April 22, 2016: Post day 9- Love misunderstanding

Hello April,

I am going through the phase, let’s try a small change every day, so I thought I could open up to this man who seemed to pursue me for the last two months.

You want to know what happened?

He told me it was a misunderstanding and he sees me as a friend.

I admit this is the first time it happens to me. Because I am shy and if I am not sure, I don’t start a conversation. And then, there are cases where there is no doubt about the kind of interest the other person has.

But in this case, there was someone with whom I spent all my weekends doing all sorts of things. He was asking me with insistence about my personal life and he was telling me I should finally decide. Not to mention that he was putting himself out there as someone available.

I don’t know a lot of people in London, so I enjoyed having someone to talk to. I was not attracted to him as a man. I usually have strong feelings for someone from the start. But it has happened to me to fall in love “blindly” and then discover my prince was a frog.

So I tried to persuade myself that I should give it a chance.

When he told me I got it all wrong, I felt two things.

a. relief, that I didn’t have to push myself

b. my ego was hurt. Is it possible that he has not been influenced by my fatal attraction?

c. where is this thing called love?

Now, relief is very important. It is like not having to eat something you dislike because it is supposed to be good for your health. And then you read an article where a new study reveals it is the opposite. So you can forget about it.

Then, I realize I would like someone to love;

Maybe if I don’t spent all my free time with my friend I could get to know new people.

So, I guess feelings are important and I could also listen to them 🙂

 

How Long Did It Take You to Fall in Love?

April 19, 2016: post day 6- how to be Phenomenal

Hi April,
after the discussion on what is to be attractive, I couldn’t resist to this poem by Maya Angelou on something even better: how to be PHENOMENAL 🙂
Phenomenal Woman
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

April 18, 2016: Post day 5- what is to be attractive?

April hello,

do you consider yourself attractive? Because it”s not exactly the same thing as beautiful. Attractive, in my opinion, seems to be more important for dating 🙂

Hmm and it is a quality more difficult to discern. It is relational. You cannot be attractive if there is no one around to attract. It doesn’t have to do with the way you are dressed, with your manners, with your education. Or religion, or upbringing, or even colour of skin or hair. Of any particular characteristic.

And then, are we attractive to specific kind of people and vice-versa? Or it is something that affects everybody?

Could other people agree on that? Has it happened to you to see a friend’s partner who seems average to you to be presented as the most attractive man around? And you wonder if there is something you just miss?

So maybe opinions can diverge; and so much the better. Because if we all wanted oranges at the same time what would happen to the apples and the pears?

http://jlggb.net/blog3/?tag=poire

February 7- Saturday night

Dear Saturday February,

Instead of being at the bar for a drink with my friends I am working! But I work at my new favorite café 😉 At least until they lower the lights and I can’t see my own notes.

Were I at home, I would have felt deprived in a way. But this combination of café-bar and work, suits me. The only problem is I might need to watch my budget more closely! I promised myself to end it this weekend, and then I will go back to the Platform to face my ex wannabe boss and negotiate. So, let’s do it!

Actually, I am the only person working. I am surrounded by couples, and despite my superhuman concentration, this makes me think of Valentines and Saint-Valentine.

I thought about B, my former café-crush, who I met earlier, and felt confused. He is so warm in public, and yet, he avoids more contact -like a date for example. He might have someone in his life, or not like women but why does he cultivate this form of ambiguity? Is he like Victor Legris, the detective of the novel I have been reading? May be he is afraid of the powerful attraction I exercise over him. “The bise” with me, the greeting kiss “à la française”, already makes him dizzy.  So, going out for coffee might be too much: he’s scared that it might turn him into my slave for ever.

Ok, I will have to accept this. What is more, my first passionate love, of the time I was 20, H, came back to town. H hurt me, so I had stopped any contact with him years ago. Now back to Paris with his family, he tries to get in touch again. I am not sure I like this.

What I would like, is a good-hearted and clear-minded Valentine for the 14!

Amour Paris

June 13- Soulmates

Dear June,

Yes, I spent the first part of the day dealing with practical questions: organization of the South of France event, but also of my household: supermarket, cleaning up a little bit. This is the advantage of being a free-lance, you can dispose of your time as you want. But that is very tricky, because you might do a lot, or not.

Looking at passers-by at the café, is also a way to do something important. If it is an active attention, a creative posture.

Anyway, during the second part of the day I adopted this creative introspection. I kept thinking about the “image” I project to men. Yesterday, a colleague made me think with what she said: that I could give the impression of an “amazon” ready for a battle- I wondered if this is how I feel “inside”.

I asked an older man, in his 60s, he also had a similar impression. But he said that for him, this was only a mask. Because an amazon is taking what she wants, and I am waiting for the man to do something. And if I attract men who expect me to act, in an amazon way, things don’t go very far. At least I think this was his point.

T, the friend who was visiting last weekend, told me he could associate me to goddess Diana.

What do I make of this? Hmm, in a way I want people I am dealing with, to treat me with respect. Sometimes they are older and more “powerful” in terms of social position. And I like to be treated as an equal.

When it comes to my love life, I am grateful to attract potential partners. But not those I would like to engage into a serious relationship with. At least in the past, they were not what you may call a “soul mate”.

Is there a sort of harmony, between the person that I feel I am and the persona I project in my everyday interactions?

Partly yes, probably.

We have so many dimensions, and we engage in different sort of relationships with people.

But if I am defensive in my love life, I need to change.

I need to open my heart in order to meet another person in a deeper level.

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-He-Is-Your-Soulmate

Know if He Is Your Soulmate Step 1.jpg