June 18- Busy day

Dear June

today it was a busy day: meetings were succeeding each-other. I am expecting tomorrow an artist for a performance, and I was in touch with him, with the Press, with people whose opinion would matter, etc. I also met the colleague who has a problem with one of the members of her team. She invited me for lunch with another event organizer to ask our opinion. The question was what to do with this third person who was creating trouble for them. Kick her out? Was it right? Keep her in the project with her trouble? Find some kind of intermediate solution? I voted for the intermediate solution.

Then, I asked an older colleague advice considering the wannabe boss. How could I protect myself and keep growing? He suggested I open up my cards to the big boss, and tell him how things stand. After all, I have nothing to lose. He also advised me to work more on my manuscripts and spent less time with the event organization. This is what is going to help me to build a career of my own.

I know I need to write more and have a more disciplined routine. Falling in love was not something that helped my concentration. I also need to send more job applications, etc. Is it possible not to let feelings interfere and be dependable in any possible situation?

I don’t know. Maybe it is. My consultant said some super heroes could. Do I need to become a super hero?

Being a woman is already close.

http://www.rightattitudes.com/2007/07/03/working-exercise-a-busy-day/

Ways to Work Exercise into a Busy Day

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June 17- New Orchid branch: regeneration

Hello dear June,

I know that I haven’t tried a first half of the month update to check on my accomplishments for you. And yes, if you want a direct answer I have been avoiding it. And to distract you even further, I was planing to tell you about a new branch that my baby-orchid is growing. Yes, after she dropped her flowers. This branch is growing under one of the leaves, that is why it has passed unnoticed until now.

Plus, two new flowers blossoming for the bigger plant. After all these good news, do I need to get back to the rest of my day?

Well, I will start with the slightly unproductive side: I have been daydreaming here and there and also playing games with my computer. I have answered two quizzes on Facebook. I also did more serious things, such as planning the representation of the artist who is to perform on Thursday, and emailing people of the Press to remind them of it.

Then, we had a serious discussion with a Platform co-organizer who wanted to get rid of an artist participating to a future event. This person used to be a friend of hers, but now she can’t stand him. Always capricious, and in terms of quality, he is not giving the best of himself.

Is there a way to keep feelings out and be “objective”, having in mind the common good? And what could this be in our case? A great performance? Relationships are crucial when we are a team.

After all, what is our purpose when we work in an artistic field? And more precisely what is mine?

I want to offer new spaces where people can rest, discuss, have fun and feel refreshed. At least. Contribute to the global creativity, to life!

So I need to be fun, creative and in peace with myself, in order to create this sort of situation. And I need others. Yes, impossible to do everything by myself. Others who will contribute their creativity, love and fun.

And for a work of art? True love!

http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orchid%C3%A9e

 

June 16- the power of love

Dear June,

It is so great to feel part of a network of emotions, ideas, relationships, that unite us with the whole planet but also with the universe!

How do we get trapped into our everyday reality and forget it?

When we travel, love, change perspective, we are more aware.

When we talk about our everyday questions, and they become huge, we forget. We forget how great we are!

A routine is very important, like a constant theme in music that allows improvisation. But when our routine replaces reality in our thinking, it is dangerous. We become this routine. And we get imprisoned in it.

I have been drilling on the same questions for a while now. I have been thinking of B, C, or D. I have been examining my “persona”, the way my behavior could be interpreted by this or that individual. As if there was a “right” behavior, and if I don’t have it I loose in the game of love.

And I now realize that love couldn’t be like a cooking recipe. Where you put the ingredients and expect it to have the same taste.

Why do I get fixated in B for example? I am sure he is wonderful, but if he is for me and I for him, things will unfold smoothly.

It could be that it is something of importance to me that I project in him, something I think I don’t have already. And I unconsciously believe that B is going to get it for me and make me happy and whole.

Is this true? Yes and No.

Yes, because a loving relationship is more than one person.

And No, because it is the relationship that is magical, not the specific characteristics of this or that individual.

Then when is the timing perfect for a “meeting”? When do we get attracted by a relationship and not by someone’s attributes?

Probably when we don’t need to ask the question.

 

 

 

 

June 15- Friends

Dear June,

it was windy and cloudy and sunny the whole day, but agreeable for walking around! The day has been a friend-day: to begin with, I saw two friends who live across the street, one who is in Paris and another who was visiting from another city. They wanted to make a tour to the different art exhibitions of the city. I had been doing this last weekend, so we just chatted for a while and then we went our separate ways.

Then I went to a café where some of my hometown friends meet from time to time. I haven’t seen them in the last four months, it was good to catch up: things were going swell for most: new girlfriend for one of them, new job for another, the return of a daughter for an older one. It was good to be around. It gave me a sense of community.

And then, I ended up having lunch with one of these friends, at my favorite Sunday place, where I also use to see B, his friends and family. He didn’t come and I was a bit disappointed. At the same time I thought that I should realize I was living an illusion and go on. My friend who is single, was telling me that she had been madly in love for a year with a neighbor. This love was not returned and it was frustrating. They were both students at the time. All she could think and talk about, was him. Any other conversation was not interesting to her. On his side, he might have been ok for a brief adventure, or a sex-friendship, but that was all.

