June 11- Another dilemma

Hello June,

there was another dilemma to solve: I had booked a space for two representations of a theatrical group, the first tomorrow and the other next Thursday, but they told me they were unable to perform. I don’t want to get into the details, but let’s say that I learnt about it ten days ago.

My intention was to find an alternative scheme and not to have to cancel the reservation. It was a difficult decision considering the Platform’s wannabe boss who might be looking for an excuse to throw me out; if I canceled at the last minute, my credibility could be affected.

But I didn’t react as quickly and as effectively as I should have. And I didn’t find an alternative plan to replace the theatrical group. So, that left me with the obligation to cancel the events at the last minute. Ok, this can happen. An artist might get sick, etc, but deep down it didn’t look very responsible on my side. And I didn’t like that.

I procrastinated as much as I could. It is kind of hard to take responsibility and say you are sorry. At about 18.00 I was out for coffee trying to enjoy the sunshine. In reality I had to act! I called a friend to get some advice. Go ahead and email everybody! She told me.

I did. I was kind of worrying about lots of things: are people going to trust me again? How about the Platform bosses?



June 10- Sleepless in Paris

Dear June,

after having visited different museums and expositions, after having slept four hours because of the heat and a mosquito, I went to the Platform. It was time to face the reality of my projects and events to be.

My friend T left early in the morning, as I told one of my friends, with whom we had coffee. I usually avoid the big Museums on weekends because they are crowded. This time I did something different. I also reflected on love and relationships.

T offered to the discussion his model of non-relationship. A sex-friendship? This was his way to function. For now. For the last year or two and maybe the next. Not until “death do us part”, but until each of the quasi-partners finds a “real” relationship. With feelings? With commitments? With children? With fights?

My friend gave me an example of a love affair where she was “dating” someone she liked for almost a year in a quasi-friendly relationship. But in their case, they had feelings they didn’t dare to reveal. They were walking around, going to the cinema together, but it took them a while to admit what they meant to each other; They even dated someone else in between. But there was always magic between them. They finally reached each-other.

There are also people who start from a sexual relationship and feelings develop after. But stay in a situation for more than a year where you admit there are no feelings? Maybe it is also called marriage sometimes. Is it possible to have intense feelings for a long period? And what if there is?

I don’t know. I am in love with B, so I am in a different mood. Feelings are sooo important to me, it is as if I were flying up in the sky. Even if I have some bruises when things don’t go exactly the way I expected.

A life without feelings is like a tasteless dish. A plastic flower. Something useful but without any form of beauty in it.

I was sleepless in Paris, but full of emotions.