Yes, I spent the first part of the day dealing with practical questions: organization of the South of France event, but also of my household: supermarket, cleaning up a little bit. This is the advantage of being a free-lance, you can dispose of your time as you want. But that is very tricky, because you might do a lot, or not.
Looking at passers-by at the café, is also a way to do something important. If it is an active attention, a creative posture.
Anyway, during the second part of the day I adopted this creative introspection. I kept thinking about the “image” I project to men. Yesterday, a colleague made me think with what she said: that I could give the impression of an “amazon” ready for a battle- I wondered if this is how I feel “inside”.
I asked an older man, in his 60s, he also had a similar impression. But he said that for him, this was only a mask. Because an amazon is taking what she wants, and I am waiting for the man to do something. And if I attract men who expect me to act, in an amazon way, things don’t go very far. At least I think this was his point.
T, the friend who was visiting last weekend, told me he could associate me to goddess Diana.
What do I make of this? Hmm, in a way I want people I am dealing with, to treat me with respect. Sometimes they are older and more “powerful” in terms of social position. And I like to be treated as an equal.
When it comes to my love life, I am grateful to attract potential partners. But not those I would like to engage into a serious relationship with. At least in the past, they were not what you may call a “soul mate”.
Is there a sort of harmony, between the person that I feel I am and the persona I project in my everyday interactions?
Partly yes, probably.
We have so many dimensions, and we engage in different sort of relationships with people.
But if I am defensive in my love life, I need to change.
I need to open my heart in order to meet another person in a deeper level.