April 2nd 2015- Love: theories and realities

Dear April,

did you overhear me last night talking to a friend about relationships? At this small Parisian bar? Oh, you were busy raining on us most of the day so you didn’t. No worries, I will fill you in. Two perspectives emerged:

Perspective no 1.

It comes from the generation of our parents, who have happened to experience successful relationships. Or so it seems. They have met young, it was their first important relationship, got married, had one or two children and lived happily ever after.

To them, when you see the person for you, you know right away. So, seeing for example their child separate from a relationship raises some questions. “Why did it take you three years to realize this was not the person for you? You probably felt it all along. So why start the relationship? Is it because you have a difficulty to discern what you feel and what you want”?

In that case, this is a problem. Some disconnection with our inner self.

As if for example you are hungry and start eating. At some point, the brain is supposed to get the message that you have got enough energy and you can do something else. If there is a disconnexion, you can go on eating three main dishes and three desserts before the information arrives.

Could it be the same thing with relationships?

And in that case, what causes the lack of communication with our inner self? Fear of being alone? Not trusting our gut feeling? Not having exercised our intuition?

Perspective no 2:

There could be another variation. Having a defective “program” which coordinates the whole process.

For example, wanting to “save” someone with our love.

Looking back to the first two men I had fallen in love with, I realized I wanted to “rescue” them with my love. They seemed talented but miserable, or something equivalent.

Was I trying to feel I deserved love by doing this? Did I try to change them? Probably.

So it didn’t work. After all, nobody asked me to take up this mission.

We left the bar thinking about a third perspective:

Why not try a third perspective and feel good with another human being?

Starting from ourselves because we deserve love unconditionally.

http://www.boldsky.com/relationship/beyond-love/2012/types-of-love-relationships-029739.html

Advertisements

March 3- Challenge: a love from the past

Hello March,

what would you do in my place? If your first Parisian love, H, declared he has been thinking about you dearly for the last… years? Well, small detail, H is in a relationship and has a little boy. (If he is married? We are in Paris, dear, living with someone is almost as if…).

I personally, felt confused. He was my first Parisian crush. I was a small town girl, he was Parisian, with this “je ne sais quoi” air. But he seemed to be a “dom Juan” kind of person, changing relationships as fast as the traffic light changes from green to red. Mmm, yes, I had been one of these relationships. And then I left, it didn’t feel healthy. He was telling me he didn’t love me and was full of caprices. What do you mean so am I?

So now, H, who had been in Norway for his work, came back to Paris and contacted me. He seems to be very much in love with me. To cherish the moments we spent together a few years ago. And to be afraid of his attraction for me. Because I am such a “femme fatale”.

This is very flattering in a way, don’t you think?

But what if it were BS?

For example, may be he is nostalgic of his twenties and finding an ex-girlfriend of this period could make him feel good. Like a reunion in a way.

He hasn’t been a very faithful type of person in the past. He might just want to keep on with his relationship and have some distractions here and there. Why not declare his love?

He is bored with his life and tries to spice it up by confusing other people too.

He could even be sincere, but in the end, he seems to be pretty comfortable in his life style.

Because deep down I am a simple girl and think that a loving couple involves two people. And this is quiet enough.

Robert Doisneau - Le baiser de l'hotel de ville (Kiss by the Hotel de Ville © Robert Doisneau

http://www.filmsnotdead.com/2013/04/14/robert-doisneau-a-pioneer-of-photojournalism/

February 12b- Another Parisian mystery with Victor Legris

Dear February,

Victor is having a hard time dating an independent woman. Victor Legris, the Parisian detective. I just finished the third book of the series. And I know who the murderer is. In terms of psychology, the third book seems to me more interesting than the first one. Or is it that I become familiar with the ambiance? Once you know the people, they grow on you. Even imaginary characters.

But Victor’s love life seems more important to me. He met Tasha in book no 1. He was following her around and finally kissed her at the third part of the book. When the mystery ended, they were a couple.

I don’t know what happened in book no 2.

But I found them again together in book no 3, and the passion seems to be well and alive. Victor is jealous because Tasha doesn’t want to marry him, neither live with him. She has male friends who flirt with her, and is very passionate about other topics than Victor, p.ex. her art.

How does he cope? He resolves murder cases.

But seriously, he seems to have evolved from a relationship perspective, because he found a balance between his insecurities, his will for control and his passion. From this point of view, he is an ideal man 🙂

How about Tasha? We learn less about her, and her inner struggles, but she appears to me a little bit insecure too …

It is so important to learn from experience and evolve… I would also like to evolve as a character.

