December 17- Am I angry with myself or…?

Dear December,

I don’t know if I feel angry with myself, with someone else or if I am just excited trying to swallow all this new information. Have you ever felt things are going fast and your feelings don’t have time to settle in your heart?

This is a little bit my day. It started when I learnt that I could have been eligible for a job, but I was told my profile was not adequate because the kind of artistic events I organise, didn’t count. And today, the very same person, who seemed well-informed, a senior artist, told me he would help out two other people who participated in my  small summer event.

After feeling angry at him, I started being angry with myself. Shouldn’t I have asked another person and not have taken his opinion for granted? Yes, I should have.

And the same for the people who are like the wannabe boss. Why did I let them take power they shouldn’t have? Maybe I enjoy playing the victim?

Then, I realized there is still time to do something in the next few days.

And decided to think outside of the box. People who want to rule inside the box, are tiny tyrants. If you take them out, they feel completely helpless, and you realize they couldn’t have harmed you anyway.

In the sun, the change of perspective is doing miracles!


3 thoughts on “December 17- Am I angry with myself or…?

  1. I’m sorry for the difficulties you are facing right now. It’s not your fault and it’s very easy for us to want to play the victim. The reason we do so is to gain pity and hopefully, remorse and acceptance of our pain. We want to be understood and taken care of. But rather than going about that route, take a new approach and look at the situation for what it is. It’s necessary for you to release your thoughts of “why” and “what could I have done” but in reality, it’s over and there’s nothing you could do about it. The most you could do is change your future, which you have total control of still. I’m not too familiar with your situation, but examine what’s going on with your boss looking at those other two employees. Try to look at things from his POV. Strategies on how to “play the game” and determine how you’ll going to put your art on the line. I’m not even sure what exactly your job is, but it sounds like it deals with art. Perhaps you’re an artist. Whatever the case, find out where you want to be at in life, what steps are required to get there, and how hard you’ll be willing to get to it. If it helps, invest in a white board or person journal to write in. I personally use both. Right now, you feel betrayed and to get out of the stage, start making small improvements into your life daily. This gives you “mini” victories that will boost your self esteem and courage to face others because you’ll know what your abilities are and what you’re fully capable of.

  2. I always love to read that whatever happens to you, you are trying to find a different view – the positive in the situation, the lesson. Don’t worry, we all are experiencing situations in which we think “Why didn’t I..” or “Why did I…” You did not know it any better at that very moment. Now you do – and that is all that counts. We cannot act of of something we don’t know. But we can always act out of our insights, we can always make it different or even better from now on – but never backwards. Therefore blaiming yourself for something you cannot change doesn’t chang anything but only keeps you from making it different now.

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