Now she wanted to live a love that is returned.

In the third café of the day, I saw B’s close friend. He was alone at the terrace, not far from the entrance. One of the people who are always with B. He has never officially presented us though, so I don’t even know his name. I greeted him from a distance, but didn’t go to talk to him, although he seemed to be willing to. I felt shy.

When he decided to leave, he came to me for a “bise”, and to say hi, how are you. That was sweet of him. Maybe now, even if I still don’t know his name, we are entitled to talk according to the protocol.

What is his relationship with B? Have they talked about me? Or not? I didn’t want to ask why he wasn’t there. I know it was also father’s day and he should have his child with him the whole time.

Later on, I received the sms of a colleague whom I had invited join me for an artistic project. He answered he didn’t have time for the project, but he had time for sex if I was interested.

I am not.

But I was amazed that certain people can very easily say what they want when it comes to sex. And on the contrary, it can be complicated to show feelings and to create bonds.

http://fraisfrais.com/que-sont-devenus-les-acteurs-de-friends/

serie-friends-24291

 

June 14- Saturday at Café Germain

Dear June,

this is the place where I ended up Saturday night with a friend, in order to have a drink; I actually ordered an orange juice despite the nice cocktails they serve, for a change. Actually we had been looking for a place to watch one of the World Cup’s football matches. Am I a football fun? Not exactly. The World Cup is the rare case I become interested in it. Because I like the festive ambiance in the cafés and bars. And because there is a narrative easy to follow. The whole world is involved. Like a big party!

But we thought the bars with a television set were too crowded. Or too dark. Or the spot we found not comfortable enough. So we arrived at the Café Germain, at the Saint-Germain des Près where there was no football match. I find the ambiance a bit cold there, but probably because I am not a regular. It was more festive outside on the street, where people were going to smoke. I don’t smoke and the night was chilly. We had to settle somewhere.

This is a good spot for actors, producers, and probably the right place for me to be. But I was not feeling particularly sociable, that is why I was not satisfied anywhere. B was not present in my favorite café at lunch time. Had he been scared by my sms the day before? Was I not sweet enough? Was he involved in a relationship? Was he not interested in me? Not interested in women in general?

A wise blog-friend, JF, who commented my previous post, suggested that talking about relationships is not the right approach, and that he had not even kissed his wife before marriage. Neither have I been kissed by B, yet. We have only exchanged various “bises”: the French greeting kisses on the other person’s cheeks.

The other major topic of the day has been that a lot of businesses suggest temporary job contracts, and you have to constantly be on your guard.

Is it the same for relationships? How about quality? Duration?

How do we create something that lasts?

http://www.beaumarly.com/en/germain/home

http://www.orgone-design.com/blog/cafe-germain-une-brasserie-dun-nouveau-genre-a-paris/

Cafe Germain  - Costes - Paris - 2

June 13- Soulmates

Dear June,

Yes, I spent the first part of the day dealing with practical questions: organization of the South of France event, but also of my household: supermarket, cleaning up a little bit. This is the advantage of being a free-lance, you can dispose of your time as you want. But that is very tricky, because you might do a lot, or not.

Looking at passers-by at the café, is also a way to do something important. If it is an active attention, a creative posture.

Anyway, during the second part of the day I adopted this creative introspection. I kept thinking about the “image” I project to men. Yesterday, a colleague made me think with what she said: that I could give the impression of an “amazon” ready for a battle- I wondered if this is how I feel “inside”.

I asked an older man, in his 60s, he also had a similar impression. But he said that for him, this was only a mask. Because an amazon is taking what she wants, and I am waiting for the man to do something. And if I attract men who expect me to act, in an amazon way, things don’t go very far. At least I think this was his point.

T, the friend who was visiting last weekend, told me he could associate me to goddess Diana.

What do I make of this? Hmm, in a way I want people I am dealing with, to treat me with respect. Sometimes they are older and more “powerful” in terms of social position. And I like to be treated as an equal.

When it comes to my love life, I am grateful to attract potential partners. But not those I would like to engage into a serious relationship with. At least in the past, they were not what you may call a “soul mate”.

Is there a sort of harmony, between the person that I feel I am and the persona I project in my everyday interactions?

Partly yes, probably.

We have so many dimensions, and we engage in different sort of relationships with people.

But if I am defensive in my love life, I need to change.

I need to open my heart in order to meet another person in a deeper level.

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-He-Is-Your-Soulmate

Know if He Is Your Soulmate Step 1.jpg

 

 

June 12- amazones, sweet women, goddesses

Hello June,

at the end of the day I found myself in a nice summer bar by the river, with a Platform colleague. Earlier I went to see the people who had reserved the stage for the canceled theatrical performance. They were not as hostile as I was thinking, taking into consideration that I prevented them in the last minute. It seemed that it was something that had happened before. This was a great relief for me.

