December 2- Questions for Santa Claus

Dear December,

I have started my letter to Santa Claus, and it seemed that I have only one wish, but this is not true. I just didn’t want to shock you with its length. For example, if I want a Prince just for me, should I think about characteristics? Blond, red or dark-haired? With a lot of hair in his body or not? Ok I have given up comparisons with tablets.

Taller than I, my size, shorter, big or small ears? Talented in something I appreciate? For example would I like him to be a great writer or would that make me feel anxious about my own talent? Doing something completely different, such as watching football? Eating the same kind of food?

Is Santa supposed to bother with all these details?

Being complementary.

 

After all, Princes are recognized by their generosity, good heart, a form of intelligence (any form?). Aren’t they?

Anyway, I don’t know what are the ingredients, but it seems that we should feel great together. Not for just an hour or two. Every time we meet? Most of the time? Appreciating each-other the way we grow. Separately and together.

So:

1. I want to have a good time and fun with this Prince

2. We are complementary in the sense that together we become a better team than each of us separate

3. We like each other for now, and for the way we will grow together and separately

4. We have dreams and faith in the good in this world

Before I sent my letter to Santa I would like you to give me a feedback, December.

Just to make sure I put down everything I desire and everything that will answer someone else’s desire.

Letter to Santa - FREE printable by Events To Celebrate!

http://eventstocelebrate.net/2013/11/letter-to-santa-free-printable/

The link where I found this letter format!

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May 19-love, fantasy and reality (2)

Hello May,

how was your first day of the week? I don’t know if you see the difference between weekends and the other days, but for many humans there is a change of rhythm.

My personal rhythm was accelerating and then slowing down, depending on the activity I was doing. There was also a repetition of a music theme: very often, I was going back to thoughts on love fantasies and whether I should get out of my last one.

I reread B’s sms. B is the guy who interests me. He sent me a sms yesterday, where he told me he doesn’t have time for me at the moment, between his job and his son. Should I forget all about him and even change café? Should I instead, try to understand? After all, we hardly know each other. It is not as if we were engaged in a relationship. He was also asking me how I was doing. Should I answer that?

I had lunch with a good friend who was having similar questions. She is in love, and was complaining about the sms culture in relationships. She needs to communicate with her partner, and writing a sms seems a very limited way to do so. Not enough to fight, to explain, to reconcile.

Or is this an advantage? Limited space is after all what we need to condense our feelings and learn to cut to the chase.

So I sent B a sms. I said I understand, and I am happy to run into him in our usual café. I told him I like his group of friends, the way he is mixing up people of different origins. Because it is the true.

I felt better after that. More free. Time and space are important. Rhythm also. But isn’t it more important the way we use them?

Speaking of rhythm, there is a wonderful Jazz Festival in the area of Saint Germain, ending on May 25, I hope I will make it to one of the concerts.

(http://paris-ile-de-france.france3.fr/2014/04/24/festival-jazz-saint-germain-des-pres-paris-465423.html)

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May 18- Rue de Buci: love, fantasy and reality

Dear sunny May,

this is the second post I write for the day. I have accidentally erased the first one before having the time to save it. There is no accident of course : I was a bit troubled by the topic, which is love.

I spent the biggest part of the day, Rue de Buci, between café, and aperitif. I met some friends, and talked among other things, about relationships. Is X more than a friend? Is Y manifesting romantic interest?

I received an sms from B, my favorite café guy, saying he is completely absorbed by his work and his son -as a divorced father- he hardly has time for anything else, which is me, and he is sorry. Our casual meeting at the café is almost his only fun time.

I know parents of young children are extremely busy and B is doing a demanding job.

But, if he wanted to, he could have made some time for a drink!

This is going in the direction of what an Italian friend had told me: if a guy wants something, he will act. Turn the page April!

Of course, I would have liked him to say instead: “I am sooo busy, but I always make time for you, April”!

