May 11- tranformation and self-love

Dear Sunday May,

I was to have tea with a Chinese friend, but canceled it because there were things I needed to work on this afternoon. He was so kind to say: never mind April, another time!

I couldn’t have finished in the morning, for the simple reason that I woke up late, after having been out last night. So my Sunday started practically after 12.00 when I decided to take my computer and go out in one of my usual Sunday headquarters. Just a parenthesis to specify that certain cafés are closed on Sundays in Paris, so for a café-lover as me, I need a Sunday hangout.

The first step, is usually a café where I meet up with a group of friends who leave at about 13.00 to have lunch elsewhere. So, I skipped this step and went directly to the second. It is a place where I often have lunch, tiny, with good prices and friendly waiters. Great cocktails at night.

I worked a lot, talked to a friend who joined me at some point. Chatted with the guy next table who wanted to know if he looked fine in his jeans.

I answered yes. This triggered a thought about liking, or loving oneself and self-transformation. Being liked, loved by others, is so important, we are ready to do almost anything to assure this love. Write a blog, become a rock star, sacrifice for others:

But how do we like ourselves? We can choose nice-cut jeans. We can eat well, buy ourselves beautiful things, or things that others consider valuable. We can become very accomplished, beautiful, rich, famous, helpful, powerful.

But is this liking or loving oneself? How about the desire for change? Is it based on self-love or self-hate?

In my case, I think self-love is to accept I have valuable things to offer and not feel diminished every time I ask others to join a project, an idea or even a date. If they yes, fine. If they say no, it is fine also.

If I ask for an approval I risk liking myself less every time I get a negative answer.

If I concentrate in co-creating, I am conscious of having something valuable to offer, but so do others. It is just different, that is why we are complementary.

Finding the right partner-s is necessary to love, grow, transform and create.

PS. Thank you Kimberly for the post on liking yourself!


May 10- crazy, happy, normal, bitter: combinations

Dear May,

I came back late after a drink with a group of friends; the day was full of emotions and challenges so I was slightly anti-social; I finally spent some time talking to E, a mathematician who admitted writing fairy-tales. I don’t expect to publish them he said and considered that a novel should be even trickier to write. In the sense that it asks for much more work and you don’t know if this effort is going to be recognized someday. He said it needs a lot of faith.

I smiled and answered that this represents the way I have been living up to now. Meaning that I don’t have a tangible reword for the hours, work and love I have put in the writing and my other artistic endeavors. But I have faith, and I am a bit crazy. Both these elements allow you to take risks.

What if reality disagrees?

For example, the mentor I have been asking for help is not going to participate in my first project. He said it demands a lot of work, he doesn’t have the time. That was kind of a setback.

Of course, people who have already been recognized receive a lot of demands. They are courted by so many others who would like them to join, support, and appear in their projects. And I am one of them. I understand that they have other things to do.

Still, I could be satisfied because he might come as a guest star at some point, and he might be interested in project B. Why feel discouraged?

Because I’d rather not have to ask. I would have liked for things to unfold easily and naturally, the way rain falls now from the sky in the Parisian rooftops. The way flowers blossom in spring. I would have liked him to come and tell me instead: “April, you have this terrific artistic project, would you like me to join in”?

And then I would have liked B to come and tell me: “April, you are so adorable, please go out with me but without any strings attached, just enough to see if we are any good together. You are free to leave when you feel like it but I hope you never will”.

There, here is what I would like!

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As Paulo Coelho said… 🙂

and I also found a related post in :