April 2nd 2015- Love: theories and realities

Dear April,

did you overhear me last night talking to a friend about relationships? At this small Parisian bar? Oh, you were busy raining on us most of the day so you didn’t. No worries, I will fill you in. Two perspectives emerged:

Perspective no 1.

It comes from the generation of our parents, who have happened to experience successful relationships. Or so it seems. They have met young, it was their first important relationship, got married, had one or two children and lived happily ever after.

To them, when you see the person for you, you know right away. So, seeing for example their child separate from a relationship raises some questions. “Why did it take you three years to realize this was not the person for you? You probably felt it all along. So why start the relationship? Is it because you have a difficulty to discern what you feel and what you want”?

In that case, this is a problem. Some disconnection with our inner self.

As if for example you are hungry and start eating. At some point, the brain is supposed to get the message that you have got enough energy and you can do something else. If there is a disconnexion, you can go on eating three main dishes and three desserts before the information arrives.

Could it be the same thing with relationships?

And in that case, what causes the lack of communication with our inner self? Fear of being alone? Not trusting our gut feeling? Not having exercised our intuition?

Perspective no 2:

There could be another variation. Having a defective “program” which coordinates the whole process.

For example, wanting to “save” someone with our love.

Looking back to the first two men I had fallen in love with, I realized I wanted to “rescue” them with my love. They seemed talented but miserable, or something equivalent.

Was I trying to feel I deserved love by doing this? Did I try to change them? Probably.

So it didn’t work. After all, nobody asked me to take up this mission.

We left the bar thinking about a third perspective:

Why not try a third perspective and feel good with another human being?

Starting from ourselves because we deserve love unconditionally.



4 thoughts on “April 2nd 2015- Love: theories and realities

  1. Happy blog-a-versery.
    Remember in Love we have so many more choices (or so it seems) than our parents because there was just less people.
    But times were different too. And folks were willing to work (OK most often it may have been more one sided) to make it through what ever hardships there might have been.

    We are bombarded with what is perfect. We are told we should have perfect. But we really just need – as you say – unconditional love. We don’t have to be blind to imperfections, but some, well those little faults make things unique and beautiful.

    Reading to children can be fun. The almost five year old tells me when I’ve missed a page or a sentence. And the almost 2 year old seems to add vocabulary with each new book. It is perhaps pure joy to watch them both discover and unlock the keys to reading 🙂

  2. Hmmm. You want to save beings? Get a dog!
    (Miserable men will stay miserable)
    And remember: men marry women hoping they will never change… (And they do) women marry men hoping they will change (them) (but we don’t change!)
    Have a lovely week in Paris.
    En avril ne te découvre pas d’un fil…
    (En mai, fais ce qu’il te plaît)

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