But it was not the topic I discussed with this co-organizer as we ordered a glass of rosé. It was my approach on B, my favorite guy these days. According to this collegue, I needed to be more feminine and sweet. She told me I have something of an amazone that could scare this guy. That even when I smile, it is as if I were ready for war.

Well, I have always liked the amazones, Diana and many other women deities who seemed to be active. But I wouldn’t like to scare away the men I am interested in. Would I give B the impression of being someone who is menacing? I should show B according to my colleague, how sweet I can be. Let him be the man.

I wanted to ask some male friends, especially some older ones with a lot of experience on women, what is their impression. But the ones I had in mind were not in Paris.

What if I am a dynamic woman? Who is sexy, but also active? And who, at the same time is sweet and a little bit afraid of relationships? Mmm I don’t know.

I have to admit that my friend’s analysis left me very perplexed. The way we act has to do with what we think, feel, afraid, are used to do, …

After all, is the sweet woman, so much different than the amazone and the goddess?

What if they were just dimensions of one and the same feminine condition?

http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amazones

 

June 11- Another dilemma

Hello June,

there was another dilemma to solve: I had booked a space for two representations of a theatrical group, the first tomorrow and the other next Thursday, but they told me they were unable to perform. I don’t want to get into the details, but let’s say that I learnt about it ten days ago.

My intention was to find an alternative scheme and not to have to cancel the reservation. It was a difficult decision considering the Platform’s wannabe boss who might be looking for an excuse to throw me out; if I canceled at the last minute, my credibility could be affected.

But I didn’t react as quickly and as effectively as I should have. And I didn’t find an alternative plan to replace the theatrical group. So, that left me with the obligation to cancel the events at the last minute. Ok, this can happen. An artist might get sick, etc, but deep down it didn’t look very responsible on my side. And I didn’t like that.

I procrastinated as much as I could. It is kind of hard to take responsibility and say you are sorry. At about 18.00 I was out for coffee trying to enjoy the sunshine. In reality I had to act! I called a friend to get some advice. Go ahead and email everybody! She told me.

I did. I was kind of worrying about lots of things: are people going to trust me again? How about the Platform bosses?

 

 

June 10- Sleepless in Paris

Dear June,

after having visited different museums and expositions, after having slept four hours because of the heat and a mosquito, I went to the Platform. It was time to face the reality of my projects and events to be.

My friend T left early in the morning, as I told one of my friends, with whom we had coffee. I usually avoid the big Museums on weekends because they are crowded. This time I did something different. I also reflected on love and relationships.

T offered to the discussion his model of non-relationship. A sex-friendship? This was his way to function. For now. For the last year or two and maybe the next. Not until “death do us part”, but until each of the quasi-partners finds a “real” relationship. With feelings? With commitments? With children? With fights?

My friend gave me an example of a love affair where she was “dating” someone she liked for almost a year in a quasi-friendly relationship. But in their case, they had feelings they didn’t dare to reveal. They were walking around, going to the cinema together, but it took them a while to admit what they meant to each other; They even dated someone else in between. But there was always magic between them. They finally reached each-other.

There are also people who start from a sexual relationship and feelings develop after. But stay in a situation for more than a year where you admit there are no feelings? Maybe it is also called marriage sometimes. Is it possible to have intense feelings for a long period? And what if there is?

I don’t know. I am in love with B, so I am in a different mood. Feelings are sooo important to me, it is as if I were flying up in the sky. Even if I have some bruises when things don’t go exactly the way I expected.

A life without feelings is like a tasteless dish. A plastic flower. Something useful but without any form of beauty in it.

I was sleepless in Paris, but full of emotions.

http://www.thehollywoodnews.com/2014/01/25/sleepless-seattle-returning-uk-cinemas-valentines-day/

sleepless_in_seattle

 

June 9- The clock: time, space and relationships

Dear June,

the tempest came at night for the second time, after a day that was hot but also rainy and sunny.

I decided to take it easier and accompany my friends only to the Beaubourg Museum.

Just before entering, we had coffee with T, the friend I am hosting until tomorrow. We talked about life and relationsips. He told me he is alone after breaking up with a woman who wanted to have a family. He didn’t want children. For the last year he was having sex “occasionaly” with a colleague of his who lives in the States. It’s not a relationsip, he specified, he didn’t believe in long-distance relationships. It was more of a way to fill the void until another relationship came up.

I wondered if a non-relationship time is a void. And if you fill it in this way.

What I know for sure is that I wouldn’t make this choice for myself. If I am with someone, it is because I like this person and we create something together. He can be close or far. Feelings, in my case, is what it is all about.

After that we entered the Beaubourg, one of my favorite museums in Paris, and went to see part of “The Clock”. The 24 hour film that was distinguished at the Venice festival of 2011, by Christian Marclay. Extracts of films from different times and cultures, that show watches, time going by. We entered at 14.00, it was 14.00 screen-time also. After an hour and a half, I went out.

My friend T stayed in for hours. Maybe to fill in the time while waiting for something to happen.

I left after an hour and a half. It was impressive, but it was time to act in my own temporality. It is time to create my every-day contemporary art, simply by living 24 hours around the clock.

With people who mean a lot to me. Close and far.