yes I know: this is not a serious title for a blog that is dedicated to personal development. There is something of a disorder about it. What is the dentist’s role for example? Well, the dentist is what pushed me to shopping.
Please, be understanding! One of the nicest months of the year in terms of temperature, you can only be good-humored. I had a dentist emergency and I went to his cabinet early in the morning. But he wasn’t there. And his assistant told me she would contact me for the afternoon. This dentist gives you an appointment for the next month, so if you have an emergency you’d better stay close and try your best to be taken seriously. She finally managed to find me a place in the afternoon.
But there was no time to go in the direction of the Platform. And I needed something to lift my spirits. I spent the next three hours looking for certain items that were absolutely necessary for my summer wardrobe. And not only. Like a pair of jeans for example. I am not shopping a lot, not because I don’t want to. A question of budget. But discipline is not easy, I love fashion and living in Paris is full of temptations.
The last part of the day involved a farewell meeting with my friend who is visiting and his group of colleagues. We met quiet late, and that meant that we stayed until the last bars were closing. At 2.30 they were considering another round. I felt at ease with everybody, although I met most of them for the first time.
I realize I have a lot of friends on transit, and although this is a way for me to travel without buying a ticket, it is also good to open up to those a little bit closer. With far away friends I feel more secure. Like the case of the passenger next to you on the plane, to whom you tell the story of your life. And then you go your separate ways. Without worrying if what you just said is going to be used against you.
But defending oneself against potential dangers also keeps away some great things.
In the film “Confessions of a shopaholic”, the heroine is creating an imaginary life to protect herself from hardships. But this finally gets in the way of intimacy and relationships. The solution is to find a creative way to accept reality: by transforming it!
My working plan was a bit shaken today since two of my invited artists cannot make it for the date they were supposed to be present. I will find a solution tomorrow.
But I have a piece of information for you, if you want to go on a date in Paris. A restaurant with a romantic air about it: Monteverdi, in the Saint-Germain area, where I often go. It is very cosy, and I stopped to check it as I was walking by: I pictured myself there, exchanging passionate looks with the object of my affection while I am sipping red wine.
Is the cooking good? I haven’t tasted it yet. It is kind of expensive and I don’t know if this is the best Italian restaurant. But such a great scenery for the play I have in mind!
The romantic scene where we have just discovered that even if we seemed to have come from a different background, we share something, very deep. The taste of the pasta can go unnoticed. Or almost. Emotions don’t need words. The sound of the piano is enough.
Is daydreaming a way to escape reality or to shape it? After all, we need to know what we want, in order to recognize it when we see it.
Do I have more chances to go on a date with B at a restaurant like Monteverdi, or to a playground with his little kid? For some reason, the second scenario is more realistic to me.
Do I mind? Not really. The most important ingredient, is love, and to share important things in each-other’s life. It could be members of their family, a hobby, a taste in food, travelling, watching a dvd, whatever.
When feelings are present, any place becomes enchanting.
What would it be like to live in the time of the dinosaurs?
For the little girl siting next to me at the local café, it would have been great, since she preferred to live in this period. This is what I would have liked, she stated. Her mother was more pragmatic. There were not many things around at the time, she responded, you might have been bored.
This is an important question to start the day with. Are we having more fun now than we would eventually have if we were running around hunting, pray to the elements of nature and to the occasional Tyrannosaurus?
We have more security. In a way. Internet. Mobile phones. If I see a Tyrannosaurus approaching I can call my friends to the rescue, and send them a mms with the exact size of the beast and its location. We run less, which is good and bad at the same time. We have the illusion that we can make it by ourselves. At the era of the dinosaurs we would have to collaborate more.
How about our love life? Would it have been easier?
There might be less time for dating rituals. Life was shorter and people would have to cut to the chase. No doubting, no questioning. No, “does he/she really like me or is he/she just a friend?” No “I feel injured from my last relationship, I am not yet ready for a new one”. No, “is this only physical or is it love?”Yes, or No. And some fighting in case there was competition or difference of opinion. Women were probably as great warriors and hunters as men.
That is how I imagine love at the era of the dinosaurs.
how was your first day of the week? I don’t know if you see the difference between weekends and the other days, but for many humans there is a change of rhythm.
My personal rhythm was accelerating and then slowing down, depending on the activity I was doing. There was also a repetition of a music theme: very often, I was going back to thoughts on love fantasies and whether I should get out of my last one.
I reread B’s sms. B is the guy who interests me. He sent me a sms yesterday, where he told me he doesn’t have time for me at the moment, between his job and his son. Should I forget all about him and even change café? Should I instead, try to understand? After all, we hardly know each other. It is not as if we were engaged in a relationship. He was also asking me how I was doing. Should I answer that?
I had lunch with a good friend who was having similar questions. She is in love, and was complaining about the sms culture in relationships. She needs to communicate with her partner, and writing a sms seems a very limited way to do so. Not enough to fight, to explain, to reconcile.
Or is this an advantage? Limited space is after all what we need to condense our feelings and learn to cut to the chase.
So I sent B a sms. I said I understand, and I am happy to run into him in our usual café. I told him I like his group of friends, the way he is mixing up people of different origins. Because it is the true.
I felt better after that. More free. Time and space are important. Rhythm also. But isn’t it more important the way we use them?
Speaking of rhythm, there is a wonderful Jazz Festival in the area of Saint Germain, ending on May 25, I hope I will make it to one of the concerts.
this is the second post I write for the day. I have accidentally erased the first one before having the time to save it. There is no accident of course : I was a bit troubled by the topic, which is love.
I spent the biggest part of the day, Rue de Buci, between café, and aperitif. I met some friends, and talked among other things, about relationships. Is X more than a friend? Is Y manifesting romantic interest?
I received an sms from B, my favorite café guy, saying he is completely absorbed by his work and his son -as a divorced father- he hardly has time for anything else, which is me, and he is sorry. Our casual meeting at the café is almost his only fun time.
I know parents of young children are extremely busy and B is doing a demanding job.
But, if he wanted to, he could have made some time for a drink!
This is going in the direction of what an Italian friend had told me: if a guy wants something, he will act. Turn the page April!
Of course, I would have liked him to say instead: “I am sooo busy, but I always make time for you, April”!
I have not answered yet. I will continue going to the same café when I feel like it and I still like B. Too bad I will not get to know him for real.
Between the fantasy of love and reality, I prefer reality, with a fantastic guy!