Hello March,
do you months sleep or not?
for the last three nights I have been staying late working, emailing, writing, until about 4.00 in the morning. No, don’t come start a conversation when I wake up, it might be impossible to get something intelligible out of me.
Did you know that intelligent people are supposed to sleep late? What do you mean this is not proof enough?
Ok, let’s talk about something else. Actually, I fulfilled the last step for the professional challenge of March 13. It was the difficult part where I had to contact people of some influence in the world of art and ask for their help. Somehow, I would rather hide, invisible, and expect/fear to be discovered some day.
To get myself on the spot, knock on doors and defend my creation is not exactly my cup of tea. So I postponed it as much as possible. Self-sabotage? Where did you hear about this?
My work was not ready enough, or this is what I told myself until the last-minute. It was as if I prepared for the scenario: here is my work, could you help me and say something in my favor? Oh, yes, it is the last-minute. I see, you are so busy, you don’t even have time to take a look at the future event proposal. I understand, I should have told you before.
With this scenario, I don’t get completely brushed of: the person in question, just doesn’t have the time to take a look. It isn’t as if he/she said he doesn’t like what I do. So, I don’t get a result, but I neither get a negative feedback.
It is as if you almost ask someone out. You tell them at the last, very last-minute. Would you go out for a drink at 19.00? And it is already 18.45. If the person invited says no, you can’t attribute it directly to the fact that he doesn’t want to. It is understandable to have another project. So a doubt persists. An ambiguity. Maybe B likes me after all. Maybe not. Maybe. It could be better than no, but some times, it could be worse.
Despite my resistance, I fullfilled the third step of my professional challenge.
And despite some self-sabotage, I managed to get together some support and present myself to people I didn’t know. (I had a glass of wine before for this last one, but I don’t see it as a permanent solution).
Will it work?
It is important that I have asked. And in this way, there might be a result. For this step.
In any case, I feel that my work has evolved since last time I tried in this direction 🙂
http://lingkulanko.com/using-vision-board-to-manifest-your-goals/
april4june6: A journal of self-tranformation 