April at a crossroad: towards greener pastures?

This blog took me out of a dysfunctional working environment.

From Paris to London.

After one year and a half in London, I am again at a crossroad: will I get a job allowing me to continue my stay?

Or should I look for greener pastures elsewhere?

I am going to use this blog again as a confident for my adventures to be.

March 26, 2017- On spring arriving and on solving dilemmas

Hello March,

today it has been a beautiful day in London, everything we needed to breath after the last week… in any case, going out for a walk on parks and looking for terraces has been my priority.

I had been stressing up for the direction I should take in my life and career and somehow, again, I realized this is out of context.

The real question is: “what do I want?”

“what is my heart’s desire?”

The rest will follow.

And yet, what if I haven’t figured that out?

Isn’t it possible to have contradictory wishes?

Take Hamlet for example, it happens every day.

It is also called a Dilemma.

Then what?

Should I procrastinate until the problem resolves itself?

Or should I wait to fall desperately in love so that another variable will add to the equation?

Any ideas?

For the moment, the best thing was to hang around and write … for my next book!


June 13 and 14, 2016: In the mood for a walk

Hello June,

have I mentioned that one of my objectives is to walk as much as possible and it seems that I have succeeded in the last two days… at the same time all this walking leaves space for soul-searching…

Should I stay or should I go?

Should I go out with the charming German writer I met last week or should I try more with Portuguese artist?

Is getting another job compatible with me writing a book?

These thoughts and even more, while dancing in Nancy Sinatra’s:

“These Boots are made for Walking”

May 26, 2016: At the crossroad of major decisions- London or Paris?

Dear May,

I have been facing a major dilemma since I came back to London. Should I return in September, as it was initially my plan or should I continue in London for yet another year? It is kind of tricky because I like the environment in London but still I don’t know if it is financially affordable in my current circumstances.

But going back to Paris didn’t feel like the right thing to do. So my decision is to stay in London for another year, and to create the conditions for this to be possible.

Not to speak of emotional questions that are like a roller coaster.

So, what is the best thing to do in this case?

  1. I got myself enrolled to a gym
  2. I decided to dynamise myself with a morning routine, … to be defined
  3. I can be nicer to the object of my affection regardless of outcome
  4. I will build more self esteem by making others feel good also
  5. I will start an initiative

Now, you might say how about your other decision to write daily? What happened to that one?

I did the best I could my dear, and I am here again to pick up from where I have left my last challenge.


October 18b- Love bitter and sweet

Dear October,

You make me face dilemmas and contradictions. I went for a drink with a guy I was in love with two years ago. He started giving me advice on my love life. Did I appreciate it? Yes and No.

Yes, a little bit, because I tried to check my reactions as if I were an observer. As if I were in your place, October, a month, passing by. And no, because the advice was presented in a bitter envelope. He told me that I don’t fight for what I want, and if I want someone, I don’t go all the way through.

Now, you might object, wait a second, why did you start talking about your love-life with him? Is he a close friend? Not exactly.

Even if we didn’t get along, I still like him for a number of reasons. For example, he has had experiences through which I can learn. But he is very judgemental of my ideas, projects and personality.

Today we run into each other, so, it seemed natural to have a drink and catch up.

He told me how well he is doing and about his summer holidays with his girlfriend. Maybe I got a bit jealous, or I needed to get even.

I told him I felt in love this summer.

He put himself in the place of a mentor and started giving me advice. I had it all wrong, according to him. Should I have run after my summer love to the end of the world? Am I too constrained by invisible bounds? That is, myself?

Maybe he’s wrong and right at the same time.

July 23- Between two choices: two jobs, two men?

Dear July,

how to decide between two options when we don’t have enough information on either? It could be two job opportunities, as the case of my friend K, or two relationship possibilities.

In the case of two romantic partners, if strong feelings are involved, a choice has already been made 🙂 But if we are at the beginning, and there is just an attraction. For both. They seem interesting in one way or another. Let’s say that one is an excellent cook. But I don’t know enough about his other qualities. And the second is someone we share common interests and values. But maybe his cooking sucks and he could also snores at night.

