December 10- Do men search for control in a relationship?

Dear December,

I feel kind of puzzled after a discussion with a friend on relationships. She is older than me, and was insisting that in her experience, if a woman wants to be in a relationship she has to step back and give a man the first place in everything.

According to my friend, who is Spanish, men, at least in France need to feel superior to women. Women have to show them admiration, and show them they are the boss.

Ok, I have seen that happening at the professional environment, with older men, for example the wannabe boss. Especially those in a position of power who are not really confident on themselves and try to feel good by degrading their hierarchical “inferiors”. But not everyone is like that.

In relationships?

What if we do something that we consider worthwhile? Do we need to play it down so that our partner doesn’t feel threatened?

I don’t like this account, but in reality I don’t know if there is truth in it or not.

Let’s say that I don’t have enough experience in a long-term happy relationship.

Is it idealistic to believe that people can feel good together without having to prove that someone is the boss?

In this sense, dating a guy would be possible only if you have a “traditional” role where you don’t have any form of career. Be less than him in anything important… Hide your talents..

This has to do with comparison and not with opening our hearts. Is it how it works?

Why do we have to compete?

And then I got another advice from another friend, a man this time who told me on the contary to take initiatives in case I like someone. Invite him out for a drink for example. Normally he should be flattered. And then if he says nothing, at least I will be clear on that.

I also have a German friend, a man, who also advised me to be directive and not loose time. If someone doesn’t want to go out with me, it is because he is not interested in women 🙂

I feel inclined to believe him 😉 But should I?

http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-81564211/stock-vector-man-woman-love-the-relationships-between-men-and-women.html

man woman love.the relationships between men and women - stock vector

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October 22b- Friends giving relationship advice

Hello October,

do you ever get together with September and November for a drink? Just to catch up? I met up with a good friend and artist for lunch by the Platform. She was working with me on a project a few years ago. It was nice to catch up and see that things are happening in all the possible fields of our lives.

She is dating a guy who seems great in the sense that he respects her goals and emotions. It is so important to be close to people who want to see us grow and who also want that for themselves.

Later this evening I saw two other friends and discussed two other cases of men. The first had dated a person who turned out to be a “goujat”, meaning a man without a notion of “savoir-vivre” or politeness. He even went with her on holidays and then disappeared without living any trace, or a good buy. Maybe it is the best thing he could do for her.

The second friend is in love with a man she feels completely incompatible with her. His temper, behavior, everything exasperated her, but still, is thinking about him.

Are we getting anywhere discussing relationships with our women friends? Or is it just comforting each other in our pre-conceived ideas?

It is funny because I overheard a conversation between a group of men at the café who were doing exactly the same thing on their side. One of them had a relationship problem and the others were “brainstorming” for solutions.

Should we have been talking between men and women instead to understand each-other better?

Or is Rubyr 8 right when she said that: “love is a selfish wind fairy staying on a whim and not because someone tries to please it always”?

(http://rubyspolaroid.wordpress.com/)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship