December 16, 2015- Keep your eyes open in love!

Dear December,

Christmas is approaching and what is the best time to prepare for a great Love than to take care of my inner child and heal some wounds that lie under the surface?

As the days become smaller in the Northern hemisphere and we prepare for the end of the year, some introspection is all I need for the letter to Santa Claus.

Yes, and according to something I read, in order to love intelligently I need to keep my eyes open: to see the other person, and to see myself. Wishes could be a perfect fog hiding what is best: life!

High Definition Amusing Photo Of Christmas Lights Snow Religious Christmas Christianity

November 12- Friends talking on relationships again

Dear November,

don’t get me wrong, but I was a bit annoyed today after listening to a friend’s councils on my love life.

We went out for a drink and after some questions and answers I mentioned my most recent romantic adventures. And the two last times I have fallen in love. With B, the guy of the café with whom I was flirting in May, and K, the mysterious guy I met during my holidays at the South of France, this summer.

Especially for this one, I felt something very strong, it was as if we knew each other all our lives, and everything you are supposed to feel when you are in love. And what happened? Just a goodby kiss and I was left feeling up the rest with my imagination. Because he is in a relationship.

I know I have no reason to expect anything, but there are some feelings lingering.

My friend analyzed these situations and the result was that I get it wrong, either on the way I behave or because I appear too assertive and powerful women and scare men away.

My friend meant well, she also talking about herself as a powerful woman.

But this result and analysis didn’t feel right. It was as if I was thrust into a category, classified into a box, from where you don’t know how to escape.

I am sure I am afraid of relationships myself, and can have sabotaging behaviors, but I feel that with the time I am taking more risks.

And yes, I believe that we change and even if there are patterns in our way to connect, we are the authors of our lives and we can mould it into something different 🙂

friends-advice

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2014/10/the-3-times-your-friends-are-a

August 13- Love, friendship and what is in between (2)

Dear August,

As I rest for a few days at my parent’s home, between boredom, pleasure to see my family and high temperatures, I reflect on my recent experiences and try to make some sense. Alexandre, my 3 year and a half old godson, is a great source of inspiration.

Alexander met his recent love at the beach. It was a love at first sight and they became close in an instant. Despite his friend’s efforts to drown him and sand thrown in his eyes, nothing altered his feelings.

How long is this love going to last? Until he goes back home from holidays?

Do we fall in love that easily as we grow up? And when we do, when we keep this instinctive reaction can we trust our heart?

I have recently met a man with whom I have become great friends. Almost as easily as Alexandre did. It was during his holidays, and now he is back home. We talked for hours and hours. Is this a summer love, a friendship or something more?

The feeling of “meeting” someone, is so great! We find out that we share a common interest, something of value to both. If I love ice cream, and this person is an ice-cream flavor creator, it follows that I feel delighted to get to know him.Then we see that communication is easy.

If the meeting is brief, we don’t have the time to bother about our differences. When Alexander’s friend did something he didn’t like much, he decided to respond in the same way, but this was part of the game, and didn’t change at all his feelings. What do we do as grown ups regarding our differences?

Do we manage to create relationships after the first enthusiasm? Can feelings of love and friendship outlast our holidays?

August 12- Love, friendship, and what is in between

Hello August,

I just watched the film “Date Night”, with Tina Fey and Steve Carell; it was released in 2010 but I could never make myself watch it even though I like comedies. The story of a married couple who tries to find again the spark that united them is not a story I can identify with easily. Not at this time of my life.

But now that I watched it, I see I was wrong. I enjoyed the rhythm, the actors, and found it quiet refreshing.

I have a lot of friends at different points of their relationships. Married, divorced, in love with someone who is or is not responding, with young and restless children; in couples that have transformed into friendships; or single in flirting friendships who don’t know how to qualify the relationship they have with another person.

A new friend I have made gave me an interesting definition of a loving relationship: he told me it can be very demanding because the other person is constantly in your mind; there is a kind of fusion, when it comes to feelings, but also thoughts.

Is love a fusion? A melting pot? Until the fire ceases and then you become a roommate? I have been madly in love, but before getting to know someone closely. When this happened, I was loosing interest.

Up to now, I haven’t experienced what my friend described.

Is this the only way to love?

Love, the way I understand it would involve growth for both people.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Night

Date night poster.jpg

June 13- Soulmates

Dear June,

Yes, I spent the first part of the day dealing with practical questions: organization of the South of France event, but also of my household: supermarket, cleaning up a little bit. This is the advantage of being a free-lance, you can dispose of your time as you want. But that is very tricky, because you might do a lot, or not.

Looking at passers-by at the café, is also a way to do something important. If it is an active attention, a creative posture.

Anyway, during the second part of the day I adopted this creative introspection. I kept thinking about the “image” I project to men. Yesterday, a colleague made me think with what she said: that I could give the impression of an “amazon” ready for a battle- I wondered if this is how I feel “inside”.

I asked an older man, in his 60s, he also had a similar impression. But he said that for him, this was only a mask. Because an amazon is taking what she wants, and I am waiting for the man to do something. And if I attract men who expect me to act, in an amazon way, things don’t go very far. At least I think this was his point.

T, the friend who was visiting last weekend, told me he could associate me to goddess Diana.

What do I make of this? Hmm, in a way I want people I am dealing with, to treat me with respect. Sometimes they are older and more “powerful” in terms of social position. And I like to be treated as an equal.

When it comes to my love life, I am grateful to attract potential partners. But not those I would like to engage into a serious relationship with. At least in the past, they were not what you may call a “soul mate”.

Is there a sort of harmony, between the person that I feel I am and the persona I project in my everyday interactions?

Partly yes, probably.

We have so many dimensions, and we engage in different sort of relationships with people.

