May 29, 2015- Spring Update, Part 1

Dear May,

you are leaving us in a couple of days and I have to admit I have left a lot of things pending in my work. Projects I have promised to fulfill, artistic work, my book, etc. Emails I haven’t answered. I wouldn’t come out as dependable these days in the artistic event organization.

Am I responsible for this? Yes, partly. It was I who wanted to go against the current, I who daydreamed as a form of escape when the wannabe boss was giving me a hard time.

When things become hard, the hard get going? Do we need to fight or fly?

I did both. I fought, as much as possible. The wannabe boss threw me out of the Platform. But the Platform was not a form of Paradise.

I also fled.  In my imagination. I disappeared! I took a spring break. I worked alone. On my project A that is not, as usual, bringing me money right away.

I didn’t bother to email people who complained, and instead, I wrote blog-posts.

So, I found a way to keep me happy, for most of the time, and made some other people unhappy, but for unimportant questions. My email wasn’t the center of their existence, after all.

Has this behavior affected my image as a professional? A little bit. But I can wash myself clear if I take action now.

The thing is, it is important to feel empowered. To feel again that my action can change the direction things will take.

And for a while, I wasn’t sure about this.

Now that I am ready to act again, independently of the presence of a wannabe boss, I realize how precious it is to find a group of like-minded and like-hearted, creative people.

One can be great, but an encouraging environment can transform us to something even better!

 

And after all, talents are important only when they are developed and used for the common good 🙂

http://quiz.metaskillsbook.com/

 

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March 13- Mission of the day accomplished :-)

Hello March,

do you months sleep or not?

for the last three nights I have been staying late working, emailing, writing, until about 4.00 in the morning. No, don’t come start a conversation when I wake up, it might be impossible to get something intelligible out of me.

Did you know that intelligent people are supposed to sleep late? What do you mean this is not proof enough?

Ok, let’s talk about something else. Actually, I fulfilled the last step for the professional challenge of March 13. It was the difficult part where I had to contact people of some influence in the world of art and ask for their help. Somehow, I would rather hide, invisible, and expect/fear to be discovered some day.

To get myself on the spot, knock on doors and defend my creation is not exactly my cup of tea. So I postponed it as much as possible. Self-sabotage? Where did you hear about this?

My work was not ready enough, or this is what I told myself until the last-minute. It was as if I prepared for the scenario: here is my work, could you help me and say something in my favor? Oh, yes, it is the last-minute. I see, you are so busy, you don’t even have time to take a look at the future event proposal. I understand, I should have told you before.

With this scenario, I don’t get completely brushed of: the person in question, just doesn’t have the time to take a look. It isn’t as if he/she said he doesn’t like what I do. So, I don’t get a result, but I neither get a negative feedback.

It is as if you almost ask someone out. You tell them at the last, very last-minute. Would you go out for a drink at 19.00? And it is already 18.45. If the person invited says no, you can’t attribute it directly to the fact that he doesn’t want to. It is understandable to have another project. So a doubt persists. An ambiguity. Maybe B likes me after all. Maybe not. Maybe. It could be better than no, but some times, it could be worse.

Despite my resistance, I fullfilled the third step of my professional challenge.

And despite some self-sabotage, I managed to get together some support and present myself to people I didn’t know. (I had a glass of wine before for this last one, but I don’t see it as a permanent solution).

Will it work?

It is important that I have asked. And in this way, there might be a result. For this step.

In any case, I feel that my work has evolved since last time I tried in this direction 🙂

http://lingkulanko.com/using-vision-board-to-manifest-your-goals/

January 26- Update on love and work

Dear January,

yes, I am ready for an update since the month of April 2014, the beginning of this blog. What were my objectives and what has happened?

The idea was to transform myself in order to reach important goals that can contribute -I think- to my happiness:

a. find true love (and be found by it).

b. get a real job that I love (meaning getting paid enough to live and …enjoy art, fashion, traveling, offering gifts, having a luxurious home, etc) (https://april4june6.wordpress.com/about/).

Now, if I want to be honest with myself, it would seem as if I haven’t accomplished my goals, at least not completely. But it is important to acknowledge the progress I have made:

A. In terms of true love, I found myself lovable, and try to live up to a true love of me, which is a way to love other people also.

Writing a blog, is a positive action, it has helped my emotions to unfold. So it weighs in the balance, on the side of true love, I would say.

I know you will tell me, come on, April, be more specific: are you on a relationship with another human being, a man right now? Mmm, not exactly. I have dated someone though during this period of time.

