June 4, 2015- The Istanbul project

Dear June,

have I mentioned that I promised to organize a mini artistic event in Istanbul by the end of the month? I had invited some artists, but there is a risk that the wannabe boss might not pay for their expenses. He promised to do it as a “bonus” to me, if I leave “quietly”, without protesting complaining.

Why?

Maybe because I am more powerful than I think.

On the other hand, I had a really hard time to reimburse my artists last year for the event in the South of France. What do you mean if there is any written evidence of the promise. No, there isn’t any.

And yes, I could have been more organized and asked instead of avoiding the question for the last two months. But I felt overwhelmed with other issues and it was too much to add this one.

On the other hand, I really want to go to Istanbul, a mythical city. And somehow, deep down, I feel that I am going to make it.

The other thing I need to keep in mind is that this is a good time to look for jobs and this is more urgent.

Istanbul is a great project, it blows my mind but it is like a firework, and I need some steady fire to warm my home and cook dinner.

Maybe both from time to time 🙂

http://www.expedia.fr/Istanbul.d178267.Reservation-Sejours-Voyages

March 13- Mission of the day accomplished :-)

Hello March,

do you months sleep or not?

for the last three nights I have been staying late working, emailing, writing, until about 4.00 in the morning. No, don’t come start a conversation when I wake up, it might be impossible to get something intelligible out of me.

Did you know that intelligent people are supposed to sleep late? What do you mean this is not proof enough?

Ok, let’s talk about something else. Actually, I fulfilled the last step for the professional challenge of March 13. It was the difficult part where I had to contact people of some influence in the world of art and ask for their help. Somehow, I would rather hide, invisible, and expect/fear to be discovered some day.

To get myself on the spot, knock on doors and defend my creation is not exactly my cup of tea. So I postponed it as much as possible. Self-sabotage? Where did you hear about this?

My work was not ready enough, or this is what I told myself until the last-minute. It was as if I prepared for the scenario: here is my work, could you help me and say something in my favor? Oh, yes, it is the last-minute. I see, you are so busy, you don’t even have time to take a look at the future event proposal. I understand, I should have told you before.

With this scenario, I don’t get completely brushed of: the person in question, just doesn’t have the time to take a look. It isn’t as if he/she said he doesn’t like what I do. So, I don’t get a result, but I neither get a negative feedback.

It is as if you almost ask someone out. You tell them at the last, very last-minute. Would you go out for a drink at 19.00? And it is already 18.45. If the person invited says no, you can’t attribute it directly to the fact that he doesn’t want to. It is understandable to have another project. So a doubt persists. An ambiguity. Maybe B likes me after all. Maybe not. Maybe. It could be better than no, but some times, it could be worse.

Despite my resistance, I fullfilled the third step of my professional challenge.

And despite some self-sabotage, I managed to get together some support and present myself to people I didn’t know. (I had a glass of wine before for this last one, but I don’t see it as a permanent solution).

Will it work?

It is important that I have asked. And in this way, there might be a result. For this step.

In any case, I feel that my work has evolved since last time I tried in this direction 🙂

http://lingkulanko.com/using-vision-board-to-manifest-your-goals/

June 11- Another dilemma

Hello June,

there was another dilemma to solve: I had booked a space for two representations of a theatrical group, the first tomorrow and the other next Thursday, but they told me they were unable to perform. I don’t want to get into the details, but let’s say that I learnt about it ten days ago.

My intention was to find an alternative scheme and not to have to cancel the reservation. It was a difficult decision considering the Platform’s wannabe boss who might be looking for an excuse to throw me out; if I canceled at the last minute, my credibility could be affected.

But I didn’t react as quickly and as effectively as I should have. And I didn’t find an alternative plan to replace the theatrical group. So, that left me with the obligation to cancel the events at the last minute. Ok, this can happen. An artist might get sick, etc, but deep down it didn’t look very responsible on my side. And I didn’t like that.

I procrastinated as much as I could. It is kind of hard to take responsibility and say you are sorry. At about 18.00 I was out for coffee trying to enjoy the sunshine. In reality I had to act! I called a friend to get some advice. Go ahead and email everybody! She told me.

I did. I was kind of worrying about lots of things: are people going to trust me again? How about the Platform bosses?