so there is this blogger meeting, the Blogger’s Bash I intend to attend for the first time, and meet people who share the same passion: writing and publishing something on line on a regular basis!
In the meanwhile, I have been dealing with practical questions: how to keep my environment organized, satisfy my flatmate who thinks I don’t clean the surfaces in the Kitchen every time I finish cooking -she might have a point- with creative writing, organizing my next artistic event and also looking for funding opportunities for another round in the UK.
Hmmm… and last but not least, I need to walk more than 15.000 steps a day so that our team wins the trophee at the working platform I am attached to.
So, where is the time for romance? Passion? Exhuberation? Soul searching?
To be honest, I start from soul-searching and being open to inspiration.
This is why I can forget spraying Dettol on the kitchen or to put my clothes in order.
This is also the reason why I start my working day after lunch.
And why I finish so late!
Do I want to change that?
I like writing late, the feeling that I am the only person around.
There is something rebellious about it, I am not sure I can find early in the morning.
I am still in front of my desk with my eyes kind of aching after all these words I have been reading, writing, erasing, rewriting.
Actually I admit I have a publishing fear: I am writing, and then I don’t really show my work to the publishers I could have. Especially in the world contacted. Especially when it comes to writing a project for my other activity, the artistic project organization, I seem to feel overwhelmed: I still have on my mind the words of my critics, it doesn’t make sense, it is not well written, it is … not publishable for the brochure of the exhibition… you’d better stick to contact the catering… who do you think you are, the curator?
Just to make a long story short.
The thing is, I have dared to publish a book. But I went to find a publisher in my French village, probably hoping no one will find about it.
At least none of my Parisian, high brow critics.
I am a great performer, so I dare to explain things in meetings.
But when it comes to writing the text, there is something in the form that doesn’t fit the gallery’s standards.
I decided to change that.
I will sent as many projects as possible. They will wonder how on earth I found the time.
these last two days I kind of crashed a party: it was for my work not for pleasure; or maybe both 🙂
I was told about the launch of an event in the near future and I had inside information about the whereabouts of the group who would prepare it. I vaguely know the person in charge so I appeared on the day X with an innocent smile: oh, I was just in the neighborhood!
Finally they asked me to stay and it is even possible that I will become part of the group in a formal way: at the same time I take a risk of passing the tolerance limit of the person in charge who might find me undisciplined …
I was feeling between happy for my risk and afraid I overdid it… is it worth being intelligent and coming up with good ideas if this was not the moment to speak my mind? Because when I get somewhere I forget about strategy and like to enjoy myself.
“Cerise sur le gâteau” : one of the senior star-artists who was invited had a crush on me; he emailed me something that looked like a love letter today; he is definitely not my type and that could complicate things.
The only plus: he is living in Vancouver; so we might only see him again next month:
tonight, at the cocktail party that followed the launching of an exhibition, I run into an old flame. He is a Belgian I had been in love with, briefly, during the preparation of an event,artistic event, and then he vanished somewhere in Germany. He has proposed to me to collaborate and I accepted even though working with him brings back memories.
He is in a relationship now, and he doesn’t seem very happy: this is probably the reason why he is bitter about my plans and perspectives. Not exactly what I need. Of course I need precision, I need to ask people with experience; but it is also good to have cheerleaders around who will tell you: just go for it!
At the same time I think he is talented and his idea makes sense. I shouldn’t throw it away but take a first step and see what it feels like working together again; in any case we don’t need any geographical proximity. And a lot of other people would be involved 🙂
And Yes, the presentation of my first book took place in my village of the South of France, at the local bookstore!
It has been a big local hit: 55 books were sold on the spot!
Ok, half of them went to aunts and uncles, former boyfriend of the time I was 8 year’s old; others to former neighbours who were curious to see if they would learn something about my personal life all these years far from the cafe and the village church. After all, I am a village celebrity 🙂
And yes, it is practically a self published book because if I sell the 200 books we have edited I will end up with a profit of 200 euros.
But it meant a lot to publish in my mother tongue first and to do it there where my life started. Even if at my little village -we call it small town- there are also those who forced me to get out and seek adventure in the wide world.
Now I feel kind of exhausted at my village café. It feels like, whaou, there were about 100 people there who seemed to be interested in whatever I have produced. Even if I have my blog-friends who are there with their inspiring comments, it is great to have humans with flesh and blood being present.
The next step is to see if they enjoy it as much as I did writing it!
the week started with a high-speed and I could hardly catch my breath. To begin with, it feels as if I just moved in to London. Going home to the South of France for two months interrupted all the “practical” procedures: like getting an internet connexion, opening a bank account, learning when to let your garbage out. Etc.
It is amazing how many little things compose our every day routine. In Paris, I didn’t have to think of it. Now, every little step takes a bigger proportion. And yes, I have been blacklisted by my telephone company.
On the other hand, a lot of wonderful things happened to make me smile. New friends, a bunch of people with whom I have coffee. Eh, I got to mingle with people who are very well-connected in the art world in London. Will I get myself a mentor honoring his/her role?
I found myself at a cocktail, and managed to say the right things at the right time.
Although there is something tiring in that because I admit having a lot of fun saying inappropriate things at the right time 😉
In any case, things are moving and I get the feeling I am at the right place.
I am in the middle of a relocation from Paris to London, and this is going to be the last week of my everyday Parisian lifestyle. This Saturday it was “nuit blanche“, with artistic installations and exhibitions both indoors and outdoors. Our environment and its future was the big underlying question. What a fantastic idea!
Néle Azevedo for example encouraged participants to create a frozen character they could place on the stairs and wait until the sun dissolves this figure in the morning. I like this idea as a metaphor : it is the best method to dissolve haters!
I fell into one or two every now and then. The last two, people who judged my work for a competition I tried to win in March. I only got a chance to read their report today. It just couldn’t be worse! To resume their saying, there was nothing original in my proposal, the quality was bad, my work shouldn’t be considered and I was a fraud in every possible way. Had I only them to count on, I would have thought I was good for nothing in my field.
Well, the thing is this type of haters influence some other people who decide on my artistic funding in France. What should I do? Impossible to fight back. They position themselves as experts.
Maybe that particular position, as an artistic consultant was not for me. Or maybe it is. But another time at another temporality.
Thank you dear haters, for teaching me to love myself better, so I don’t need to prove anything to you. I only need to be creative and look for the right environment to blossom 🙂
So how do you dissolve this influence dear October?
With light of course.
I can hear you say “April just shine and let them DISSOLVE!”