November 13, 2019- Knowing how not to get affected by childhood dynamics

Hello November,

how is it that our parents have a way to get into us that other people don’t? Somehow, feelings become magnified when something is related to them. All the childhood memories, wounds, happy moments become activated.

When it’s good, it’s great.

I mean, not everyone has a chance to grow up with parents who take care of them as kids, so, having experienced that is a blessing in itself.

Still, we are all human beings and parents are also human. The best of them can also instil feelings of guilt on something, or not being good enough or worthy of X, Y and Z.

And then we might find partners or other people who reinforce this dynamic as we grow.

So what to do when we catch ourselves there?

It’s important to say: STOP and rewind.

Is this playing the same old film?

What if I step out and refuse to be part of it?

That’s what I do.

I step out for coffee.

I write in my blog.

I am not responsible for my parents’ happiness or unhappiness.

I may contribute, but it’s their life also.

And I can’t take the blame for anything that seems not to work.

Or for anything that does.

Let’s do the best I can.

And forgive them, and forgive myself for not being perfect.

And thank them, and thank me for who we are.

I likes this one :

When You’re Hard on Yourself: Replace Guilt with Self-Compassion