June 15- Friends

Dear June,

it was windy and cloudy and sunny the whole day, but agreeable for walking around! The day has been a friend-day: to begin with, I saw two friends who live across the street, one who is in Paris and another who was visiting from another city. They wanted to make a tour to the different art exhibitions of the city. I had been doing this last weekend, so we just chatted for a while and then we went our separate ways.

Then I went to a café where some of my hometown friends meet from time to time. I haven’t seen them in the last four months, it was good to catch up: things were going swell for most: new girlfriend for one of them, new job for another, the return of a daughter for an older one. It was good to be around. It gave me a sense of community.

And then, I ended up having lunch with one of these friends, at my favorite Sunday place, where I also use to see B, his friends and family. He didn’t come and I was a bit disappointed. At the same time I thought that I should realize I was living an illusion and go on. My friend who is single, was telling me that she had been madly in love for a year with a neighbor. This love was not returned and it was frustrating. They were both students at the time. All she could think and talk about, was him. Any other conversation was not interesting to her. On his side, he might have been ok for a brief adventure, or a sex-friendship, but that was all.

Now she wanted to live a love that is returned.

In the third café of the day, I saw B’s close friend. He was alone at the terrace, not far from the entrance. One of the people who are always with B. He has never officially presented us though, so I don’t even know his name. I greeted him from a distance, but didn’t go to talk to him, although he seemed to be willing to. I felt shy.

When he decided to leave, he came to me for a “bise”, and to say hi, how are you. That was sweet of him. Maybe now, even if I still don’t know his name, we are entitled to talk according to the protocol.

What is his relationship with B? Have they talked about me? Or not? I didn’t want to ask why he wasn’t there. I know it was also father’s day and he should have his child with him the whole time.

Later on, I received the sms of a colleague whom I had invited join me for an artistic project. He answered he didn’t have time for the project, but he had time for sex if I was interested.

I am not.

But I was amazed that certain people can very easily say what they want when it comes to sex. And on the contrary, it can be complicated to show feelings and to create bonds.





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