And as a writer 🙂

book cover of </p>
<p>The Montmartre Investigation </p>
<p>

http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/i/claude-izner/montmartre-investigation.htm

February 5- Parisian Mysteries no 3

Hello February,

how many coffees could you drink so that you concentrate without getting nervous? I think that my personal record is 4. And I did concentrate. My project should finish by the end of the week.

What do you mean you don’t care? All you want to know is if Victor Legris is drinking coffee? So now you can only concentrate on Victor’s affaires?

Ok, just because I want your help with Saint Valentine, I will tell you.

Victor prefers tea, because he has been raised in England. And he also drinks alcohol every time he goes to the café. I completely understand him, after all, he is in the middle of a crisis. Either the man who raised him is a murderer or the woman he is falling in love with, Tasha. If you drink coffee in this situation, your nerves get in an impossible state. A cognac might do better.

So, Victor is an intellectual librarian and a part-time journalist, writing the literary column at the “Passe-Partout” journal. He is also a self-appointed detective. Because suspecting people you care about, is motivation enough to start an investigation.

All this to tell you that he hasn’t even kissed Tasha until chapter 9, and there are 14 chapters as a whole. Victor is following her, he is jealous of men who could be potential lovers, in his imagination. She is an artist, a free spirit, and she has a lot of friends among the talented Impressionists in Paris.

Would it be more simple to ask her out?

After all, does he care for Tasha because he suspects her, or he suspects he because he cares for her?

Is he afraid of relationships and he needs to find some huge obstacle between them?

What do you think?

 

 

 

 

December 14- Love, the most important ingredient

Dear December,

As I am entering a busy week, professionally speaking, and felt stressed up despite my to-do lists and sub-lists. The situation after the last meeting with the wannabe boss has left me suspended without any concrete prospect.

 

But, all of a sudden, I had an epiphany: ok, April, all these things are important. (By the way, I have already filled several printable lists for Santa Claus).

But what is my number 1? The most important of all?

Love. Love is the no 1 ingredient for a celebration. THE thing to make us smile.

It would be great to have a family with young children, to celebrate with, but I can’t produce one in a few days. Maybe I can borrow someone else’s. And a boyfriend that matches with them. A handsome guy with children? Divorced? Not too broken-hearted. Should I keep him after the holidays?

Being in love, sharing time with people we love, be around children, imagination, creativity, offer presents!

With or without means, letting love flow in forms of deserts, invitations, gifts, … kisses… fairy tales…

All the rest seems so secondary…

 

December 13- Preparation: for love, Christmas, …

Dear December,

preparing for Christmas is quiet a thing… and preparing for love?

If we go to a party, we usually prepare: our hair, clothes, …

If we invite friends to our place, we prepare something, (at least the table if we order!)

If we have a job interview or important professional meeting, also.

There is Advent to prepare for Christmas.

So why would love be different?

I am sleepy, so I will get to the essentials, after a quick search:

a.  Re-Learn Yourself: love oneself

b Get rid of all the dirty laundry (aka exes) that is no longer serving you. 

c. Create a life you adore

c Open to the mystery of life

What does it mean? Oh, you are asking too many questions December! I told you I had a long day. I can refer to an article, and will get back to it … tomorrow 🙂

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alexis-meads/11-steps-to-prepare-yourself-for-really-awesome-love_b_5787262.html#slide=start

Cuddle up: Pottery Barn's advent calendar pillowcase ($59) doubles up as a form of festive decor 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2844772/Who-needs-chocolate-panties-dog-treats-FEMAIL-reveals-unique-advent-calendars-help-count-Christmas-style.html

 

December 2- Questions for Santa Claus

Dear December,

I have started my letter to Santa Claus, and it seemed that I have only one wish, but this is not true. I just didn’t want to shock you with its length. For example, if I want a Prince just for me, should I think about characteristics? Blond, red or dark-haired? With a lot of hair in his body or not? Ok I have given up comparisons with tablets.

Taller than I, my size, shorter, big or small ears? Talented in something I appreciate? For example would I like him to be a great writer or would that make me feel anxious about my own talent? Doing something completely different, such as watching football? Eating the same kind of food?

Is Santa supposed to bother with all these details?

Being complementary.

 

After all, Princes are recognized by their generosity, good heart, a form of intelligence (any form?). Aren’t they?

