June 16- the power of love

Dear June,

It is so great to feel part of a network of emotions, ideas, relationships, that unite us with the whole planet but also with the universe!

How do we get trapped into our everyday reality and forget it?

When we travel, love, change perspective, we are more aware.

When we talk about our everyday questions, and they become huge, we forget. We forget how great we are!

A routine is very important, like a constant theme in music that allows improvisation. But when our routine replaces reality in our thinking, it is dangerous. We become this routine. And we get imprisoned in it.

I have been drilling on the same questions for a while now. I have been thinking of B, C, or D. I have been examining my “persona”, the way my behavior could be interpreted by this or that individual. As if there was a “right” behavior, and if I don’t have it I loose in the game of love.

And I now realize that love couldn’t be like a cooking recipe. Where you put the ingredients and expect it to have the same taste.

Why do I get fixated in B for example? I am sure he is wonderful, but if he is for me and I for him, things will unfold smoothly.

It could be that it is something of importance to me that I project in him, something I think I don’t have already. And I unconsciously believe that B is going to get it for me and make me happy and whole.

Is this true? Yes and No.

Yes, because a loving relationship is more than one person.

And No, because it is the relationship that is magical, not the specific characteristics of this or that individual.

Then when is the timing perfect for a “meeting”? When do we get attracted by a relationship and not by someone’s attributes?

Probably when we don’t need to ask the question.





June 15- Friends

Dear June,

it was windy and cloudy and sunny the whole day, but agreeable for walking around! The day has been a friend-day: to begin with, I saw two friends who live across the street, one who is in Paris and another who was visiting from another city. They wanted to make a tour to the different art exhibitions of the city. I had been doing this last weekend, so we just chatted for a while and then we went our separate ways.

Then I went to a café where some of my hometown friends meet from time to time. I haven’t seen them in the last four months, it was good to catch up: things were going swell for most: new girlfriend for one of them, new job for another, the return of a daughter for an older one. It was good to be around. It gave me a sense of community.

And then, I ended up having lunch with one of these friends, at my favorite Sunday place, where I also use to see B, his friends and family. He didn’t come and I was a bit disappointed. At the same time I thought that I should realize I was living an illusion and go on. My friend who is single, was telling me that she had been madly in love for a year with a neighbor. This love was not returned and it was frustrating. They were both students at the time. All she could think and talk about, was him. Any other conversation was not interesting to her. On his side, he might have been ok for a brief adventure, or a sex-friendship, but that was all.

Now she wanted to live a love that is returned.

In the third café of the day, I saw B’s close friend. He was alone at the terrace, not far from the entrance. One of the people who are always with B. He has never officially presented us though, so I don’t even know his name. I greeted him from a distance, but didn’t go to talk to him, although he seemed to be willing to. I felt shy.

When he decided to leave, he came to me for a “bise”, and to say hi, how are you. That was sweet of him. Maybe now, even if I still don’t know his name, we are entitled to talk according to the protocol.

What is his relationship with B? Have they talked about me? Or not? I didn’t want to ask why he wasn’t there. I know it was also father’s day and he should have his child with him the whole time.

Later on, I received the sms of a colleague whom I had invited join me for an artistic project. He answered he didn’t have time for the project, but he had time for sex if I was interested.

I am not.

But I was amazed that certain people can very easily say what they want when it comes to sex. And on the contrary, it can be complicated to show feelings and to create bonds.