But if I am defensive in my love life, I need to change.

I need to open my heart in order to meet another person in a deeper level.

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-He-Is-Your-Soulmate

Know if He Is Your Soulmate Step 1.jpg

 

 

June 4 – Love stories

Dear June,

I was to start with a renewed energy for work, and indeed, I did some important things, but let’s admit that I was kind of slow. Maybe I needed it.

I went to the Platform, the network of artists and producers I am connected to, where I met several semi-collegues. During the coffee break, I had some exchanges on a different topic: love. What makes a love story great?

Duration? Intensity of feeling? Passion? Dedication? Sexe? Intimacy? Sharing? All of them? Something impossible to grasp?

The first story was that a friend shared, was about a love story of the airplane; not a “one night stand”, but a “one trip love”. A person is sitting next to you. He doesn’t even have the looks you like. And then, in the economy class where you are really close to others, you fall asleep. And you lean on this person. And he doesn’t take his arm away. Somehow it feels reassuring. And then you open your eyes; and close them again, keep leaning, and the arm is still there until you arrive in your destination.

This, for my friend, is the definition of a perfect love story. She didn’t even try to exchange contact information with the stranger. A reassuring presence with a physical aspect. She probably didn’t want to admit to herself and to him how much this meant to her. Show her vulnerability.

I have a between fantasy and reality romance. And I decided I want to be brave and show my vulnerability and feelings, gradually. It is a risk. Not to be rejected, this sometimes is even a relief. Not to be hurt. I have been hurt. Or to loose the fantastic “in love” feeling, where I fly on the top of the buildings as if I have taken some form of drug. There is the risk of being loved back and a risk of changing my life!

The risk of falling into the kind of person that makes me feel great! What happens then? I would need to ask people in loving and enduring relationships to explain.

I have heard cases of falling out of love stories, but the question is:

What is the ingredient that maintains the in-love feeling ? That creates the best love-story?

Could it be compared to something nourishing a flame so that it keeps burning?

Would you have any suggestions?

]http://eswalls.com/love-wallpaper-backgrounds-2/

Love Wallpaper Backgrounds Wallpaper

 

 

May 18- Rue de Buci: love, fantasy and reality

Dear sunny May,

this is the second post I write for the day. I have accidentally erased the first one before having the time to save it. There is no accident of course : I was a bit troubled by the topic, which is love.

I spent the biggest part of the day, Rue de Buci, between café, and aperitif. I met some friends, and talked among other things, about relationships. Is X more than a friend? Is Y manifesting romantic interest?

I received an sms from B, my favorite café guy, saying he is completely absorbed by his work and his son -as a divorced father- he hardly has time for anything else, which is me, and he is sorry. Our casual meeting at the café is almost his only fun time.

I know parents of young children are extremely busy and B is doing a demanding job.

But, if he wanted to, he could have made some time for a drink!

This is going in the direction of what an Italian friend had told me: if a guy wants something, he will act. Turn the page April!

Of course, I would have liked him to say instead: “I am sooo busy, but I always make time for you, April”!

I have not answered yet. I will continue going to the same café when I feel like it and I still like B. Too bad I will not get to know him for real.

Between the fantasy of love and reality, I prefer reality, with a fantastic guy!

http://www.tripadvisor.fr/LocationPhotoDirectLink-g187147-d545892-i78663543-Marche_rue_de_Buci-Paris_Ile_de_France.html#78663543

Rue de Buci Paris

April 22- a love from the past

Hello April,

how did I do today? I have declined a proposal to go out for a drink in order to work on my CV as a serious and conscientious adult.

I admit that the first part of the day found me struggling against laziness, in my favorite café, despite the urgency of the approaching deadline. I even had the time to listen to the conversation of two men who had a business meeting on real estate and bank loans.

My CV needs to tell a story that is well written and easy to understand. Luckily, a friend will help me with the form. But still, I need to update it and translate part of it in English. And, yes, my spelling is not as perfect as I would have liked it to be.

When my summer event associate and old friend S, joined me, the café owner wondered if I was planning to move there on a permanent basis. S was worrying that he couldn’t find accommodation for our artists, since it is the South of France, and our event takes place during the tourist season.

I thought of my acquaintances who know the whereabouts, and X, a man I had been in love with in the past, crossed my mind. I called him on the spot. I had dated him two summers ago, and had a crush on him, until I found he was “comforting” the widow of a friend for her loss.

I was disgusted when he confessed and decided not to speak to him again.

Was the summer event an excuse to see how he is doing? Maybe. I am not angry any more, although I don’t see any other possible relationship with this person than hotel contact information, and rooms to let.

Still, I felt something while I was on the phone. I was happy to talk to him. Because I like him after all. He is part of a group of friends, and although there are a lot of reasons I don’t want to have him around – negative view about life, egotistic, unfaithful- there are also things I love: his artistic side, imaginative, creative.

I wish you well X. I just need someone who is brave enough for love.

Oh, and thank you for the contacts

April 11- Pink Champaign

Dear April,

today’s post is like the Champaign that a friend greeted us with at the dinner party I went: pink. And the conversation that followed, took the form of its bubbles:

Love, passion, family, relationships, work. Relationship between parents and children. Between couples. Between future couples. Dating. Almost dating. Traveling, what have we left behind?

Friendship is a way to create an extended self, to share and reflect on our own experience.

Do we learn things on intimate relationships from conversations with friends? For years I thought no. Because I had friends without much experience from (love) life, like me, and our analysis was not of much use.

And now?

Now I take more risks. And my friends have more and more varied experiences.

Now I write a blog 🙂

And what of the rest of the day?

I managed to fix a meeting with an art director, in two weeks. It is another step in the direction of the job of my dreams. I don’t know how many steps there are, but I am moving.

The day left a nice flavour.