Am I doing well? You are reputed for beautiful flowers, so I am going to use the example of this optical illusion to make my point. Is the orange circle bigger in the first or the second flower? I would say the second is bigger, although I know, it is illustrating an illusion. The orange circles are similar.
It is a question of perspective. This is why comparison is important. But we need to have different reference points to make useful comparisons.
For example, that is why standing close to different kind of people is so important. With a shorter person, I feel taller. With a group of taller people, I am short.
Other people can be important as reference points, but we need to avoid comparisons similar to optical illusions.
For example, when I compare with X I can see myself as clairvoyant: this person seems unable to acknowledge how lucky she is in her job because of her lack of appropriate reference points. She is offered a position that is an advancement in time of crisis. She is progressing compared to her colleagues. But instead, she is unhappy, comparing with what used to be the job market 10 years ago.
But then, maybe I am having the same attitude in another area of my life. I don’t recognize how lucky I am with my friends or this person interested in me. Because my reference points are not very developed and I am lost in some kind of illusion. I might look for someone who resembles my ideal of the time I were an adolescent. As if I have not updated my ideal profile 🙂
That is what I realized after having two discussions on life, work and love, this Saturday in Paris, in different cafés. In the first café, I was reflecting on the behavior of another friend. In the second, I realized I am having a similar attitude to the one I was disapproving of.
In a way, I am victim of an illusion.
That is why friends and different reference points are so important.
To reveal illusions.