the whole planet but also with the universe!

How do we get trapped into our everyday reality and forget it?

When we travel, love, change perspective, we are more aware.

When we talk about our everyday questions, and they become huge, we forget. We forget how great we are!

A routine is very important, like a constant theme in music that allows improvisation. But when our routine replaces reality in our thinking, it is dangerous. We become this routine. And we get imprisoned in it.

I have been drilling on the same questions for a while now. I have been thinking of B, C, or D. I have been examining my “persona”, the way my behavior could be interpreted by this or that individual. As if there was a “right” behavior, and if I don’t have it I loose in the game of love.

And I now realize that love couldn’t be like a cooking recipe. Where you put the ingredients and expect it to have the same taste.

Why do I get fixated in B for example? I am sure he is wonderful, but if he is for me and I for him, things will unfold smoothly.

It could be that it is something of importance to me that I project in him, something I think I don’t have already. And I unconsciously believe that B is going to get it for me and make me happy and whole.

Is this true? Yes and No.

Yes, because a loving relationship is more than one person.

And No, because it is the relationship that is magical, not the specific characteristics of this or that individual.

Then when is the timing perfect for a “meeting”? When do we get attracted by a relationship and not by someone’s attributes?

Probably when we don’t need to ask the question.

 

 

 

 

May 31- monthly update for success

Dear sweet May,

this is your last day, and I realize I need to face your questions:

Have you achieved your goals?

Is there any progress in your love life and work this month?

Yes, I think there is, but I know the deadline I have set is approaching.

When it comes to work, I have just sent another job application and the organization of the summer event is going smoothly. Different artists I like have confirmed their presence.  I have also continued activities I had engaged myself to, doing what was humanly possible. Almost.

Could have I sent more job or funding applications? Submitted again my manuscripts? Yes. And I admit having felt discouraged here and there because of a negative answer in one of my requests on May 10. My mentor to be, declined participation in one of my projects. That slowed me down. I haven’t answered some emails and I procrastinated.

I am not very effective under pressure. I need a psychological break from worrying to look for things I love. I am not sure though if this is a good long-term strategy.

What I need is to learn how to keep my morale high, no matter what. After all, as a whole, things are going well. Especially in comparison to other people in my field. I need to be self-confident, have more faith.

Hmm, when it comes to my love life, I am slowly engaging in a process of self-disclosure. Accepting my vulnerability . How is it possible to get close to someone wearing a mask? Because, it is not a question of whether X is willing or not to go out with me. It is a question of what I intend to do when this will happen.

Am I ready to meet him, or do I prefer the safety of my hiding place?

And before I forget, dear May, writing a post a day, helped me realize I am having a good time, friends I like to spent time with, and romantic objects to fall in love with.

I am grateful for that.

La pivoine

http://blog.interflora.fr/encyclopedie-des-fleurs/fiches-fleurs/pivoine/

strawberry mojito: relationships and self-transformation

Dear May,

today I celebrated the job I am to be offered with a strawberry mojito. Which one? I don’t know yet.It will materialize soon. I need to stay positive to mobilize the necessary energy for all my projects :-).

Before, I had visited an exhibition of a Platform artist, where I met several colleagues, artists, organizers etc. We also had a meeting around my summer event. One of the themes of this event will be “love”. We discussed different aspects and ways to materialize it. It was an intense day so it was great to end it with a friendly chat. In a way, we continued on the same topic:

Love and relationships.

One of my friends who is single, said she can’t see anyone she likes lately. After observing a few passers by, we asked her to rate them in order to understand her taste. She finally ended up admiting that two men were attractive for her. This is great, considering that we spent an hour on the spot. The other one, in a relationship, is dating a guy she loves, but he has an intrusive mother. She doesn’t approve of her for her son and has taken the trouble to tell him.

Liking someone, loving a person who loves us back, is the first step. But then, he comes with a network of relationships with other people, part of his previous life. Could be his mother, his son, his friends, colleagues from work, sister, neighbour, client, boss, dog.

A relationship is a form of reconstruction of oneself and of the other. Of our past networks and relationships. Of someone’s time. Habits. And some of our former relationships might not like that.

It is a big change.

And change is great, but also uncomfortable.

Am I ready for it, or am I satisfied to imagine what it would be like?

http://www.recettes-mojito.fr/2012/05/recette-du-mojito-la-fraise.html