May 31- monthly update for success

Dear sweet May,

this is your last day, and I realize I need to face your questions:

Have you achieved your goals?

Is there any progress in your love life and work this month?

Yes, I think there is, but I know the deadline I have set is approaching.

When it comes to work, I have just sent another job application and the organization of the summer event is going smoothly. Different artists I like have confirmed their presence.  I have also continued activities I had engaged myself to, doing what was humanly possible. Almost.

Could have I sent more job or funding applications? Submitted again my manuscripts? Yes. And I admit having felt discouraged here and there because of a negative answer in one of my requests on May 10. My mentor to be, declined participation in one of my projects. That slowed me down. I haven’t answered some emails and I procrastinated.

I am not very effective under pressure. I need a psychological break from worrying to look for things I love. I am not sure though if this is a good long-term strategy.

What I need is to learn how to keep my morale high, no matter what. After all, as a whole, things are going well. Especially in comparison to other people in my field. I need to be self-confident, have more faith.

Hmm, when it comes to my love life, I am slowly engaging in a process of self-disclosure. Accepting my vulnerability . How is it possible to get close to someone wearing a mask? Because, it is not a question of whether X is willing or not to go out with me. It is a question of what I intend to do when this will happen.

Am I ready to meet him, or do I prefer the safety of my hiding place?

And before I forget, dear May, writing a post a day, helped me realize I am having a good time, friends I like to spent time with, and romantic objects to fall in love with.

I am grateful for that.

La pivoine

May 30- divorced fathers

Hello May,

Yes, I only sent a funding application at 2.00 in the morning. I know I could have done it earlier, but I preferred to go out with two old friends for a drink. One of them is a divorced father, with a two year old daughter. We all met during our studies, and each has taken a different path in life. But we still love each other and get together from time to time to catch up.

We were surprised to hear that his relationship ended so soon and that they are not in good terms. As an observer, I find it hard to believe that it is possible to separate so soon after the decision to have a child.

But this is also the case of B who has a 4 year old also adorable kid. Is it the change in their lives? Is it the responsibilities that put the relationship under pressure?

I have no idea, at least our friend couldn’t explain the reasons that brought them to it, other than the change in his wife’s personality from the moment she became a mother.

Since I haven’t been close to the couple, I have absolutely no opinion, and no idea how this change can affect a couple. After all, I only have my friend’s version. And the most important thing, if it is final, is to find the best way to communicate for their child’s sake.

On the other hand, the discussion put me into thoughts concerning B, the object of my affection. Is a divorced father a species ready for a new relationship? Or is he someone who is looking for some form of distraction? Is it a particular species, or each one has his own characteristics?

I have to admit anyway, that for me, B’s charm is related to his role as a father, and the way he cares for his child.

This is enough to make him attractive.