And you can’t date them both because they are in the same social environment and they would know about it. Then what?

It is already positive to have a choice. There are times when we would get any offer made, without giving it any thought. But it is not always the best thing to do.

So how do we decide when we don’t have enough information to judge what is best?

And how do we keep our options open, respecting our freedom of choice but also the other’s feelings?

My friend K is between a job in Paris, that seems stable for the next five years at least.

And a temporary job in London, which looks like an interesting experience.

In Paris, there seems to be more stability, and her status is better.

In London, there is instability and the contract she is offered doesn’t seem as good but appears exciting.

What would be the best way to act?

http://queendiaries.com/how-to-choose-between-two-guys/ is giving advice on the romantic partner dilemma

June 18- Busy day

Dear June

today it was a busy day: meetings were succeeding each-other. I am expecting tomorrow an artist for a performance, and I was in touch with him, with the Press, with people whose opinion would matter, etc. I also met the colleague who has a problem with one of the members of her team. She invited me for lunch with another event organizer to ask our opinion. The question was what to do with this third person who was creating trouble for them. Kick her out? Was it right? Keep her in the project with her trouble? Find some kind of intermediate solution? I voted for the intermediate solution.

Then, I asked an older colleague advice considering the wannabe boss. How could I protect myself and keep growing? He suggested I open up my cards to the big boss, and tell him how things stand. After all, I have nothing to lose. He also advised me to work more on my manuscripts and spent less time with the event organization. This is what is going to help me to build a career of my own.

I know I need to write more and have a more disciplined routine. Falling in love was not something that helped my concentration. I also need to send more job applications, etc. Is it possible not to let feelings interfere and be dependable in any possible situation?

I don’t know. Maybe it is. My consultant said some super heroes could. Do I need to become a super hero?

Being a woman is already close.


Ways to Work Exercise into a Busy Day

June 11- Another dilemma

Hello June,

there was another dilemma to solve: I had booked a space for two representations of a theatrical group, the first tomorrow and the other next Thursday, but they told me they were unable to perform. I don’t want to get into the details, but let’s say that I learnt about it ten days ago.

My intention was to find an alternative scheme and not to have to cancel the reservation. It was a difficult decision considering the Platform’s wannabe boss who might be looking for an excuse to throw me out; if I canceled at the last minute, my credibility could be affected.

But I didn’t react as quickly and as effectively as I should have. And I didn’t find an alternative plan to replace the theatrical group. So, that left me with the obligation to cancel the events at the last minute. Ok, this can happen. An artist might get sick, etc, but deep down it didn’t look very responsible on my side. And I didn’t like that.

I procrastinated as much as I could. It is kind of hard to take responsibility and say you are sorry. At about 18.00 I was out for coffee trying to enjoy the sunshine. In reality I had to act! I called a friend to get some advice. Go ahead and email everybody! She told me.

I did. I was kind of worrying about lots of things: are people going to trust me again? How about the Platform bosses?



May 26- How to solve a dilemma?

Dear May,

I had promised you to go to bed early so that I get up early in the morning. But this last email was difficult to write. It took me at least an hour. No, it isn’t long. Just a paragraph.

But I needed to ask for help without being clingy. I was writing to the member of a committee that decides tomorrow for the funding of one of my projects. A person that I appreciate and would also like to invite to the event I organize this summer in the South of France. Both are very important for me.

I didn’t want to say something like: Hello, I am April. I would like to invite you to an artistic event that I organize this summer in the South of France. Oh, and by the way, I have another project that needs funding. The vote is casted tomorrow. Can you vote in favor?

I felt the only way out was to make a choice: either the invitation to the event, or the vote. I only invited him to participate to my summer event.

The same thing goes with love I think. Let’s say that I am in love with A and he seems to like me too. But we have just been acquainted. I cannot say for example: A, you are such a charming person, I am in love with you. And oh, by the way, could you do this and that favor for me?

This second part destroys the authenticity of the feeling.

If my love for A is more important than my desire to get x y or z, I would need to choose.

Putting too many demands at the beginning of a relationship doesn’t seem right. Even later.

There is not one human being I think, that should answer all our needs, simultaneously.

Not even our self.