July 10, 2017-Happiness as a state and as a destination

Hello July,

getting what you want and not getting what you want could amount to the same degree of happiness. So why bother wanting something in the first place?

I wouldn’t have an answer to that. It seems that accepting things we can’t change can be also important as having the freedom to choose what we want. When our ambition is bounded or unbounded there seems to be a difference. We have the capacity to manufacture the commodity we chace when we look for experiences.

So if we make a choice let it be for other reasons than making us feel good 😉

October 7, 2015- Talking to my potential flatmates

Hello October,

no, I haven’t met any of my potential flatmates… yet! We have become Facebook friends, we talked on the phone -it is so good that what’s up, Skype and viber exist!- I have looked at their pictures as babies, with their grandfather, on top of the China wall, diving, etc…

It is as if I knew them. One of them, who is French, told me he has a girlfriend who is very “expressive” in their private moments as a couple, and asked me the distance between the flat’s bedrooms. So that the noise will not bother the other tenants. I just don’t understand why not look for a studio in that case.

Another one is a beautiful young woman who seems very active, travelling around the world. Would I feel insecure if I bring a boyfriend in the house?

A third is a Polish who is told me he is looking for something worth while for his money. A notion difficult to decide.

A third is a woman in her 40s who is very much into cleanness. A baby sitter. A specialist in information technology.

Someone else asked me how am I ready to share a flat with an unknown person. Well, I will trust my intuition. After all, in some parts of the world people get even married without having met each other. Sometimes, they are happier than those who knew each other long ago. Best friends go on holidays together and they end up fighting.

The thing is, I am still in Paris, so I can’t meet them before the end of the week.

So, strangers could be great. I am into trying something new.

Please October, help me with a tip!

Friends_image

 

http://www.wnol.info/new-c4-documentary-about-finding-the-perfect-flatmate/

October 20- New habit: write for 3 hours every day

Hi October,

now, I want to get up early, do my dance/work out and write for three hours. Before I start taking care of practical issues that disperse my concentration. In order to get up early, I need to go to sleep early 🙂

In order to change this, according to Duhigg,

“STEP ONE: IDENTIFY THE ROUTINE

The MIT researchers in Chapter One discovered a simple neurological loop at the core of every habit, a loop that consists of three parts: A cue, a routine and a reward”.

My routine is that I want to do something that will make me feel nice, before going to sleep. Hmm, if it is something like reading, blogging, seeing friends, why not do it a bit earlier?

Because I work until late, and this is because I have started my day late, so I finish later.

And what is wrong with that? You might object. If you are a free-lance, you can do what you want.

Yes, but I don’t have enough time for writing. And if I don’t do it in the morning, I might be less concentrated, or if I do it at night, this wakes me up 😉

http://charlesduhigg.com/how-habits-work/

 

 

 

 

July 23- Between two choices: two jobs, two men?

Dear July,

how to decide between two options when we don’t have enough information on either? It could be two job opportunities, as the case of my friend K, or two relationship possibilities.

In the case of two romantic partners, if strong feelings are involved, a choice has already been made 🙂 But if we are at the beginning, and there is just an attraction. For both. They seem interesting in one way or another. Let’s say that one is an excellent cook. But I don’t know enough about his other qualities. And the second is someone we share common interests and values. But maybe his cooking sucks and he could also snores at night.

And you can’t date them both because they are in the same social environment and they would know about it. Then what?

It is already positive to have a choice. There are times when we would get any offer made, without giving it any thought. But it is not always the best thing to do.

So how do we decide when we don’t have enough information to judge what is best?

And how do we keep our options open, respecting our freedom of choice but also the other’s feelings?

My friend K is between a job in Paris, that seems stable for the next five years at least.

And a temporary job in London, which looks like an interesting experience.

In Paris, there seems to be more stability, and her status is better.

In London, there is instability and the contract she is offered doesn’t seem as good but appears exciting.

What would be the best way to act?

http://queendiaries.com/how-to-choose-between-two-guys/ is giving advice on the romantic partner dilemma