I have not answered yet. I will continue going to the same café when I feel like it and I still like B. Too bad I will not get to know him for real.

Between the fantasy of love and reality, I prefer reality, with a fantastic guy!

http://www.tripadvisor.fr/LocationPhotoDirectLink-g187147-d545892-i78663543-Marche_rue_de_Buci-Paris_Ile_de_France.html#78663543

Rue de Buci Paris

May 3- the awakening

Dear May,

Am I doing well? You are reputed for beautiful flowers, so I am going to use the example of this optical illusion to make my point. Is the orange circle bigger in the first or the second flower? I would say the second is bigger, although I know, it is illustrating an illusion. The orange circles are similar.

It is a question of perspective.  This is why comparison is important. But we need to have different reference points to make useful comparisons.

For example, that is why standing close to different kind of people is so important. With a shorter person, I feel taller. With a group of taller people, I am short.

Other people can be important as reference points, but we need to avoid comparisons similar to optical illusions.

For example, when I compare with X I can see myself as clairvoyant: this person seems unable to acknowledge how lucky she is in her job because of her lack of appropriate reference points. She is offered a position that is an advancement in time of crisis. She is progressing compared to her colleagues. But instead, she is unhappy, comparing with what used to be the job market 10 years ago.

But then, maybe I am having the same attitude in another area of my life. I don’t recognize how lucky I am with my friends or this person interested in me. Because my reference points are not very developed and I am lost in some kind of illusion.  I might look for someone who resembles my ideal of the time I were an adolescent. As if  I have not updated my ideal profile 🙂

That is what I realized after having two discussions on life, work and love, this Saturday in Paris, in different cafés. In the first café, I was reflecting on the behavior of another friend. In the second, I realized I am having a similar attitude to the one I was disapproving of.

In a way, I am victim of an illusion.

That is why friends and different reference points are so important.

To reveal illusions.

 

https://i0.wp.com/photos.tuxboard.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Illusion-Optique-point-orange-plus-grand-ou-plus-petit-illusion-Ebbinghaus.jpg

April 28- Ruby Sparks

Dear April,

You want to know if I am advancing in my search for true love?

I haven’t been dating in my hometown, not exactly.

Talking to friends or watching a film, doesn’t qualify.

To begin with, what is true love?

The day ended with the film “Ruby Sparks”, written by Zoe Kazan, who personifies the role of Ruby.

To make a long story short, a young writer who has published a bestseller as an adolescent, is alone and lonely. He starts writing about his ideal woman who somehow comes into life and appears in his apartment out of the blue. She becomes his girlfriend.

Ruby, that is her name, meets his brother and rest of the family. She has become part of his reality. But this is not enough to make him happy; the ideal woman is ready to leave him. As he tries to stop her, he reveals his secret: that he is her “creator”, almost a god, and can make her do whatever he likes.

After a violent confrontation, Ruby leaves him. The writer decides to write the end of his book in a way that emancipates or “frees” his character and gives her the right to exist independently of him.

When he decides to write a book about his relationship with the woman of his dreams, his creation, it becomes a successful book. And he gets to meet a girl who looks like the “Ruby” of his dream relationship.

The line between fiction and reality is sometimes difficult to draw.

The kind of issues raised by the film is dear to my heart: I am writing, and it has happened to me to create an ideal man. Last year, I have fallen in love with someone who was making me think of this character.

But don’t we all, at some point, want to “transform” a little bit, a person we love or like, to match our “ideal”? Isn’t a list of desired attributes a way to control and frame the existence of another, so that it is impossible to hurt us?

The thing is, if it is impossible to hurt us, maybe we get bored and walk out of this “perfect” person.

Freedom is so important! A friend has told me that love is not to melt in one another, but to become emerged by the other without losing our unique qualities.

Our potential to become!

Writing, fiction, forms of creation are ways to stretch our own, but also other people’s identity; to propose a platform where we can meet.