I still have an imaginary crush on B, the guy I occasionally meet at the café. But our romance -which could be one-sided- has not advanced more than the occasional greeting kiss on the cheek (la “bise”). And we have been in the presence of a whole bunch of people.

Being in love is essential to me. B is a source of inspiration, but it could be interesting to have more interaction or to choose another romantic interest. Varying a bit the cafés I go to, might be helpful 🙂

B. In terms of work, I decided two things:

a. to be my own Boss. This was a big decision, and I feel proud for taking it. I have a new artistic project I am attached to, and I want to see it materialize.

b. my second decision is to do everything it takes for a position I have in mind, in the artistic world. It combines a lot of things I really like.

Ok, I have to admit that during this period I kind of got “fired” by the wannabe boss. Kind of, because he wasn’t paying me anyway.

The projects I had submitted for funding last April and passed the first evaluation in June, was not accepted in the end. Actually, it would involve leaving Paris, so, I might not have wanted this to happen in reality.

My spirits were occasionally low and that was the period I was daydreaming instead of answering emails or writing a report. It is communicating what I have done, emailing, that I am not very eager to do. But, I don’t come up as very professional and efficient that way, despite the good work that has been done.

So have I transformed? I am in a process of transformation.

Have I reached my goals? I have reached intermediate, but very important goals. I am on the way of accomplishing these goals and I keep walking!

In the end, I think that walking in the direction of a goal, or a dream, not only transforms me, but also my dream.

NYE

http://bpar.org/new-years-resolutions/

November 24- Dreams are like a river that we sail towards the sea

Dear November,

a co-bloger, Charlee Felice, congratulated me yesterday on the realization of my dreams, and that made me think: what are my dreams today, and can they be realized to their full extent?

I came up with an image, dreams as a river we sail, something that pushes us to travel, taking us to the sea. A dream is like a desire, something that motivates us to take action, and at the same time, accompanies us all the way to our destination.

A dream is a way to happiness, special to us and at the same time common to all 🙂

Dreams are also our co-travellers: they change along the way as we change, they transform, but they are in a way, manifestations of our desires 🙂

Let’s have a wonderful journey, and at the same time let’s create new dreams until we get to the sea.

quotes about dreams

 

https://april4june6.wordpress.com/2014/11/24/november-23-weekend-update/

http://inspirationinwords.wordpress.com/about/

http://motivationgrid.com/21-quotes-about-dreams/

 

September 8- Looking into the mirror of my dreams

Dear September,

What is my heart’s desire? This is the question I tried to answer today.

I stayed home and this gave me the time to browse my past journals. (By the way, yes, I am an adict to journals in every possible form: paper, electronic, …)

It was as if I was looking into the mirror of my past dreams.

Here is what I realized about myself:

a. My dream number one when I was 20 was to become a writer!

b. Writing is one of the activities that give me most pleasure!

c. Writing a blog is already great!

d. Writing a novel has filled my heart with joy!

e. Publishing it is my next objective!

Somehow, my heart’s desire became secondary all these years because I was looking for an occupation that would give me a sense of material security. And becoming an artistic event organizer was the solution, but it has not given me the material security I was hoping for.

Don’t get me wrong September, I enjoy what I do. And getting to know artists and their work is a source of inspiration anyway.

But this occupation can only come second; fullfilling my no 1 heart’s desire shouldn’t keep waiting any more.

It is as if I didn’t expect to succeed in this and didn’t want to give it a try.

As if I were in love with someone I found too attractive, or great or … for me, so I would date someone else. Or not trying to live in my favorite neighborhood because it was not possible and I would look for an apartment in another area.

Why not simplify life and try for what I really like, instead of my second or third choice?

Why not say what I have to say, instead of waiting for others to guess it?

Why not use my internal compass to take my to the right direction?

P.S. Here is what Melody Nunez is suggesting in her interesting page, and I intend to try it (http://melodynunez.com/flashback/)

April 26 – my philosophy

Dear April,

Today I continued playing in a lower key: for the first part of the day, I planned a meeting with one of my best friends. She used to live in Paris. It was time to catch up, especially since the weather was nice and we enjoyed siting outside. We talked about ourselves, families, friends, plans.

Then, I took a walk by myself, towards the old town: I watched the beautiful view, looked at the clouds passing by and meditated. It is important to be a realist, but also to have dreams and objectives. At least this is my philosophy: to keep my feet on the ground and the head in the clouds.

When there is a will, there is a way. And there is a will, if there is a dream. What is my purpose? I want my novel to be published and then translate it in English.

I also want to create inspiring events that help people find a meaning in their lives.

A meaning that includes being tolerant and loving to others