Oh dear April,
have you doubted about yourself? Saying maybe March is the first month of Spring, and then May brings the roses, etc, what am i doing in the middle? No recognition at all?
Never thought of it? So much the better…
Well today I was kind of obsessed with the idea of the evaluation of my last project. It will be sent to me in a … month.
I started thinking of the worst scenarios. Maybe it is bad. Maybe my enemies in Paris, no, France, have come together and decided my ideas are not at all interesting, original, comprehensible. A shame to all the illustrious artists ever breathed in France and abroad.
Maybe they found my project arrogant, shameless, a sort of blasphemy to … whatever should ever be respected!
How could I face this mountain of imaginary criticism?
Well, in the past, I have been traumatized with the idea that I am alone with my little flame.
A flame which has been judged for not being clear, beautiful, possible to communicate.
I have angered people because I disagreed and fired back. I have faced haters. And although it is not something that happens to me every day, the memory of it is enough to make me deadly scared.
After all, it is as if they were saying: “April you are not accepted as a member of the artistic community of Paris. Your work is not worthy enough for… this important funding, and you may not hold this important position at this xxx museum”.
I am saying: look here is what I do, it is just a little bit different, let me join in and play with you.
I am between the desire for a community that will encourage me and the need to be creative in an independent way.
There are different forms of evaluations here and there.
How do we learn from them without getting destroyed every time we go through the process?
Maybe when we see ourselves as something much bigger than the work we present.
Our work might be our “child”, but still, we can remodel it and create new ones, all of them lovely, some more wonderful than others!
So, dear evaluators, you might criticize or not accept my work, but I am so much more, and I can still smile to you with it like the cat of the Cheshire Cat in Alice’s wonderland!
april4june6: A journal of self-tranformation 
You know what, April? Take your blog as model. See how many people love what you share. See what you created only with being you! And then stop doubting yourself 😉
🙂 🙂 🙂
I find letting people listen to my compositions a rather humbling experience. We work so hard to arrive at a point that we can create, yet we are judged. I understand, it’s the nature of art. To be judged. I know that, as much as I want honest feedback, there are times that I’m just floored when met with negativity.
“…what am i doing in the middle?” ❤
😉
Very cheeky, uplifting post! Your self-talk is pitch-perfect. No matter what the Gatekeepers say.
Elouise
I was going to say that but I see “Erikakind” sort beat me to the finish line.
Share bits and pieces of your project with us.
You probably won’t make a penny of it, but you’ll get honest feedback!
How about it?
Just do it.
brian