Anyway, I don’t know what are the ingredients, but it seems that we should feel great together. Not for just an hour or two. Every time we meet? Most of the time? Appreciating each-other the way we grow. Separately and together.

So:

1. I want to have a good time and fun with this Prince

2. We are complementary in the sense that together we become a better team than each of us separate

3. We like each other for now, and for the way we will grow together and separately

4. We have dreams and faith in the good in this world

Before I sent my letter to Santa I would like you to give me a feedback, December.

Just to make sure I put down everything I desire and everything that will answer someone else’s desire.

Letter to Santa - FREE printable by Events To Celebrate!

http://eventstocelebrate.net/2013/11/letter-to-santa-free-printable/

The link where I found this letter format!

November 30- Opera Bastille in Paris: la Boème and romantic love

Farewell November!

In yesterday’s post I was comparing Prince Charming to the acquisition of a tablet, in a very disrespectful way for love, I have to admit. Today, I was exposed to a different point of view: I went to see “La Bohème”, at the Opera Bastille in Paris. And cried my eyes out in this romantic love story at the end of the 19th century.

The story is about poor artists living in small attics in Paris at the end of the 19th century, freezing in the cold winter, but on fire with love and talent. Two romantic souls meet, they are made for each other, but of course, it is a drama, and a tragic death puts an end to the romance. I love so much Puccini’s music, the composer of this opera!

The scene where Rodolfo and Mimi meet and open their heart to each other, is my best I think.

Just a link not from the Paris Opera, but of the Scala in Milano in 1979, because I also like it, to show you what I mean.

Meeting another soul, is so powerful that its only existence in art and in life, moves my heart!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_boh%C3%A8me

 

November 29- On Tablets and Prince Charming

Hello dear November,

this was a wonderful day in Paris, sunny, it didn’t even feel cold! It was pleasant to walk around and enjoy the weekend rhythm of the city, with the streets becoming crowded from tourists and locals.

I decided to go shopping (credit cards are great for this … at the beginning 🙂 and get myself a tablet. For some reason, this act is identified with more organization, in my mind. I need a tool, like a magic wand that will prioritize my activities and will serve as a helmet if someone tries to get in my face.

I also wanted something where I could read, and eventually, open a word document and write. And something I can afford.

So I spent a lot of time researching in the internet, asking friends, calculating, explaining my needs -at least part of them-.

And I ended up with something that seemed to concentrate many of the qualities I am looking for. I have it next to me right now, and somehow it symbolizes my decision to start a new chapter and be very effective during the next month.

Technology has something magical around it for me, and having an object that interacts, seems a better choice than a new pair of shoes…

Do we proceed in the same way when we become friends with people, or when we choose a “Significant Other”?

Could it be like: ” I need a Prince Charming, this week”. Let’s see what kind of characteristics this individual should have. What are my needs? My desires? How could I afford this Prince? Is he compatible with my life-style? Is this Prince going to change my life? Making me happier, more organized, etc? Does he symbolize something for me?

In the case of a tablet, or a pair of shoes, they don’t have anything to say, it is a question of being able to pay the price.

But there is a price to pay in relationships also. Time, presence, love.

I don’t know if this approach is useful. I haven’t tried it that way. I wonder if other people do.

But what if I did?

http://www.wallpapertopix.com/very-funny-wallpapers/funny-charming-prince/

November 15- Powerful female characters in literature and … life

Dear November,

do you think strong female characters come up often in literature and films? Would you say it is important for our growth? The reason I ask is because I have been thinking that starting a small group to help us achieve our goals, should somehow integrate some reading, or film watching, or …

Anyway, being exposed to some female role models. Does powerful mean being some form of warriors? How about being charming? We want to charm our men don’t we? Isn’t it what we have been trying, to show that the two are linked together?

I have been looking in French literature, and the novel that has come to my mind is the “Chartreuse de Parme”, of Stehndal, “The Charterhouse of Parma”, in english, for the character of Gina that has inspired me a lot as a young woman, when I first became acquainted with the novel. I was so much moved by it, that I wouldn’t go for lunch if I didn’t finish an important scene 🙂

The Charterhouse of Parma chronicles the adventures of the young Italian nobleman Fabrice del Dongo from his birth in 1798 to his death. Gina is Fabrice’s aunt, and not what we might conventionally call a character with high morals, but she has a lot of character, and is definitely very active.

How about Elisabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice? To take an example from English literature.

Anyway, I think I will go one reflecting on this issue, and the ways we are powerful and charming 🙂

http://www.e-booksdirectory.com/details.php?ebook=6901